


as long as there are stars above you

by wafflesofdoom



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Drabble Collection, Established Relationship, Family Fluff, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Married Life, Pillow Talk, Romance, Sleepy Cuddles, Wedding Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-10-05 16:39:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 84
Words: 53,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10312577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wafflesofdoom/pseuds/wafflesofdoom
Summary: a series of drabbles & ficlets originally prompted & posted on tumblr.





	1. things you said at 1am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaron can't sleep and he and robert talk about the past and future. 
> 
> set at some vague point in the future when aaron's been released.

 

 

 

“Robert?” Aaron said softly, looking at his husbands back. “You awake?”

“Mm.” Robert turned over, his hair soft against his forehead, a sleepy look on his face. Aaron loved him like this, sleep soft and all his guards down, and it was a side of Robert he still wasn’t quite used to, even after all this time.

He hoped he’d never get used to it, really. Aaron genuinely hoped he’d never take any of this for granted, that he’d never take Robert and the love they shared for granted.

Robert was more alert now, stretching his arms above his head before settling back onto his pillow, looking at Aaron, a flash of concern in his eyes. “You alright?” he asked, scanning Aaron’s face carefully.

“Yeah,” Aaron settled down on his pillow properly, inches from Robert now. “I just couldn’t sleep.”

“Is there something wrong?”

Aaron shook his head. “No. I’m just… I’m happy, I suppose.”

“I’d hope you were.” Robert grinned, that bright, happy smile Aaron was always so glad to see on his face. They’d been through too much, in the all too short a time they’d been together, so he always took a second to admire that smile, that real, genuine smile of Robert’s that was so rare it could make Aaron’s heart ache.

“I don’t know where I’d be without you, Robert.” Aaron admitted, reaching out and brushing a thumb across Robert’s cheekbone, enjoying the way his husband’s eyes fluttered shut for a second, melting into Aaron’s touch.

“You’d be alright.” Robert shrugged off the praise. “Strongest person I know, you.”

“You make me strong.”

Maybe it was the fact it was one am, and there was no-one around to hear, or maybe it was because he’d held in all in for so long, and now he’d known what it felt like to be without Robert, to face losing him for good, Aaron wanted to tell his husband all the infinitely wonderful things that he made him feel.

“You do.” Aaron reassured, cupping the back of Robert’s head in his hand. “I wouldn’t have gotten through any of the past year or so without you. I love you, Robert.”

“Love you too.”

“I’m sorry, for everything you had to go through when I was inside.”

Robert looked incredulous. “Aaron, you went through hell inside. Why are you apologising to me?”

“Because you didn’t deserve to end up alone for months on end.” Aaron shook his head. “The first few months of our marriage shouldn’t have been the way they were.”

“Hey, don’t.” Robert reached out, sticking his hands under Aaron’s t-shirt, the palms of his hands splayed wide against his back, Robert’s touch warm, and comforting.

Robert’s arms always felt like home.

“I don’t want you to ever think what happened was your fault, Aaron.” Robert continued, close enough now that Aaron felt as though he could hear his heartbeat, Robert’s breath warm and ticklish against his face. “I struggled, without you, yeah, but I got through it, and it’s not like it matters anyway, because you went to hell and back when you were inside, and a few sleepless nights is nothing compared to it. Okay? You’ve got nothing to apologise for.”

“How you feel is important too.” Aaron mumbled, finding Robert’s words a little overwhelming. He’d been out of prison for nearly two months now, and at times, he was still finding his feet.

“I’m happy.” Robert said, his smile back in full force. “I’m happy, because I’ve got my husband back, and I’m in bed with the love of my life, and we’ve got our whole future ahead of us, and I’m happy because it’s going to be a really good life.”

“Promise?” Aaron asked, hating how needy he sounded.

He was trying to be better about admitting when he needed Robert. Aaron wasn’t good at talking about how he felt, and he probably never really would be, but he was trying, he really was.

“I promise.” Robert confirmed, pressing a chaste kiss to Aaron’s lips. “You think you can sleep?”

Aaron loved him.

God, did Aaron love him. He loved how much Robert cared, even after everything, after all the nasty things he’d said to him, the way he’d made him feel during that prison visit - but Robert still cared, and Robert still looked at him as though Aaron was the best thing he’d ever seen, and -

Aaron just loved him.

He **_loved_** him.

“Yeah,” Aaron was surprised by how easily his answer came as he nestled his face into the crook of Robert’s shoulder, breathing in the familiar scent of his shower gel, the leftover remains of his cologne, his husband’s skin soft, and warm against his cheek. “I think I probably can.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted to keep all these little tumblr fics i write in one place, so i've decided to upload them here! most will always be under 1k and generally they're part of a writing tag or prompted by someone on tumblr, so i hope you enjoy.


	2. things you said under the stars and in the grass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> robert and aaron do some stargazing during their trip to wales with liv. 
> 
> set during the trip to wales last june.

 

 

 

“Liv is out like a light.”

Robert looked up as Aaron spoke, stepping out onto the little patio that adorned the back of the cottage they had rented in Wales for a few days, the view an endless oasis of green fields and farmland, stretching out to the coast, the sound of waves crashing against the rocky shoreline distant, but comforting all the same. 

“She’s knackered, after all that kayaking.” Aaron continued.

Robert looked up at his boyfriend, a bottle of beer halfway to his lips. “It was a good day though, right?” he asked, leaning back in his chair so he could look at Aaron properly.

“I had fun today,” Aaron nodded, resting a hand against the back of Robert’s neck, a bottle of beer in his own hand. “Thank you. For being so good to Liv, y’know? I know she can be a bit of a handful.”

“I told you, if she’s important to you, she’s important to me.” Robert budged up in the small seat, leaving enough space for Aaron to sit down next to him. Every inch of their bodies was touching, knees to shoulders, and it set something in Robert alight as he breathed in everything that was so gorgeously, brilliantly Aaron.

“Still,” Aaron shrugged, pausing with his beer held halfway to his lips. “I appreciate it.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the peace. The cottage was somewhat secluded, their closest neighbour a few miles up the road, toward the little fishing village they were staying in.

It was quiet, and calm, and everything they needed.

Robert loved it. He’d lived a lot of places, in the ten years since he left Emmerdale - London had been exciting, sure, but he’d always been a country lad at heart, enjoying the peace and quiet far more than he’d ever enjoyed the bright lights and constant noise of the capital.

“I never used to be able to see the stars, when I lived in London.” Robert began, clocking Aaron’s brief confusion immediately.

Robert didn’t really talk about his past, not if he could avoid it.

But he was trying to be better, they were trying to be better, and well - it felt like the right moment didn’t it?

“It was the one thing I always missed about Emmerdale.” Robert continued, gazing at the sky. It was a gorgeous evening, a proper summery end to a summery day, the sky clear. “Being able to see all the stars. I used to love reading about all the constellations, always made me feel like the world was so much bigger than Emmerdale.”

“Bigger and better?” Aaron nudged.

“No,” Robert shook his head. “Just, bigger.”

“Tell me about them then, all these stars.” Aaron said quietly after another few minute silence, looking at Robert with an open, completely endeared gaze he wasn’t quite used to seeing just yet.

Robert grinned, setting his half empty beer bottle down on the patio, standing up. “Come on, you can see them much better if you’re lying down.”

Aaron looked as though he was going to protest, but thought better of it, accepting the hand that Robert offered him.

Robert tugged him down the garden, plopping himself down on the grass unceremoniously, Aaron following suit. It was cooler now, than it had been earlier, and Robert shivered slightly against the cool air, his thin t-shirt not doing much to keep him warm.

“That one is Ursa Minor.” Robert pointed toward the night sky, squinting at the stars. “See? It’s sort of a square, with a long tail coming out of the top.”

“I can see it.” Aaron’s brow was furrowed in concentration as he followed Robert’s gaze, the consolation bright in the clear sky.

“It’s also called Little Bear,” Robert continued. “I can never remember why though.”

He focused on the sky again properly, looking for another constellation to point out to Aaron. “That one, that’s my favourite. It’s Lupus, the Wolf - turn your head this way, it looks like a proper wolf from this angle.”

“Dunno, looks more like a dog to me.”

  
“Dog, wolf, all the same really.” Robert grinned. “It always reminded me of this old sheepdog we used to have, back on the farm.”

“Do you miss it? The farm, and all that.”

“I was never much of a farmer,” Robert admitted, turning to look at Aaron. “I don’t miss anything about who I used to be.”

“Really? Not even the fancy holidays?”

“No.” Robert shook his head. “I’ve got everything I need right here, don’t I?”

Aaron didn’t look convinced, and it honestly broke Robert’s heart a little bit. He knew some of it was down to him, down to the way Robert had treated Aaron during the affair, but he hated to think that Aaron believed people were just looking for a way out when it came to him.

Robert shifted so he was lying on his side, resting a hand on Aaron’s stomach. “I love you, and I don’t want to be anywhere you aren’t.”

“Robert, I…”

“I get it, I don’t need you to say it back.” Robert brushed a hand through Aaron’s hair, delighting in the way his boyfriend automatically relaxed into his touch. “I just need you to believe it.”

“I wish it was that easy,” Aaron admitted, his voice low.

Robert glanced at the sky again. “How many stars do you think there is up there?” he asked, unable to hide the grin on his face.

“I don’t think you can count them.”

“I promise you, there’s one for every single year I’m going to love you.”

Aaron rolled his eyes, a slight blush on his cheeks the only sign he might be affected by Robert’s words. “Don’t be such a soppy git,” he snorted, poking at Robert’s side.

“You’re it for me, Aaron.” Robert promised, planting a kiss on Aaron’s lips, revelling in the feeling, even now, months after they’d gotten back together. He laid back down on the grass, an arm still slung across Aaron’s middle.

“Okay,” Aaron said quietly, covering Robert’s hand with his own, giving it a light squeeze. “I believe you.”

 

 

 

 

 


	3. things you said when you were scared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> set following the february 23rd episode, when aaron gets sent down.
> 
> how robert spends his first night away from aaron.

 

 

 

 

Robert closed their bedroom door behind him, the knot in his stomach only worsening as he shut out the noise of the pub, the overwhelming quiet of their bedroom making him feel sick. He was so used to sharing his nightly routine with Aaron now, the two of them chatting aimlessly as they undressed, Aaron leaving his clothes tossed over a chair, or scattered across the floor, teasing Robert for the meticulous way he’d hang his blazers back up, the way he’d always pick up their collective washing and put it in their hamper.

He’d give anything to have Aaron next to him as they brushed their teeth, Aaron making a cheeky comment about Robert’s skincare routine and him getting old, before they’d settle into bed. Robert had never imagined that those quiet few minutes when Aaron was scrolling through Facebook, while he was reading his book would be the highlight of his day, but they were.

Robert hung his blazer up in their wardrobe, the sight of Aaron’s clothes making his breath hitch in his throat. His wedding suit was hanging there, ready for Robert to take it to the dry cleaners with his own, to rid the memories of their wedding, rid the smell of alcohol that clung to the dark material.

How had their wedding only been yesterday?

It felt like he’d aged ten years in the hours since they’d gotten married in the garage, in the hours since their reception had ended and it had just been the two of them, pouring all the love they’d felt for each other into their fingertips, their kisses.

Robert undressed quickly, settling into his side of the bed.

It felt so empty.

The sheets smelled faintly of Aaron, of his cologne (one Robert had bought him for Christmas, a woody scent that Aaron pretended like he didn’t love) and the cheap shower gel he loved, the smell as close to comfort as Robert was going to get.

How was he supposed to sleep here alone?

Robert hated sleeping alone. He’d struggled for the first few days, when Aaron had been in France, but at least he’d known when Aaron was coming home, then. Now, he was facing into a year without his husband, and that felt like it was going to be a year without a decent nights sleep.

He was scared.

Robert had always been scared of being alone, and this was worse, because Aaron was stuck somewhere where Robert couldn’t protect him.

Anything could happen him in prison.

Robert wasn’t completely naive, he knew that prison was hardly the place for a gay man, and he knew Aaron, and he knew how badly he would take being stuck inside, being away from Liv, and his mum.

Being away from Robert.

Robert always worried about Aaron. He worried if his husband was sleeping enough, or eating properly, he worried about where Aaron’s head was at, a lot of the time.

And now he was worried about what the hell would happen him in prison.

Reaching for his phone, Robert took a second to look at his screensaver. It was a picture Belle had taken on Christmas Day, the two of them huddled up on the couch, Alfie on Aaron’s lap.

They looked happy.

They had been happy. They’d been looking ahead to the start of a new year, the year they’d be getting married, and it had felt like anything was possible.

Robert blinked back the tears he’d known were coming all day, and pulled up speed dial, Aaron’s contact the first on his list. Without thinking, he pressed the call button, holding his phone to his ear.

Aaron’s phone was switched off, and in the top drawer of his bedside locker, but after a few rings, his voicemail message started to play, and Robert’s stomach twisted as he heard his husband’s voice.

_“I can’t get to the phone right now, but leave me a message and I’ll give ya a buzz back.”_

“It’s the first night you’re gone and I can’t sleep,” Robert said into the phone, his voice tired. “I’m scared, Aaron. I’m scared that I won’t be able to help you, that I won’t be able to sort this appeal, and get you out early. I’m scared I’m going to have to spend this next year without you, and I’m not going to cope.”

Robert took a shaky breath. “I told you once, I was scared of being alone. I’m scared of being without you, Aaron. I love you and I don’t want to be without you, because you make me better. You know that? You make me better, and I don’t tell you that enough.”

He was crying now, a sob escaping his lips as he tried to speak. “Please be okay, Aaron. I need you to be okay. I’m going to do everything I can to get you out, I swear. Just, please be okay until then. I need you to be okay for me, and I know you will be, because you’re the strongest person I know.”

Robert wiped roughly at his eyes, tears making tracks down his cheeks. “I love you, Mr Sugden.”

He hung up, tossing his phone aside as he let out a frustrated cry, the emptiness of the room overwhelming him.

He couldn’t do this.

Robert couldn’t sleep here without Aaron.

Swinging his legs out of bed, Robert yanked their duvet off their bed, bundling it up in his hands as he made his way downstairs to the backroom.

Everyone was already gone to bed, the pub shut up for the evening, so no one would have to know if he slept on the couch.

Just for one night.

 

 

 

 


	4. things you said when you thought i was asleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after aaron is released from prison, robert is trying to catch up on some much needed sleep when he discovers his husband's habit of talking to him when he thinks robert is sleeping.

 

 

Robert felt the bed dip as Aaron sat down next to him, making to open his eyes and talk to his husband, when Aaron himself spoke.

“I’m sorry, you know.” Aaron’s voice was soft. “I’m sorry for punching Kasim. I know it’s my fault that the first few months of our marriage were so hard, and I’m sorry.”

Robert was tempted to say something, but Aaron was clearly convinced Robert was sleeping.

“I love you so much.” Aaron’s hand was in his hair now, gentle against his head. “Mum’s been telling me about everything you did for my lot - our lot - when I was inside. You’re the most amazing person I know, Robert, I’m never going to be able to thank you enough.”

Aaron let out a little laugh.

“God knows I should be saying all these things to you when you’re awake, and I will, I promise, it’s just sometimes its easier to say it like this.”

Robert was confused.

Did Aaron do this a lot?

“You’d laugh, if you knew.” Aaron continued. “I only started doing this when I realised what a heavy sleeper you were. I’m not good with this sort of thing, you know. It’s like I’m practising.”

Robert’s heart could melt. Aaron talked to him like this, when he was sleeping? Aaron was so much _sweeter_ , so much more _romantic_ than he even realised.

Robert wished he could give his husband the confidence to be able to say these things at a whim, without needing to practise first, but there was something so endearing about the fact that Aaron would do this, that he stayed quiet, keeping his breathing slow and even, waiting for Aaron to continue.

“Thinking of the life we’re going to have together got me through being inside.” Aaron said, running his fingers through Robert’s hair. “I told you I loved you so much that I don’t know what to do with it sometimes. I know what to do with it now, I’m going to be better, for you, for us - for Liv. I’m going to make sure nothing like the last few months ever happens again, okay? Because I love you, and I want a proper life with you.”

Aaron pressed a kiss against his forehead, Robert unable to stop himself from relaxing into the touch. His husband let out another little laugh, speaking again. “I never realised how much you like being touched,” he admitted, his breathe ghosting across Robert’s forehead. “I promise I’ll get better with that. I get that you need it.”

Robert _was_ a tactile person. He always had been, but Aaron wasn’t, so he never pushed it.

Knowing Aaron recognised it and wanted to be exactly what Robert needed, well, it was an incredible feeling. To know Aaron was so willing to change and adapt for them to be happy, how committed he was to their future.

Robert had already known all that. Aaron said it all through actions, rather than words, but hearing it was nice.

Hearing it was good.

“I love you, Mr Dingle.” Aaron said, the bed shifting again as he stood up, Robert not moving, wondering where he’d gone.

It was a few minutes before Robert felt the bed dip again, Aaron settling himself down next to Robert, back on his own side, the side of the bed that had been so empty for months now.

Robert waited for Aaron to stop moving around before he feigned a sleepy murmur, turning so he was half lying on top of Aaron, burrowing his face in the soft material of Aaron’s t-shirt, wrapping his arms around Aaron’s middle.

“You awake?” Aaron asked quietly.

Robert didn’t want to ruin it. He kept his breathing slow and even, waiting for Aaron to  say something again. He let out a little snore for effect, the sound muffled as he pressed his face even closer to Aaron’s chest, able to hear the distant thud of his heartbeat in the quiet of their bedroom.

“You’re like a little leech.” Aaron said, teasingly. He wrapped his arms around Robert tightly, pulling the duvet up and around them both. “I’m never leaving you again, I promise.”

 _I’ll hold you to that_ , Robert thought.

And for the first time in months, he slept in his own bed, tangled up in Aaron, and it was **p e r f e c t.**

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a little note, guys - most of my fic's are probably not going to be canon compliant until i see how this storyline plays out, but i hope you enjoy nonetheless.


	5. dancing in the dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> robert dances very badly at their wedding reception and aaron thinks about how much he loves him.
> 
> for thisissirius, because we watched that video of ryan hawley dancing and decided we were robbed of some epic drunk robert sugden dance moves in the wedding episode!

 

 

 

 

Belle had long since given up on trying to make him dance, and Aaron was mostly grateful. One slow dance with Robert was enough to last him a lifetime, thank you very much.

(Though, strangely enough, he might be a bit more of an Adele fan now.)

Aaron couldn’t hide his grin as he watched Robert awkwardly swing his hips, dancing to some catchy pop song he could never remember the name of, Victoria twirling around him, two glasses of champagne in hand.

For someone who was so unbelievably confident, and sexy, Robert was a _terrible_ dancer.

Robert had long since discarded his jacket, his tie loosened as he laughed with Victoria, the two siblings happy to be making complete idiots of themselves. Aaron never forgot what a gorgeous bastard Robert was, but now, watching as his husband (!) danced in the midst of the chaos that was their wedding reception, still wearing his blue waistcoat, Aaron was acutely aware of just how gorgeous a man Robert Sugden really was.

And the thing was, he looked even better, now he was happy. Happiness suited Robert, real happiness - the kind of happiness Aaron never thought he could give Robert, but apparently he could, easily, without even needing to think about it much.

Aaron smiled to himself as he watched Robert jerk his shoulders, completely out of time to the beat, Victoria throwing her head back and actually _cackling_ at how idiotic her brother looked.

Robert seemed to start to laugh at himself now, knocking back the last of his champagne before he crossed the room, leaving Victoria to dance with Bernice, their step-sister in a world of her own.

“Enjoying the show?” Robert asked with a smile, pressing his body close to Aaron’s.

Aaron glanced at him, taking a second to admire the way Robert’s hair was sitting slightly askew now, his husband looking a little bit sweaty and a lot less put together than he had a few hours previously.

“You’ve not missed your calling in life when it comes to dancing, mate.”

“We’ve literally just got married, and you’re still calling me your mate.” Robert rolled his eyes good-naturedly, dropping a kiss to the side of Aaron’s head. “One dance.”

“Nope.”

“Go on, one dance. For _me_ ,” Robert tried to convince him, his eyes wide and a hopeful expression on his face.

Aaron hated how easily he’d agree to anything when Robert got that look on his face, and sighed. “One dance,” he relented, knowing most of the guests were too drunk to notice Robert dragging him into the dancing throng, Sia blasting over the tinny pub speakers.

Robert seemed happy to continue to make an idiot of himself, swirling his hips and making silly hand motions, out of time with the song, swigging a fresh glass of champagne.

Aaron didn’t exactly do much dancing, but he couldn’t help himself from reaching into his pocket for his phone, pulling up the camera as Robert really got into it, singing along to the song enthusiastically.

He managed to get away with videoing his husband for about ten seconds before Robert noticed, looping an arm around Aaron’s waist, trying to make Aaron move his hips in a way that might possible be taken as dancing.

“I love you.” Aaron said, locking his phone and throwing an arm around Robert’s neck, just speaking loud enough to be heard over the music, and only heard by Robert.

“I love you too, Mr Sugden. Now, dance with me, or I’ll get your mother involved.”

 

 

 

 

 


	6. things you said when you were drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaron and robert go on holiday and spend a drunken evening on the beach

 

 

 

They were drunk.

They were on holiday, and they were _definitely_ drunk. Aaron’s vision blurred slightly as he walked along the low wall, feeling like a teenager again as he wobbled along, Robert strolling along the path beside him.

It was three in the morning, and somehow, it was still warm, Aaron dressed in a pair of shorts and a thin long sleeved t-shirt, a pair of Robert’s sunglasses shoved in his pocket.

(If Robert was remotely sober, he’d have kicked up a fuss about Aaron scratching the lenses, but Robert had decided to sample one of every cocktail the little bar they’d found had, and he was decidedly smashed.)

“Come here.” Aaron said, jumping down onto the sand, toeing off his sneakers.

“Hm?”

“Come here, Robert.” Aaron rolled his eyes at his dazed husband, Robert catching on and clambering over the low sea wall, sitting down so he could take his own shoes off.

Aaron couldn’t help but admire Robert as he watched him untie his shoes. He was gorgeous, at the best of times, but there and then, Robert was completely relaxed, wearing a stupid blue pair of dress shorts and a pristine white shirt, his skin tanned and his hair messy, sun kissed and totally unwound.

Being on holiday suited him.

It suited the both of them, really. Ten entire, blissful days to themselves, no family, no problems, no Liv related emergencies. After the few months they’d put down, it was exactly what they needed.

Robert had been the one to put a ban on their phones, the two of them only taking them out to take a picture, or make their daily phone call to Liv, occasionally sending her stupid pictures on WhatsApp.

They literally didn’t have a clue what was going on in Emmerdale, and it was _great_.

Aaron tugged Robert up off the wall, ignoring his husband’s questions as he dragged him toward the waters edge, the moonlight making the low waves practically glitter. It was like something out of a holiday brochure, and Aaron was glad he’d listened to Robert’s suggestion of a holiday in Italy, rather than pushing for Ibiza.

He’d get him to go Ibiza eventually, Aaron wasn’t giving up on it, but the calm quiet of the resort they were staying in was exactly what Aaron needed after his stint in prison.

“Thank you.” Aaron said, looping his arms around Robert’s neck as they stood at the water’s edge, the warm sea lapping around their ankles.

“What for? You complained the entire time we went to that vineyard today!”

“Because you took it way too seriously,” Aaron grinned. “I meant thank you for this, the whole holiday. It’s been really good for us, to have this much time to ourselves.”

Robert nodded. “We needed it.”

“I love you, you know.” Aaron leaned in and kissed Robert before he could reply, his husband tasting like the most awful combination of sugary syrup and rum, the remnants of his cocktail adventure lingering on his lips. “You need to brush your teeth.”

Robert smirked. “What, you not a fan of sex on the beach?”

“That’s 100% not what you drank, and no.” Aaron rolled his eyes. “Whats wrong with a beer?”  
  
“‘M on holiday!” Robert protested. “You’re meant to drink cocktails on holiday!”

“You’re an idiot.”

“You love it.” Robert replied, stumbling slightly.

“You’re so drunk.” Aaron snorted.

“So are you!”

“You’re worse.”

“Oh, am I?” Robert looped his arms around Aaron tightly, pulling them both to the ground, Aaron landing on top of his husband and knocking the wind out of him entirely.

“Serves you right.” Aaron said, trying to move away. Robert’s grip was tight however, keeping Aaron pinned down on top of him. “Really, here?”

“Who’s going to see? It’s three in the morning, everyone else is in bed!” Robert pressed a kiss to the underside of Aaron’s jawline, his hands creeping up under Aaron’s t-shirt, his palms warm against the skin of Aaron’s back.

“We’re nearly back at the hotel.”

“So? I want you now.”

Aaron sighed. “If we get arrested for public indecency, it’s your fault.”

Robert grinned. “Deal.”

 

 

 

 

 


	7. hold still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things go wrong when aaron is a bit overzealous when tying robert up.

 

 

 

“Robert, I swear, if you don’t stop moving around, I’m going to smack you.” Aaron threatened, pinching Robert’s hip as his boyfriend kept moving about, making it close to impossible for Aaron to concentrate.

“I’ll just be perfectly happy about being tied to our headboard then, shall I? Your mum can come and find me in the morning when you go to work, it’ll be great bonding for us.” Robert snarked, earning himself another pinch before Aaron continued with his tedious unknotting. 

“ _Hold still._ ” Aaron practically growled, shifting so he was half sitting on Robert’s chest, stopping him from moving completely. Robert threw his head back, sighing as he finally stilled, letting Aaron work at the knots.

They’d always had a great sex life, the two of them. They’d managed to avoid anything particularly disastrous too, until that very moment. Robert had come back from a full day of meetings in Leeds, wearing that stupid maroon suit that drove Aaron crazy, and Aaron had lasted all of a half an hour downstairs in the pub before he was making their excuses and dragging Robert upstairs by the end of his tie.

Then he’d decided tying Robert’s wandering hands to the headboard was a good idea (it had been) but quickly discovered after he’d cleaned them both up, that well, he’d gone a bit too far with the knots he’d made.

“You owe me for this.” 

Aaron rolled his eyes, finally managing to work the last of the knots free, tossing Robert’s tie aside.. “You got two orgasms, you can shove it.”

Robert wiggled his fingers, flashing a bright smile at Aaron, the kind of smile that dropped Aaron’s heart into his stomach, even now, after months of this, months of them being together properly.  “Let’s make it a third then.”


	8. not everyone is out to get you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaron and robert have a conversation about forgiveness. 
> 
> set in canon at some vague point in the future.

 

 

 

“Not everyone is out to get you. Stop thinking that, it’s _annoying_.”

Robert looked up as Aaron spoke, his stomach clenching uncomfortably. “What?”

“You’re an idiot, a lot of the time, yeah.” Aaron said, leaning against the kitchen counter. He looked good against the blues and greys of the Mill, the pristine white of the kitchen cupboards. He’d been through nearly a year of counselling, since his prison stint, and it suited him. 

Being happy suited him.

“That’s supposed to help?”

“Yes, because even if you are an idiot, people love you, Robert. I love you, Liv loves you, Vic does. People aren’t waiting for you to mess up, not everyone is waiting for you to make a mistake and prove you’re not good enough.” Aaron tried to reassure, twisting his wedding ring around his finger. “You made a mistake, last year, but I’ve forgiven you for it. Can you please forgive yourself now?”

Robert hated the tears that welled up in his eyes as he listened to Aaron speak, his stomach churning. “I don’t know how to.”

Aaron sighed, crossing the room in a few short steps, pulling Robert in for a tight hug. “Just, remember all the good things you’ve done for me, okay? Because all of that, that makes up for every mistake you’ve made."


	9. sleepy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> adam and victoria discuss how embarrassingly soft aaron and robert are when they're sleeping.

 

 

 

Adam raised an eyebrow at his wife, who was currently cooing over Aaron and Robert. “You what?”

“The two of them, they’re cute when they’re asleep, aren’t they?” Victoria repeated herself, a soft smile on her face as she looked at her brother and his husband. The four of them and Liv had gone away for the weekend, renting a cottage in the Lake District for a few days. 

Liv had gone to bed ages ago, tired of the ridiculous game they’d been playing. Aaron and Robert were competitive at the best of times, but the beer fuelled game of heads up Victoria had suggested had brought out the worst in them, the two of them determined to wipe the floor with Victoria and Adam.

(They had.)

Now, the two of them were passed out on the couch, Robert’s face buried in Aaron’s chest, the blonde man snoring softly, his arms around Aaron’s middle. In an even more surprising display of affection, Aaron had a hand knotted in Robert’s hair, another hand shoved up the back of Robert’s shirt, the material long since untucked from his trousers.

They’d never really seen the two of them like this, completely at ease.

Completely happy.

Adam smiled at his best mate’s sleeping form, tugging Victoria close. “Yeah.” he agreed. “They are, aren’t they?”

 

 

 

 

 


	10. don't stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after a long hard week, aaron gives robert a massage.

 

 

 

“What are you doing?” Robert slurred slightly, blinking sleepily at his husband. Aaron’s hands were on his shoulders, strong fingers working into the knots in his back, soothing his sore muscles.

Aaron just grinned at him, straddling his waist. “You fell asleep,” he said pointedly, Robert barely holding in a groan as Aaron worked through a particularly bad knot in his shoulder.

“’M sorry.” Robert had only intended to lie down for a few minutes after his shower, but the exhaustion of the last few days had caught up with him all at once. They’d all been working overtime, the scrapyard busy, Robert constantly driving to meetings for Home James, and the two of them even helping up at Moira’s farm, Adam’s mum struggling after a weeks worth of flash flooding.

He was knackered. Robert genuinely hadn’t done that much manual labour in years, and it showed - his body ached, and it wasn’t that blissful sort of ache that often consumed his body after an evening in bed with his drop dead gorgeous husband.

No, it was honestly sore, and he was _exhausted_.

“You were complaining your back was sore,” Aaron continued, Robert wincing as Aaron’s hands travelled downwards, working his palms into Robert’s lower back. “I figured I’d be a good husband and give you a massage.”

Robert groaned helplessly, feeling his body start to finally unwind after the week from hell. 

“I can stop, if you like.”

“God - Aaron, _jesus_.” Robert whined as Aaron’s hands stilled, moving away from his back. “I don’t want you to stop.”

He could practically hear the smirk in Aaron’s voice. “Your wish is my command, Mr Dingle.”

 

 


	11. i feel like i can't breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaron is struggling to cope with the aftermath of an accident when he gets some kind words from a stranger.

 

 

 

 

Aaron hated how he couldn’t hold back his tears, how he couldn’t stop himself from crying in front of a total stranger. “It’s my husband,” he managed to choke out, the woman’s hand on his shoulder a comfort. “He’s in a coma, and they don’t know if he’s going to wake up.”

She gave him a sympathetic look. “You’ve got to have hope, love. That’s the only way to get through this, you’ve got to keep hoping.”

“How?” Aaron begged, his voice exhausted. “It’s only been a week, and I - I feel like I can’t breathe, or think without him here. What if he doesn’t wake up? What if I never get to talk to him again? I wouldn’t survive it.”

The woman gave him a firm look, her expression reassuring. “He needs you to hope for the both of them, now. Okay? You need to go in there, and keep hoping, and keep talking to him, and he might be able to hear you. Hearing your voice might make all the difference.”

Aaron let out a shaky breath, roughly pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” she shook her head, giving him a bright smile. She reminded Aaron of Diane, the same comforting demeanour as Robert’s step-mother. “It’s better to get all this out.”

“Thats what my mum says.”

“You should listen to her, she’s a wise woman.” 

Aaron gave her a grateful smile. “I better get back to him,” he jerked his head toward the hospital, thinking of the room where Robert was lying, having not made a single move since the crash a week previously. 

“Don’t forget to keep breathing, love.”

Her words rang in Aaron’s ears as he headed back inside, the stark white walls of Hotten General turning his stomach.

Easier said than done.

 

 


	12. just get home as soon as possible, okay?

 

 

 

Robert gritted his teeth in frustration as Aaron’s mobile rang out yet again, going straight to voicemail for the third time in ten minutes. The weather outside was absolutely ridiculous - it was thundering down, and Robert had started to panic when he saw the first flash of lightening.

Aaron was driving back from Birmingham after a scrap deal, which he’d normally be fine with (Aaron was a good driver, he was) but this sort of weather put a knot of worry into the pit of his stomach.

“Aaron, it’s me. Again.” Robert sighed into his mobile, glancing out the window. “This weather is insane, I’m worried about ya. Will you give me a call back so I know you’re okay before I go totally mad?”

Letting out a shaky breath, Robert continued. “Just, get home as soon as possible, okay? I love you.”

He hung up, tossing his phone onto the couch before he began pacing their flat again. Robert hated feeling like this, he hated not knowing where Aaron was, or how he was.

They were constantly in contact. It wasn’t even intentional at this point, they just were - if either of them had to drive for a meeting or a big deal, Robert would be constantly texting Aaron mindless updates on his day, and Aaron would send him a constant stream of snapchats - of the yard, of Scrappy, of whatever gross looking sandwich he’d picked up while driving.

It had been radio silence for an hour now, and it was making him feel sick. 

What if something had happened to him? What if Aaron had crashed the van? 

Before Robert could work himself up into a complete tizzy, he heard the front door opening, and he practically ran the length of the hallway to find Aaron there, shaking the worst of the rain from his hair, as though he was a dog. 

“Aaron!” Robert exclaimed, not caring in the slightest that his husband was soaked to the skin as he threw his arms around him, hugging him tightly. “Aaron, thank god you’re okay.”

Aaron raised an eyebrow. “Why wouldn’t I be?” 

“You weren’t answering your phone, and this weather - I was afraid something had happened to you,” Robert admitted, pressing kisses against Aaron’s rain damp cheeks. 

“You’re daft, you know that? My phone died.” Aaron pulled him in for a proper kiss. “I’m fine, Robert. You don’t need to worry so much.”

Robert just hugged him tighter. “I always worry about you, you know.”

 

 

 


	13. if you can't sleep, we could have sex?

 

 

 

Robert huffed loudly, turning over yet again. He knew he was being annoying, he knew he was doing Aaron’s head in, but the stupid air mattress they were sleeping on was the most uncomfortable thing he’d ever had to suffer, and it felt like he was never going to be able to sleep on it.

Let alone sleep on it for five nights in a row.

They’d come to Ireland, to see Sandra and Liv. Liv had been living with her mum for close to three months now, being there as she got over her injury. She was planning on coming back to Emmerdale before the start of the new school year, but it was only June, and they missed her.

It was an excuse for a holiday for the three of them, Liv delighted to show them around Dublin, Aaron’s little sister used to the city now. The only problem was that Sandra lived in a tiny two bedroom flat, and there was no way they could share Liv’s tiny twin bed, and Sandra was still recovering, so they’d been landed with an air mattress.

“We could have booked a hotel, you know.” Robert grumbled, keeping his voice low so’s not to wake Sandra, or Liv.

“You know Liv would have been well annoyed at that, she wants to spend proper time with us.” Aaron replied, his voice just as hushed. Being away from Emmerdale looked good on Aaron, Robert decided, his husband stress-free and happy to trail around the shops and tourist spots all day long.

“My back is going to be done in before we leave.” Robert sighed, wincing as the mattress squeaked horribly under him. 

Aaron hummed his agreement. “We could always try sleep on the couch, might be more comfortable.”

Robert glanced over at the saggy blue couch, the whole middle dipping lower than the rest of it. “I’d be hospitalised if I slept on that,” he grumbled, crossing his arms across his chest.

Aaron pressed a kiss to Robert’s clothed shoulder. “If you can’t sleep… we could have sex,” he suggested, a smirk half fixed on his face already. 

“On this? We’d wake the bloody dead with the squeaking Aaron!” 

Aaron grinned. “Do you think your back can hold up to the floor, old man?”

Robert’s eyes narrowed, shoving Aaron off the air mattress unceremoniously, his husband barely holding in a snort as he landed on the carpeted floor of Sandra’s living room.  “Watch who you’re calling old man!”

 

 

 


	14. how could you forget your sons birthday?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron was fuming as he knocked on Diane’s front door, a million different thoughts running through his head. 

“Aaron! Is everything alright love?” Diane greeted brightly, not looking as though he had a care in the world.

“How could you forget your sons birthday?” Aaron demanded, trying to keep his cool. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with Doug, and it was a certainty that he’d arrive to the party if he started yelling at Diane, however much he wanted to.

“What?”

“It’s April 22nd. It’s Robert’s birthday, Diane, and you haven’t so much as sent him a text.” Aaron snarled, thinking of his tearful husband. Robert had disappeared twenty minutes previously, saying he was going to go and see his mum. “Today is hard enough for him without you forgetting, Diane. You’re the closest he’s got to a parent, and you’ve spent the day with Dotty on your hip, not saying a word to him. Great way of making him believe you _really_ don’t care about him.”

Robert struggled enough when it came to Diane as it was. Aaron remembered countless nights where Robert would tearfully admit that he always felt like the Sugden no one wanted, because everyone had preferred Andy and Victoria over him, even Diane.

It had taken him years to admit all that to Aaron, and then Diane went and forgot his birthday and proved him right.

Diane, to her credit, looked upset. “I can’t believe I forgot.”

“Well, fix it.” Aaron said. “Because I’m sick of picking up the pieces when you make him feel like he’s not good enough, yet again.”

 

 

 

 


	15. the kids, they ambushed me

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron raised an eyebrow as he let himself into their house, spotting Robert lying on he living room floor, Emily and Rosie sitting on his stomach, Jonathan toddling around by his head. 

They were minding Victoria and Adam’s lot while the two of them went on a weekend away for their anniversary, and Robert had taken the day off work to play uncle - and well, Aaron couldn’t help but love it, love how soft, how smitten Robert was with his nephews and nieces.

“Hiya,” he called out, toeing off his work boots, tossing his keys into the bowl by the door. 

“The kids! They ambushed me.” Robert declared dramatically, grinning at Aaron from his position on the floor. He had still insisted on wearing one of his ridiculous shirts that morning, the floral material creased and untucked, his socked feet surrounded by a mismatch of toys and Lego (most of the Lego belonged to him, not Jonathan, and it still made Aaron laugh that Robert owned more toys than the little boy did.)

“We’ll just have to gang up on them then.” Aaron smirked, picking Rosie up, easily tipping the little girl upside down. Rosie adored Aaron, and she screamed excitedly as Aaron held her upside down, a delighted smile on her face. 

Righting her before she was likely to get sick, Aaron balanced her on his hip, leaning down to press a kiss to a now sitting Robert’s lips.

“Ew.”

Robert stuck his tongue out at Emily. “Ew yourself.”

“What are we doing for tea then?” Aaron asked, settling himself down on the floor, half an eye on Jonathan, who was liable to start trying to eat Lego pieces if he was left alone for too long.

“I was thinking…” Robert grinned, Emily already excited. “Pizza and ice cream?”

Aaron couldn’t help but smile at their excited squeals. Ever since Liv had gone to university, their house had been a much quieter place, and it was nice to have it full of noise again.

He’d missed that. 

 

 

 

 


	16. hey, calm down - they can't hurt you anymore

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron’s tossing and turning was what woke Robert, knocking him out of the deep sleep he’d been in. His annoyance turned to concern instantly as he took in Aaron’s pale face, the whimpers that were escaping his lips.

He was having a nightmare.

“Aaron? Aaron, will you wake up for me?” Robert said softly, wondering if he should reach out and touch him, or if that would make things worse. At the sound of his voice, Aaron seemed to calm slightly. “That’s it. Wake up for me, eh? It’s okay, you’re home with me. Just, wake up for me.”

There were tears streaming down Aaron’s face as he woke with a gasp, terror plastered across his face. “I - I don’t - Robert?”

“Hey, hey, calm down.” Robert put a reassuring hand on Aaron’s cheek, trying to calm his ragged breathing. “They can’t hurt you anymore. You’re home with me.”

“I had a dream about prison.” Aaron admitted tearfully, his chest still heaving.

“It was just a dream.” Robert said, pressing a kiss to Aaron’s damp cheek, tasting salty tears. “See? You’re here, you’re with me. You’re not in prison anymore.”

“Felt like I was.” 

Robert’s chest ached at how exhausted Aaron sounded, how absolutely terrified his husband had been. He pulled him close to his hand, running a soothing hand down Aaron’s back. “You’re safe now. I promise you Aaron, you’re safe now.”

 

 

 

 


	17. i'm not going to be sympathetic until you go see a doctor

 

 

 

 

 

“Aaron, I’m dying.”

Aaron rolled his eyes as he listened to his husband groan from his position on the living room floor, picking up the two cups of tea he’d made, padding back to the sofa. 

“I’m not going to be sympathetic until you go see a doctor, Robert.” Aaron rolled his eyes, putting Robert’s mug down on the edge of the coffee table. 

Robert had put his back out during the week, dragging scrap up at the yard, trying to cover for Adam while he was on paternity leave. It had all been going fine until Robert had lifted something the wrong way, and _completely_ done his back in.

Robert gave him a hopeful look from his position on the hard wooden floor looking absolutely pitiful, his hair flat against his forehead, an expression close to a pout on his face. “You could give me a massage?”

“Or, you could go and see a doctor and stop annoyin’ me.” Aaron countered, turning up the sound on the telly. “I want to watch Top Gear, so shut up.”

 

 

 


	18. do you really need all those sweets?

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron raised an eyebrow as Robert put another bag of jellies into their basket, adding to the mess of chocolate and crisps. They’d gone into Hotten to go to the big Tesco there, stocking up for a lazy Friday night in.

“Do you really need all those sweets?” he asked, the slab of beer he was carting around starting to feel a bit too heavy, his arms aching. They’d been in Leeds for a couple of meetings that afternoon, and Aaron was feeling more than uncomfortable in his suit as they wandered the supermarket.

Robert nodded. “If we’re having a lazy weekend in, I want sugar.”

“You remember last time you ate that amount of sugar you were too sick to move for about a day?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“Well, I’ve got plans for you tonight Mr Dingle.” Aaron smirked, looking at the basket. “And that second bag of jellies might put a spanner in the works.”

Robert’s eyes darkened, and he chucked the sweets back on the shelf. “Lets go then.”

Aaron grinned, delighted his plan to get Robert to leave Tesco quickly worked. A little more bribery, and he’d have Robert cooking dinner without so much of a protest.

He loved how easy it was to push Robert’s buttons sometimes. 

 

 

 


	19. how could i ever forget about you?

 

 

Ashley’s funeral had been brutal. Robert hadn’t even known the vicar particularly well, but as Laurel gave her eulogy, he had felt his heart clench and his eyes water.

He couldn’t imagine how it would feel to lose the love of your life the way Laurel just had, with him not even remembering who you were. It was Robert’s worst nightmare, to ever think that Aaron would forget him.

Robert shifted slightly as Aaron got into bed beside him, tugging his sleeves down over his hands. It had taken a lot out of the both of them, Ashley’s funeral, and they’d tried their best to make up for Liv not being able to be there.

“Alright?” he asked quietly, watching as Aaron settled himself under the covers, tugging them up around his chest. 

“Today was awful,” Aaron admitted, lying on his side so he could look at Robert properly, his blue eyes bright as he scanned Robert’s face. Robert could see the beginnings of tears in Aaron’s eyes, the furrow of his brow making his heart ache.

Aaron had known too much sadness in his life, Robert decided. 

“I can’t even imagine how Laurel feels,” Robert agreed, reaching out and tangling their fingers together, admiring the way their wedding rings looked against each other. “Losing Ashley the way she did.”

“How could he forget her?” Aaron asked, biting down on the side of his lip. “I mean, I know why he did, I’m not stupid, but how could he just forget how much he loved her?”

Robert shook his head. “I don’t know how she’s coping.”

“I wouldn’t, if you ever forgot about me.” Aaron admitted, blinking back furious tears. 

Robert pressed a tender kiss to the inside of Aaron’s wrist, tugging him closer. “How could I ever forget about you?” he said quietly, hoping his eyes portrayed all the love he never felt like he had the words for. “You’re my soulmate, remember?”

 

 

 


	20. tell me you need me

 

 

 

Aaron couldn’t help but be worried by the desperate look on Robert’s face, the wild way his husband’s eyes looked. “Robert, hey - what’s wrong?”

Robert wasn’t the type to wear his heart on his sleeve, and most of the time, it took a fair bit of coaxing for Aaron to get him to open up, but not tonight. Clearly, there was something very wrong.

“Tell me you need me.” Robert blurted, tears welling in his eyes. 

“What?”

“Do you need me? Because - because I feel like nobody needs me anymore.” Robert admitted. “Vic’s all grown up now, she’s got a baby of her own, and Liv’s off to university in September, and I feel like nobody needs me, not anymore. I’m useless, Aaron, and I hate it.”

Aaron couldn’t handle seeing Robert like this, seeing his husband so upset. “You’re not useless, you idiot,” he shook his head, gathering Robert into a tight hug. “I wouldn’t be able to cope without you.”

Robert clung to him, burying his face in Aaron’s neck. “You’d be fine.”

“No.” Aaron ran a hand through the soft hair at the back of Robert’s neck, digging his fingers into the clothed skin of Robert’s hip. “I wouldn’t be here, if it wasn’t for you. You got my through some of the hardest times of my life, Robert. Do you really think I’d get through counselling every single week if it wasn’t for you driving me there and back?”

Robert stayed silent, his tears soaking into the material of Aaron’s jumper. 

“And who would cook me dinner if you weren’t around, eh? I’d be living off pot noodles and toast if I didn’t have you,” Aaron joked, pressing his lips to the side of Robert’s head. “I need you, Robert. I need you to look after me, I need you to be my best friend. I need you to help me figure out what setting to use that bloody washing machine on!”

Robert laughed at that one, a tiny little laugh that was like music to Aaron’s ears.

“I **need** you,” Aaron repeated. “I’m _always_ going to need you.”

 

 

 


	21. did you just hiss at me?

 

 

 

 

Robert glared at his husband, absolutely incredulous. “Did you just hiss at me?” he demanded, hands on hips.

Aaron barely held in a snort, his husband making for a ridiculous picture that morning, wearing his ridiculous Star Wars pyjamas, a seriously grumpy look plastered across his face. “No,” he shook his head, barely looking up from his plate of toast. “I hissed at your stupid cat.”

“Growler isn’t stupid,” Robert was immediately offended, gathering the mewling animal into his arms. As if on cue, she settled down, Robert holding her as if she was a baby, not a cat. “What did she ever do to you?”

“Tried to sit on my face this morning,” Aaron listed, rolling his eyes at the cat. “And then she knocked my cup of tea over with her tail, even though I’ve told you a million times to stop letting her on the kitchen table - oh, and she was growling at me.”

“So you growled back?”

“Yeah, so what if I did?”

Robert snorted, depositing Growler on the kitchen floor, the cat circling his bare ankles, giving Aaron a suspicious look. “You bought me this cat, you know. You could at least try not to hate it,” he pointed out, taking a sip of Aaron’s freshly made cup of tea as he sat down next to him.

Aaron shrugged. “I’m not a cat person. Anyway, you treat it like it’s a child, it’s weird.”

“She’s my baby.” Robert grinned, pressing a kiss to Aaron’s crumb covered mouth. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” Aaron relented. “But if I ever wake up with that cat in my bed again, I’m kicking you both out.”

 

 

 


	22. just, smile.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> robert has a bad day and really needs to see aaron smiling.

 

 

 

 

Aaron looked up as Robert banged into the flat, a grumpy expression on his face. He’d been in Manchester all day, stuck at meetings that Nicola was supposed to be going to with a new client of Home James. 

“Bad day?”

Robert was already tugging his tie off, tossing it carelessly aside as he crossed the room. “Just, smile. I really need to see you smile right now,” he practically begged, hovering an inch or two from Aaron.

Aaron switched off the gas, moving the pan away from the gas ring. Offering Robert his best and brightest smile, he pressed a kiss to his frenzied husband’s lips. “Would it make your day better if I told you Liv was staying at Gabby’s and we’ve got the place to ourselves tonight?”

Robert practically melted into Aaron’s embrace. “I love you,” he breathed, instantly feeling better.

Aaron grinned, giving Robert’s waist a squeeze before turning back to the cooker, the smell of the stir fry he’d spent the evening throwing together making his stomach rumble. “I made stir fry. Sit down and tell me how bad your day actually was.”

Robert slumped into once of the kitchen chairs, the top few buttons of his shirt undone, his forehead creased with annoyance. “I’m telling you, Nicola owes me big time.”

 

 


	23. is that all you've got?

 

 

 

 

Aaron smirked as he watched Robert try and catch his breath, his husband face down on their mattress, boneless and completely pliant under Aaron’s still wandering hands, sweat cooling across his pale skin.

It was their third wedding anniversary, and it was the second day they’d spent holed up in a four star hotel room in London, exploring every inch of each others bodies as if it was all completely new territory, like Aaron hadn’t mapped every inch of Robert’s body, every freckle, with his hands over the years.

He loved that even now, years on from that frenzied first time in the back of a car in the garage, they just **wanted** each other. 

Marriage hadn’t dulled their sex life, or made it boring. If anything, marriage had made them good, made them both secure, happier, safer - made them better, better than Aaron had ever thought they could be.

(Because they hadn’t always done right by each other, even after they’d gotten married, but they were still here, and they were still trying, and there was a ring on Aaron’s finger that proved that no matter what mistakes they both made, their home was together, always together.)

Running a hand down Robert’s spine, Aaron couldn’t help but laugh at the uncomfortable whine that Robert breathed into the mattress, heaving out a sigh as he turned himself over, his expression fucked out and his limbs sated, and heavy.

“I thought you’d passed out for a second,” Aaron teased, tracing circles on Robert’s lower abdomen with his fingertips, drawing variations of his own name across the freckled skin.

 _Mine_.

“You’ve got a low opinion of my stamina.” Robert mumbled a reply, his eyes fluttering shut as he spoke, tiredness practically radiating from his body.

Aaron grinned wickedly, his had moving lower, grazing over Robert’s completely soft dick, his husband emitting another uncomfortable whine, trying to squirm away from Aaron’s touch. 

“Is that all you’ve got?” Aaron teased, his fingers trailing between Robert’s thighs, over the heated skin there. “Two rounds and you’re out for the count.”

Robert’s eyes flew open, and he glared at Aaron incredulously. “People think I’m the sex addict in this relationship, you know,” he said, hands reacting as if on autopilot as Aaron straddled him, sitting comfortably on Robert’s stomach, Robert’s hands keeping a tight hold of his waist. 

Grounding him, just like Robert always did.

Aaron leaned down to kiss him, the embrace chaste, and soft, and full of every bit of the love Aaron still somehow didn’t have the words for, even now, three years from their wedding day.

“I love you, Mr Dingle.” he murmured, happy to press himself close to Robert, close to the warmth of his husband’s body, even if sex wasn’t immediately on the cards again.

Robert beamed up at him, his expression carefree, and happy, and the only thing Aaron ever wanted to see for the rest of his life. “I love you too, Mr Sugden.”

 

 

 

 


	24. say it again

 

 

 

 

 

“Say it again.” Robert managed to get the words out, his hands trembling as he looked at Aaron, his husband standing over him. Robert was sitting on the floor, his back to the wall and his knees pulled up close to his chest, trying to make himself as small as possible.

He was surrounded by broken glass and damaged furniture, the bedroom they were supposed to be starting the rest of their forever in as broken as he felt there and then, looking at Aaron’s tear stained cheeks. 

Aaron pulled his sleeve down over his hand, using the dark material to swipe at the broken glass, clearing a patch of the floor for him to sit on. He was silent, as he sat down in front of Robert, fixing him with an intense gaze. 

It had been the week from hell. Robert hadn’t been able to lie to Aaron anymore, hadn’t wanted to lie to him anymore, so he’d told him everything - about Rebecca, about that night, about what a mess he’d made of everything.

About how she wasn’t actually pregnant.

About how she’d messed him around, messed with his head, gotten every bit of the payback she’d wanted ever since Robert had spun her that story about the future he’d known they’d never have, the family and the house and the love he’d never felt for the youngest White sister.

About how he deserved it all.

Aaron hadn’t really reacted in the way Robert expected. He’d shouted, and cried, and then he’d just gone silent, quiet and calm as Robert spilled his guts, admitting to everything.

And then today, he’d called, called Robert to come around to the Mill, so they could talk properly, and Robert had been sure, he’d been so sure that this was the end, that Aaron was going to hand back his wedding ring, and tell Robert to get out, that it was over, of course it had to be over - 

Aaron’s voice was confident, and strong as he spoke, Robert breaking down into fresh floods of tears as he heard Aaron’s words for the second time, started to believe his husband for the first time.

“I forgive you, Robert.”

 

 

 

 


	25. sort yourself out, i'm too tired for sex

 

 

 

 

 

Robert groaned as he felt the bed shift, Aaron lying down beside him. He was so tired, he felt as though opening his eyes would send him over the edge. It had been the day from hell, stuck in Manchester with Nicola at meetings.

Nicola was a great business partner, sure, but she was exhausting to be around for more than an hour at a time.

“That wasn’t exactly the hello I was hoping for after not seeing ya all day,” Aaron murmured, his hand on Robert’s waist, clever fingers rubbing slow circles on his hipbone.

It was something that normally drove Robert mad, but he was too tired to react tonight. 

“Sort yourself out. I’m too tired for sex.” Robert mumbled, pressing his face further into the pillow, trying to block out the entire universe. All he wanted was a bit of peace and quiet, and maybe a spa break.

“Wow, and they say marriage doesn’t kill the romance.” Aaron teased, his hands still on Robert’s waist. 

Tiredly, Robert opened one eye, on the verge of tears as he looked at his stupidly gorgeous husband, Aaron clearly just out of the shower, his curly hair soft and fluffy and itching for hands to be ran through it.

God, Robert wanted him. He wanted him so much, but the thought of moving his head brought about the start of a migraine. 

“I can’t make any promises that I won’t fall asleep halfway through, but let’s do it.” Robert said, stifling a yawn as he managed to shift on the mattress and look at Aaron properly.

Aaron snorted. “However fun it sounds to have sex with someone comatose, I think I’ll wait until you’re a bit less tired,” he laughed, lying down next to Robert, pulling him onto his chest, his arms tight around Robert’s shoulders.

“It’s been a long day.” Robert mumbled, pressing his face into the soft material of Aaron’s pyjama top. Even after all the years they’d been together, just being near Aaron brought him more comfort than anything, or anyone else had in his entire life.

“Sleep, Rob.” Aaron said softly, pressing a kiss to the top of Robert’s head. “We’ll talk in the morning.”

 

 

 

 


	26. friends don't get each other off

 

 

 

 

“Why are you here, Robert?” Aaron sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. It it had been a long week, and all he wanted was an early night, a curry, and some shitty telly. 

He wasn’t exactly in the mood to deal with Robert, but there he was, standing on Aaron’s doorstep, smug smile fixed in place.

“We’re friends, aren’t we?” Robert shrugged, holding up a few cans. “Friends hang out and have a few drinks on a Friday night.”

Aaron rolled his eyes, not quite believing the gall of Robert to just turn up how he was, after everything that had happened the previous weekend. “Friends don’t get each other off, Robert.”

Robert’s face fell, his discomfort clear. “Aaron, don’t-”

“Don’t what? Point out the obvious? Every time you’ve called around over the past four months, Robert, we’ve ended up having sex,” Aaron was sick of Robert’s shit, at this point. They’d been going around in circles for months now, Robert keeping up the pretence of them being friends, when it was so obvious they were more.

Of course they were more.

“Aaron, it’s just a bit of fun.”

“Sure.” Aaron rocked forward on his heels slightly, fixing Robert with an intense glare. He was hurt, and upset, and he couldn’t hold back any longer. “But you know how I feel about you, so it’s not very fun for me anymore, not when you refuse to acknowledge that you’re anything except straight. I thought we were on a date, last weekend, and then your mate from work turns up and you invite them to have dinner with us, and drinks, and all of a sudden I’m on a lads night out with your work friends, when all I wanted was to have dinner with you, and see if we could make it work for real.” 

“Aaron, don’t do this.”

“I can’t do this anymore, Robert.” Aaron shook his head, hating the tears that sprung up in his eyes as he spoke. “I love you, and I can’t pretend to just be your friend.”

Robert was pale and shaky, his own eyes filled with tears as he listened to Aaron speak. “I love you too,” he said softly, his voice cracking mid-sentence. “I do, Aaron, I love you.”

“I know,” Aaron nodded. “And when you’re ready to come out, Robert, I’ll be right here waiting for you, but I can’t spend the rest of my life in the closet. I didn’t go through hell to hide again, hide who I am. You might be alright with that, but I’m not. I’m not ashamed of who I am.”

Robert reached out for him, Aaron hating the way the other man’s face fell as Aaron stepped back, shaking his head. “I can’t come out, Aaron.”

Aaron gave him a sad look. “And I can’t pretend like you’re just a friend, so there’s not much we can do, is there?” 

 

 

 

 


	27. does that line ever work?

 

 

 

 

“If being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged.” 

Aaron snorted as he heard the cheesy chat up line, turning to look at the stranger. He wasn’t Aaron’s usual type, if he was honest, but the cheesy chat up line perpetrator was undeniably gorgeous, all blonde hair and blue eyes, and a neat navy suit, a deep plum coloured tie around his neck.

“Does that line ever work?” Aaron replied, taking a drag of his pint. He’d come to his local bar for a pint and to escape his flatmates, and well - the blonde stranger seemed as good a distraction as any. 

The stranger laughed, shaking his head. “I’m not usually one for cheesy chat up lines, but you looked like you could do with a laugh,” he admitted, settling himself in the chair next to Aaron.

“Why, do I look sad or something?”

“You’ve been looking into that pint glass like it’s got all the answers, so a little, yeah,” the stranger shrugged, his gaze flickering over the drinks selection, eyes scanning the names of the beers on tap. “Can I buy you a drink?

Aaron nodded, pushing the pint glass toward him. “Just a lager, please,” he said, happy to accept a free drink, at least.

“The whole bar on offer, and you want a lager?” he raised an eyebrow, Aaron catching a glimpse of the flash watch on his wrist.

“Money doesn’t impress me, mate.”

He looked down at the watch, letting out a little laugh. “It’s a fake,” he admitted. “I had to sell my real one, so I got a fake to try and ease the loss a bit.”

Aaron laughed. “You skint then?”

“Something like that. I’m Robert, by the way,” he introduced, offering Aaron a hand. 

Aaron shook it, the blonde stranger’s hand warm in his own. “Aaron.”

Robert smiled, signalling to the barman to get them two more of the pints Aaron had been drinking. “So, Aaron - what’s a good looking guy like you drinking all alone on a Saturday night?”

Aaron laughed. “Waiting for someone who a few cheesy chat up lines to come along and buy me a drink, of course.”

 

 

 


	28. you're not alone, you never were

 

 

 

 

 

The world felt fuzzy, as Robert came too, as though there was a foggy film over the world, over the rolling green fields he’d come to know as his home. It was oddly quiet, too, which was strange, considering he’d been in the car with the radio playing full blast, a catchy pop tune thumping out of the speakers as he drove along the main road home to Emmerdale. 

Robert blinked a few times, wondering why his limbs felt so light, the tiredness he’d felt as he’d been driving gone. 

He vaguely remembered crashing, just as he’d passed the sign telling him Emmerdale was less than a mile away, a car swerving out onto the road in front of him. 

But he was _okay_.

That was strange, wasn’t it? The last thing he remembered was the impact of the crash, the world starting to spin as his car flipped, but somehow, he was parked in the middle of an empty road, the countryside calm and quiet around him.

“Robert?”

Robert’s heart dropped into his stomach as he heard the familiar voice, a voice he hadn’t heard in close to seventeen years, now. “Mum?” he managed to gasp the word out, recognising the dark haired woman sitting in the passenger seat of his car, looking exactly the same as she had done when he’d last seen her alive, all those years ago.

Sarah smiled at him, the expression making Robert feel instantly at ease. “Hi, Robert.”

“How, I mean - how are you here?” Robert couldn’t let go of the steering wheel, confusion rooting him in one spot. “You’re dead, mum.”

“I am.” Sarah confirmed, taking a second to straighten out the hem of the jumper she was wearing. It was one Robert remembered her wearing a lot when he was younger, a dark navy colour. 

“Am I dead?” Robert asked, afraid to know the answer. If he was having some sort of out of body experience where he could talk to his dead mother, maybe he was dead too.

Maybe the crash had been worse than he thought. 

“No,” Sarah shook her head, a little sadly. “Not yet, at least.”

“So I’m going to die?” Robert’s stomach twisted, feeling sick at the prospect of this being the end. He still had so much he wanted to do with his life, he still had so many things he had to make up for.

“It depends on when help comes, love.” Sarah said, her gaze fixed on the empty road in front of them. Her voice was as soft as he remembered it being, as kind. “You came home, in the end.”

Robert nodded, feeling numb. “I always would have, one day. Can’t stay away from this place, apparently,” he let out a bitter laugh. “Even if no one else seems to want me around anymore.”

“I think a lot of people want you around.”

“That’s where you’re wrong.” Robert shook his head, his hands still tightly gripping the steering wheel. He wasn’t quite sure why he couldn’t let go, but every time he tried to move his hands, it was as though his brain wasn’t sending the right signals. “I’ve messed up, mum.”

“You were always good at that, love.” Sarah teased, her smile bright. “Nothing in life is unfixable, Robert. Whatever you’ve done, I know you’ll make it right again.”

Robert shook his head again. “Aaron’ll never forgive me.”

“Aaron loves you more than you ever give him credit for.” Sarah argued. For a second, Robert felt as though he could cry, because even if this was all a figment of imagination, it was still his mum sitting there, telling him that his husband loved him.

He’d never even gotten to tell Sarah he was bisexual. 

“I’m alone, mum.”

“You’re not alone,” Sarah shook her head, giving him a look so full of motherly love, Robert’s heart ached, seeing for himself what he’d been missing from his life for so long. “You never were, Robert. There are so many people in your life who love you - and no one loves you more than me.”

Robert was crying now, desperately trying to rip his hands from the steering wheel, wanting to reach out and hug her. “You’re not here anymore,” he sobbed, hearing sirens in the distance, shattering the peaceful quiet he and Sarah had been sitting in.

“I’m always with you, Robert.”

 _“Robert, Robert - please, wake up.”_ Aaron’s voice rang through the car, Robert whipping his head left and right, not able to see his husband anywhere. 

Sarah smiled at him, a sad smile fixed on her face. “I love you, Robert.”

“Please don’t go, mum.” Robert pleaded, his heart breaking at the prospect of losing Sarah all over again.

It’s not as though he had much choice in the matter, because all of a sudden, he was back in the real world, pain shooting through his entire body, sirens blaring and Aaron practically screaming in his ear. 

“Robert, Robert please.”

“Aaron?” Robert managed to splutter, his chest aching with the effort of speaking. He was flitting in and out of consciousness, but he stayed awake long enough to hear Aaron’s reply.

“I’m here, Robert. I promise ya, I’m here.”

 

 

 

 

 


	29. is that my shirt?

 

 

 

 

 

Robert raised an eyebrow as his husband entered the room, the blue polka dot shirt he was wearing oddly familiar. “Is that my shirt?” he asked, realising he recognised it because it usually hung on his side of the wardrobe, not because he spent his life picking it up off their bedroom floor, like he did with most of Aaron’s clothes.

Aaron grinned at him, shrugging as he walked past to turn the kettle on, clattering mugs about as he replied. “I’ve got a meeting, haven’t I? You’re always banging on about how presentation is everything, figured I’d dress like a posh twat today and see if that helps.”

Robert rolled his eyes. “I don’t dress like a posh twat,” he defended himself, glancing down at the jumper he was wearing that day, the dark navy material adorned with elbow patches.

_Okay, maybe he did, a little._

Aaron set a cup of tea down in front of Robert, settling into the chair beside him. “What are you doing today anyway?” he asked, practically sinking into the kitchen chair as he drank his tea.

Robert couldn’t reply. Aaron so rarely wore shirts, it felt like an absolute novelty to get to sit and look at him now, the immaculately ironed shirt an almost strange sight on his husband, so different to his usual choices of black and grey.

And his arms.

Whatever it was about the shirt, it accentuated every inch of muscle that made up Aaron’s arms, arms made strong from years of pulling and drag metal up at the scrapyard.

Robert’s mouth was practically watering as he spoke up. “What time have you got that meeting at?” he asked, tea long since forgotten.

“Eleven, why?”

Robert glanced at his watch, a grin on his face as he watched the hand tick over to nine. “Because,” he said, grabbing Aaron by the front of the shirt, enjoying the wide eyed look on Aaron’s face as he leaned in, brushing his lips against Aaron’s in a barely there sort of kiss. “You wearing my clothes is a big turn on for me, Mr Sugden.”

 

 

 

 


	30. quit running your mouth

 

 

 

“Robert, do you always have to be such a dick?” Aaron sighed, slamming the front door shut behind him, knowing it would just grate on Robert’s nerves. In the six months since they’d moved into the Mill, Aaron had lost count of the amount of lectures he’d gotten from his husband about how he’d shatter the glass in the front door if he wasn’t careful.

He was happy to piss Robert off tonight.

“I was stating an opinion!” Robert defended, turning the kettle on. It was still early, Aaron having ushering his big-mouthed husband out of the pub before he started a fight with the Bartons. “It’s hardly a crime to point out that Pete is a idiot if he thinks he can make a go of the taxi firm for the third time. It’s not working!”

“You actually called him a ‘floundering idiot with a useless pipe dream to run the worst taxi firm in Northern England’” Aaron quoted, leaning against the kitchen counter. 

“I wasn’t wrong though, was I?”

“That’s not the point, Robert! You’ve got to learn to hold your tongue sometimes, or else everyone is going to end up hating ya, and I’d rather not be married to public enemy number one.”

Robert sighed, standing with his hands on his hips in the middle of the kitchen. “He asked me for my opinion.”

Aaron rolled his eyes. “He asked you for some business advice, and you decided to be a prick. Are you ever going to learn how to shut up, Rob?”

There was a cheeky glint in Robert’s eyes as he replied. “Why, are you going to make me shut up if I don’t listen to you in future?”

Aaron smirked, playing along now. “If you’re going to keep running your mouth like that, I can think of a few ways to make you shut up.” 

Robert stepped closer to him, the intoxicating scent of his cologne making Aaron’s breath hitch in his throat. “Oh, yeah?” he questioned Aaron, pushing for him to do something.”

“Yeah.” Aaron confirmed, his voice commanding now. “On your knees, Sugden. I’m going to put that mouth of yours to better use.”

 

 

 

 


	31. you're the only one

 

 

 

 

 

“You’re the only one.” Robert said softly, running his fingers through Aaron’s unruly hair, his husband’s head settled on his lap, Aaron sleeping deeply. It had been a long day, a long week, really, so Robert could forgive him for falling asleep in front of the television, mid-movie.

He’d get over it if it meant he could watch Aaron sleeping so peacefully, curled up on their couch, his fingers tightly gripping Robert’s knee as he dozed. 

Aaron deserved the rest.

“You’re the only one who’s ever made me feel like I deserve to be happy,” Robert continued, his heart swelling with love for the man asleep in his lap as Aaron let out a sigh, deeply asleep now. “You’re the only one who makes me feel normal, like this is exactly where I’m supposed to be.”

He hadn’t felt normal since he was fifteen, and he kissed a boy for the first time and quickly realised it was wrong. Robert hadn’t felt normal since he was sent away from his home, his own father picking Andy over him, over his own flesh and blood.

He hadn’t felt normal with Chrissie, moulding himself to fit the White’s lifestyle, the glamour and the expensive of it all, because underneath the suits and the flash haircuts, Robert had still been the farm boy from Yorkshire who’s dad had never loved him enough.

Robert brushed a thumb across Aaron’s cheekbone, leaning down to press a kiss to his hair, breathing in the familiar scent of his shampoo. “You’re the only one for me, Aaron Dingle.”

 

 

 

 


	32. you're the best i've ever had

 

 

 

 

 

“Say it.”

“Robert, fuck - _Robert_.” Aaron couldn’t catch his breath, trying to grind his hips down against Robert, desperate for some sort of relief. Robert had him pinned to their mattress, their hands intertwined above Aaron’s head.

“I’m not going to move until you say it,” Robert said, a wicked glint in his head as he stayed perfectly still, his weight keeping Aaron from moving, his dick buried in Aaron’s arse.

Aaron couldn’t think. He was so turned on, he legitimately couldn’t think about anything except Robert, and his stupid, smarmy face, and his dick, and how he wasn’t moving a fucking inch. 

“Fuck you.” Aaron tried to sound harsh, but his voice cracked mid-sentence as Robert shifted his weight slightly, knocking against Aaron’s prostate, giving away just how desperate Aaron was for him to move.

“Go on, say it.” 

“Do you really want me to beg?” Aaron retorted. He’d never admit it aloud, but he loved when Robert had him like this, completely at his boyfriend’s mercy. It helped that Robert looked really good on top of him, his blonde hair having lost all semblance of style hours previously, the only indicator that Robert was as keyed up as he was the red flush in his cheeks, across his pale chest.

“No, I want you to say it out loud.” Robert kissed him briefly, before he mouthed kisses along Aaron’s jawline, down his neck, giving him an expectant look all the while. “I told you, Aaron, I’m not moving until you say it.”

Aaron let out a frustrated groan.

“Come on. Say it.”

Aaron glared at his boyfriend, his heart racing as Robert looked at him in that free, openly affectionate way he wasn’t quite used to seeing just yet, even six months down the line from their second first kiss. 

He loved him. He hadn’t said it aloud yet, but he loved him. 

Loved how _good_ Robert could make him feel. 

Aaron fixed Robert with an intense gaze, relishing the way Robert’s eyes seemed to widen, his breath hitching in his throat as he waited for Aaron to speak. “You’re the best I’ve ever had.”

 

 

 

 


	33. for the love of a mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> robert talks to aaron about losing pat.

 

 

 

 

“Who’s that then?” Aaron asked, squinting at the yellowing photograph in Robert’s hands. 

Robert looked up, in his own little world for a second before he replied, brushing a thumb over the kindly face in the photograph. “My mum,” he said, glancing at the photo again. He couldn’t be more than a few weeks old in the phone, a tiny baby with a shock of white blonde hair peeking out from underneath a tiny knitted hat. “My real mum, Pat.”

Pat Sugden, the mother he’d never known. He’d only been a few months old when she’d died, no where near old enough to even have a fuzzy memory of her, no one around to tell him about his mum. 

He knew next to nothing about the woman who’d brought him into the world, the woman he’d gotten half his genetics from. 

Robert looked up, his vision blurry with tears as he looked at his husband. “I didn’t know her,” he said quietly, hating the way his voice cracked as he spoke. How could he possibly feel grief for a woman he’d never known?

“How old were you when you died?” Aaron asked, sitting down next to Robert on the edge of their bed, a reassuring hand on Robert’s knee, his fingers digging into Robert’s leg, grounding him, keeping him in the room. 

It was hard, to talk about this sort of thing, but Aaron helped, Aaron always helped. 

“Five months old,” Robert replied quietly, looking at the photo again. He recognised it as Emmerdale Farm, the rolling green fields of his childhood home, his tiny baby self bundled up in Pat’s arms. “How can I feel sad about someone I never knew?”

“I guess maybe you mourn the mum you never had.” Aaron said, trying his best, just like he always did.

Robert nodded. “I just….. It wasn’t enough that I lost my real mum, you know? Pat died when I was a baby, and I was lucky enough to get another mum in Sarah, and then I lost her too. Hows that fair? Some people get a mum for their whole lives, and both of mine had died by time I was fifteen.”

Aaron’s arms were instantly around him, calloused palms rubbing gently up and down Robert’s arms as he started to cry, feeling jealous, and sad, and overwhelmed all at once. He saw it everyday, saw Bernice with Diane and was so jealous of the fact his step-sister still had a mum, still had a parent to love her. He saw it with Laurel, and Doug, and half the bloody village - parents still alive, still loving their kids, and here he was, his parents, all three of his parents dead, his brother on the run, a step-mother who never really knew him, not really.

Where was the fairness in all of that? 

“You can share my mum,” Aaron said, resting his chin on Robert’s shoulder, his gaze on the photo now too, the only photo Robert had left of Pat. “I know it’s not the same, but…”

 

 

 

 

 

Robert couldn’t help but smile through his tears. “Thank you,” he murmured, leaning his head against Aaron’s. “I’ve got a brother and a sister, my mum’s kids from her first marriage.”

“Really?” Aaron sounded surprised. 

Robert nodded, thinking of the brother and sister he barely knew, just knew by name. “Haven’t seen them since I was a kid, I wouldn’t even know where to find them now.” 

“Maybe you should try and find them,” Aaron suggested, holding him tighter. “Could be nice.”

Robert shrugged. “I’ve got my family here, haven’t I?”

Aaron pressed a kiss to the side of Robert’s head, smiling against Robert’s skin. “Yeah, you have.”


	34. strictly come dancing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> robert learns about aarons secret dancing skills.

 

 

 

 

Robert paused in the doorway of their bedroom, smiling to himself as he watched his husband put away their laundry. Aaron had his phone hooked up to the speakers that lived on their dresser, some catchy pop song blasting as Aaron put away the clothes Robert had so meticulously washed and ironed earlier that morning.

That was their deal, now. Robert would do the washing and ironing (mostly because Aaron had burnt a hole in Robert’s favourite shirt) and Aaron would tidy it all away.

Robert couldn’t help but smile to himself as he watched Aaron sing along to the song completely off key, swinging his hips as he tided the a bundle of shirts away, completely lost in his own world, wearing a pair of Aaron’s joggers slung low on Aaron’s hips, the legs slightly too long and rolled up at the hem, a strangely possessive feeling rising in his chest at the sight of Aaron wearing his clothes. 

He hadn’t realised Aaron could dance. Aaron didn’t exactly come across as the dancing type, but as Robert watched his husband dance around the room, he realised Aaron had a bit of a hidden talent. 

“You’ll be going on Strictly next,” Robert teased, laughing as Aaron spun around, his face flushing a bright red as he realised he’d been caught out. “Hey, don’t stop on my account, i was enjoying the show.”

Aaron rolled his eyes, throwing a neatly folded pair of trousers at Robert’s head. “You’re a prat,” he said, nudging the drawer he’d been shoving clothes in closed.

“I didn’t know you could dance.”

“I can’t,” Aaron shook his head, stuffing the last of the clean laundry into the bottom drawer, turning down the music as he passed the speaker, the song changing to a ridiculous pop song, the music thumping. “Just have a bit of rhythm, unlike you.”

Robert tugged Aaron in by the waist, the material of his pyjama top soft under Robert’s fingertips. Even now, after so many months, years together, Robert sometimes still felt like his heart could absolutely burst with love for the man he’d been so lucky to marry.

Aaron smiled at him, the two of them stumbling around the middle of their bedroom, Aaron’s grip on Robert’s waist tight as he attempted to force Robert to mimic his far more fluid movements. “I’ll teach you to dance,” he grinned, guiding Robert’s hips from left to right, trying to move him in some sort of time to the beat.

Robert couldn’t help but snort as Aaron despaired at his inability to keep time with the music. “I don’t think dancing is my thing,” he laughed, wrapping an arm around Aaron’s shoulders as the song changed to a slow, familiar pop song. “Is this our wedding song?” he asked quietly, recognising the opening lyrics.

 

 

_I was heaving  
Breaths I couldn’t bear to breathe in._

 

 

Aaron nodded, giving Robert that soft, secretive smile he seemed to only save for these moments, the two of them swaying on the spot, completely wrapped up in each other. “I love you,” he said softly, burying his chin into Robert’s shoulder.

Robert breathed in the familiar scent of Aaron’s shampoo, the musky combination of his deodorant and something so distinctively Aaron settling him in that away only Aaron could.

“I love you too,” Robert replied, grazing his lips against Aaron’s forehead. “Don’t forget me when you’re paired up with some hot dancer on Strictly though, eh?”

Aaron snorted. “Idiot.”

 

 

 

 


	35. fancy the pants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaron admits just how much he fancies the pants off robert.

 

 

 

 

It’s not as if Aaron didn’t know he had a good-looking husband. He was well aware that Robert was a good-looking bloke, thank you very much, Robert’s looks had been one of the first thing’s he’d noticed about him, all preppy blonde hair and a smarmy grin fixed in place on his mouth, two things Aaron had never known he found attractive in a fella.

But today? Today Robert was out to ruin him. It was the height of summer, and they’d come to the Woolpack for a few post work pints. Aaron was sitting at one of the outside benches with Adam and Victoria, nursing the dregs of a cider, waiting for Robert to come back with their next round.

Expect he was yet to stop talking to Nicola, standing with his hands on his hips, those ridiculous blue trousers he’d donned that Saturday morning highlighting the curve of his arse, the material tight across his thighs. 

God, Aaron loved his arse, and those trousers did nothing but highlight his husband’s great arse. The white shirt he’d paired it with wasn’t exactly helping either, the pristine shirt rolled up to Robert’s elbows, showing off his broad shoulders, the length of his back.

Aaron knew every inch of the skin under that shirt, every freckle, every scar. His mouth was practically watering as he stared at Robert, admired the summery outfit he was wearing, admired the way his blonde hair was slightly messy, his new sunglasses perched on top of his head, his serious business face fixed in place as he and Nicola chatted.

“Aaron?”

“Huh?” Aaron turned to his sister -in-law, flushing bright red as he realised he’d bene caught staring.

“A picture would last longer.” Victoria smirked, sipping on one of the summery cocktails Charity had decided to start serving as they’d entered the height of summer, long bright days making people happy enough to hand over ten quid for a badly mixed glass of spirits and food colouring. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Aaron shook his head, draining the last of his cider. He shouldn’t feel embarrassed, getting caught staring at his own husband’s arse, but he wasn’t exactly used to being so open and honest about how much he honest to god fancied the pants off Robert, even now, over a year down the line from when they’d first gotten back together.

“Mate, you were practically drooling!” Adam snorted, tossing a handful of peanuts into his mouth, 

Aaron rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well, I’m allowed to fancy my husband, aren’t I?” he grumbled, spinning his empty glass between his hands, watching as Robert _finally_  ducked inside the pub to get them their next round.

Victoria beamed at him. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say you fancy Robert!” she exclaimed, nudging Adam. “Have you?”

“It’s not like we’re always talking about that sort of thing.” Adam shrugged, polishing off the last of his peanuts.

“Talking about what?” Robert asked, arriving back to the table with another tray of drinks for them, his sunglasses back in place, blonde hair mussed up and glowing in the sunshine.

“About how much Aaron fancies the pants off ya.” Victoria giggled, reaching for her fresh cocktail, looking delighted with herself as she tossed her hair over her shoulder, trying to gauge their reactions.

Robert simply smirked, giving Aaron’s knee a squeeze under the table. “Good thing I fancy the pants off him as well then.” 

 

 

 

 


	36. bottom of a whiskey bottle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> robert copes (or doesn't cope much at all, really) on aaron's wedding day.

 

 

 

 

His world was too quiet now, Robert decided, looking around the empty flat he now called home. He’d moved into the tiny one bedroom flat in Leeds nearly two years ago now, and it still didn’t feel like home. He hadn’t exactly put up any homely touches, no photographs, nothing.

He didn’t have much of a life, not anymore. 

Robert sat down at his kitchen table, cracking open a fresh bottle of whiskey, satisfied by the burning sensation he felt in his throat as he knocked some back, relishing in how it made him feel awake, made him feel something close to alive again. 

Aaron was getting married today. 

They’d tried to hide it from him, Victoria and Diane, but Robert had found out. He’d seen it on Facebook, on Liv’s Facebook page - a cheesy post about getting ready for her brother’s wedding.

He was getting married today. The love of Robert’s life was getting married to someone else today, and it made Robert want to curl up and _die_. 

How had he managed to make such a mess of it all? He’d ruined their marriage before they’d managed to even make it a legal one, he’d ruined the life he built with Aaron in a matter of weeks, a life he’d spent months and months working to have a second chance at.

All ruined because of _her_.

Because of one mistake, because of a baby that had never existed in the first place, because he’d been too _weak_ to hold himself together, too stupid not to jump into bed with the one person who’d been out to ruin him and Aaron from the day she’d arrived in Emmerdale.

Robert could remember the fight as if it had happened last week, instead of close to two and a half years ago. The way Aaron had just _crumbled_ when Rebecca had played that voicemail in a pub full of people, the way Aaron had just cried, and cried, and cried when Robert had admitted it all.

The way Aaron had set his wedding ring down on the kitchen counter and told Robert that was it, that it was over, that there was no coming back from this for them.

Robert didn’t remember much of the last two years, if he was honest. He’d spent most of the first one in a drunken haze, draining bottle after bottle of whiskey for the first few months, until Victoria had demanded he get help.

That’s when Robert had decided to move out, live somewhere no one could judge him for his drinking habits. 

He was better off alone, anyway. This way at least, the only person he could ever hurt was himself. 

Glancing at his phone, Robert knew he shouldn’t look, that he shouldn’t check, but he couldn’t help himself, bringing up Liv’s Facebook page, his stomach churning as he looked at the newest post.

_Happy wedding day bro._

Aaron looked happy, one arm around Liv, another around his husband, a dark haired man with a bright smile and nowhere near the baggage Robert had come with. He’d overhead Victoria telling Diane Aaron had met him at Bar West, a chef who lived in Hotten who worshipped the ground Aaron walked on.

A man who loved him the way Aaron deserved, a man who didn’t hurt him the way Robert had.

Robert couldn’t stop the tears as he threw his phone across the room, the smash as it connected with the kitchen counter too satisfying, another broken piece of Robert’s _broken_ , _useless_ life.

Everything felt too loud now, his thoughts screaming at him, telling him he was never going to be good enough, asking how he’d ever even thought that he could be good enough for Aaron, for _anyone_.

Reaching for the whiskey, Robert put the bottle to his head, knowing the alcohol would put an end to the screaming thoughts he had in his head. Maybe drinking himself into oblivion wasn’t the healthiest way to cope with his problems, but well -

the love of his life married someone else today.

 

 

 

 


	37. cheer up, grumpy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaron does his best to cheer a grumpy robert up with the help of mr bear.

 

 

 

“Aaron, I’m not in the mood,” Robert sighed at his husband, the effects of a long day having taken their toll. He’d been in meetings in Manchester all morning, and then Nicola had sent him on a wild goose chase that afternoon, looking for a new client out Birmingham way who apparently didn’t even exist, and he was knackered.

He just wanted to curl up in bed, and read a book, and forget that the whole day had ever happened. Robert watched as Aaron raised an eyebrow, turning to root in his wardrobe for something.

“What are you doing?” he sighed again, hugging his knees to his chest. Aaron was in a good mood that evening, and while normally, he’d relish in Aaron’s happy demeanour and bright smile, but he just felt absolutely horrendous that evening.

“I’m cheering you up, of course.” Aaron grinned, producing the teddy bear Robert had won at the theme park, nearly two years ago now, the gigantic stuffed toy looking ridiculous in his gruff husband’s hands.

Robert raised an eyebrow. “Pity I’m not five,” he grumbled.

Aaron threw himself down on their bed, thrusting the teddy bear at Robert. “How can you still be grumpy when you’ve got Mr Bear looking at ya?” he grinned.

“Mr Bear?”

“Leo named him,” Aaron shrugged, pushing the teddy bear against Robert’s chest, the material soft against his skin. He put on a ridiculous deep voice, doing what Robert assumed was supposed to be an imitation of a cartoon bear. “Robert, turn that frown upside down.”

Robert couldn’t hold back a snort. “You’re an idiot, you know that?” he said, trying to rearrange himself into a serious facial expression again, his mouth barely keeping to a frown as he watched his husband waggle the teddy bear in front of him, Aaron pulling faces.

“An idiot that you love!” Aaron said, still putting on the silly voice, moving the teddy bear’s arms about, as though he was trying to make the toy dance.

“I do love you.” Robert said quietly, reaching for the teddy bear. It felt ridiculous, having such an attachment to the toy when he was thirty two years old, but it reminded him of those new, exciting first days of their relationship. 

“Feel a bit better now?” Aaron nudged, pressing his cheek to Robert’s still raised up knees. 

Robert nodded. “I just had a crap day, that’s all.”

“Well, that’s why you have me, innit?” Aaron said, kicking off his shoes and curling himself around Robert, the teddy bear squished between them. “Fancy a takeaway or something tonight?” 

Robert breathed in Aaron’s familiar scent, the odd combination of Robert’s shower gel and the cheap Lynx spray Aaron always used, as though he was still fifteen years old.

“Yeah,” he murmured, too comfortable now he was wrapped up in his husband’s arms. “Can we just stay here for a bit first?”

Aaron nodded, pressing his lips to Robert’s in a sloppy kiss. “Love you, Mr Dingle. Even if you are more of a grump then I am, sometimes.” 

Robert rolled his eyes. “Yeah, alright.”

Aaron grinned, shoving the teddy bear into Robert’s armpit, half lying on top of Robert now. “Mr Bear loves you too, ya grumpy git.”

 

 

 

 


	38. finger on the pulse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaron develops a strange new habit, and robert doesn't quite understand.

 

 

 

Robert was half asleep when Aaron got in from the scrap run he and Adam had been on all day, the two of them picking up a few new clients up Birmingham direction. He felt the bed dip beside him, and he was about to mumble out a hello when he felt Aaron do something strange.

It wasn’t unusual for Aaron to come in to their bed and wrap himself completely around Robert if he’d gone to bed first, but as Aaron settled himself around Robert, his chin digging into the space between Robert’s neck and shoulder, he pressed a finger to the inside of Robert’s wrist.

Robert kept his eyes closed and his breathing even as he tried to figure out what Aaron was doing, curious now. Aaron’s index finger was pressed to the inside of his wrist, right over the vein there.

_Was Aaron checking his pulse?_

Robert laid still, and waited, listened to the soft muttering Aaron was doing under his breath, too low for Robert to understand what he was saying.

After a few more seconds, Aaron moved his hand, shifting it to Robert’s stomach, bunching up the material of Robert’s pyjama top so he could press his palm to the warm skin of Robert’s abdomen, the usual way they’d fall asleep like this, with Aaron’s much stronger body tightly wrapped around Robert’s torso.

Taking a mental note to ask Aaron about it later, Robert buried his head further into his pillow, letting sleep take over now his husband was home, and in bed, wrapped up around Robert, exactly where he should be.

 

 

 

Robert had forgotten about it until it happened again, the two of them sitting in the Woolpack, having a quiet, post work pint. They were huddled together in a corner booth, not in the mood to socialise with anyone else.

They were sitting close enough for their knees to be knocking together, Aaron pressed against Robert’s side, comfortable in their relationship in a way Robert sometimes still wasn’t used to.

Marriage had changed them, made them better, made them more comfortable with each other and the love they shared. Robert wasn’t sure how, or why marriage had made such an impact on their relationship, but he was glad of it, glad of how willing Aaron was with things like holding his hand as they’d wander home to the Mill at night, or sitting, pressed close to him like he was now.

Robert was mid-sentence, telling Aaron about a meeting he’d had earlier that day when it happened again, Aaron pressing a finger to the inside of Robert’s wrist, not once taking his eyes off Robert as he mumbled something under his breath.

Maybe the pub hadn’t been the best place to ask, judging by the wide eyed expression on Aaron’s face, but the words were out before Robert could really think about it all that much.

“Why do you do that?” Robert inquired, gesturing to the finger on the inside of his wrist.

Aaron looked flustered, yanking his hand away. “I’ll get us another round in, shall I?” he said, making as though to move out of their booth.

“Aaron,” Robert said quietly, putting a hand on his husbands knee. “Talk to me. Whats wrong?”

Aaron shifted uncomfortably in his seat, a blush rising in his cheeks as he spoke. “I just…… When I was inside, I used to dream about you, you know - just doing normal stuff with you, getting to go to bed with you every night. Sometimes I just need to remind myself you’re actually here, that I’m not dreaming.”

Robert’s heart _ached_ as he listened to Aaron, understood why Aaron had taken up his odd new habit. “I’m sorry,” he blurted automatically, not wanting Aaron to feel as though it had annoyed him. “I was just curious.”

“I woke up a few times thinking I was at home, with you, and I’d be all alone in my bunk,” Aaron admitted softly, lacing his fingers with Robert’s, his grip tight. “I need to remind myself this is all real sometimes, y’know? That you’re here, that I get to be with you every day.”

Robert was torn between wanting to kiss Aaron for all he was worth, or wanting to hug him and never let him go. Aaron, his gorgeous, brilliant Aaron had been through too much in his life, enough to need to do something like check Robert’s pulse to make sure it was all real, that Robert was really there.

Robert settled for squeezing Aaron’s hand tightly, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of his husbands mouth. “If you need to do it, never stop, okay?” he said, _wanting_ , _needing_ Aaron to have every coping mechanism he wanted, any coping mechanism that would help.

Aaron gave him a grateful smile. “Okay.”

 

 

 

It was weeks later when it happened again, Robert sitting at his desk in the portacabin, trying his best to ignore whatever contract Nicola and Jimmy were fighting over, the two of them doing his head in.

Aaron arrived in the door silently, heading straight for Robert’s desk, putting a coffee down in front of him. His nightmares had been worse that week, and Aaron looked exhausted, drained completely by four straight nights of interrupted sleep.

“Thought you might need it,” Aaron said quietly, not wanting to be dragged into Nicola and Jimmy’s argument. He had another cup of coffee in his own hand, and before Robert could reach for his, Aaron pressed his finger to the inside of Robert’s wrist.

Just for a second, just for long enough for Aaron to breath a soft sigh of relief, pulling Adam’s desk chair over so he could sit next to Robert, the two of them pressed together knee to elbow.

“I’m here,” Robert murmured, under the pretence of mumbling a thank you for the coffee into Aaron’s ear. “You’re home, with me. I promise.”

 

 

 

 


	39. oh, what a lovely face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a drunken aaron tells robert just how much he loves him (and his face)

 

 

 

“God, I love that face of yours,” Aaron said, slurring his words slightly as he leaned across the table, a clumsy hand brushing against Robert’s cheek. 

Robert couldn’t help but laugh as his husband pawed at his face, Aaron absolutely _polluted_. He and Adam had been in the pub drinking since about four, so by time Robert had arrived to join, they were well on their way to drunk. He was only slightly tipsy himself, wanting to keep at least half an eye on Aaron.

“I think you’ve had enough, don’t you?” Robert said, pulling Aaron’s pint away from him, jerking his head toward the door of the Woolpack. “Let’s go home, yeah?”

Aaron smirked, an attempt at a sultry smile on his face. “You going to show me a good time then Sugden?” he said, trying his best to play footsie with Robert under the table, kicking Robert in the ankle instead.

“Alright drunky, time to get you home to bed,” Robert laughed, standing up and hoisting Aaron out of his seat, Aaron instantly wrapping his arms around Robert’s waist, his grip iron tight.

“You’ve got a great body,” Aaron said, patting Robert’s stomach affectionately, an appreciative look on his face. “I could sleep on this, you know? Very comfortable.”

Robert raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know if thats a compliment?” 

“It is,” Aaron drawled, a wicked gleam in his eyes as he moved one of his hands, smacking Robert on the arse, making Robert jump about a mile in the air. 

“ _Aaron_.” Robert hissed, painfully aware that Chas and Paddy were watching on from the bar, Aaron’s mum laughing hysterically at her son’s behaviour. 

“What? I like your arse!” Aaron defended himself, sticking a hand in Robert’s back pocket, giving it an appreciative squeeze. 

“Right, we’re definitely going home.” Robert hauled Aaron toward the door, trying not to give in to how brilliantly distracting it was to have Aaron’s hand on his arse, the familiar beginnings of a night to remember stirring in Robert. 

( _Though, judging by the way Aaron couldn’t even hold himself up as they walked through the village, his husband would be passed out before Robert even managed to get him into bed._ )

“BELLE!” Aaron waved at his cousin, giving her a dopey smile. “Look! I’ve got a husband, dead gorgeous husband actually. Right? He’s dead gorgeous.” 

Belle laughed. “You had a few drinks?”

“Just a few,” Robert rolled his eyes, answering for his once again distracted husband. Aaron was doing his best to untuck Robert’s shirt from his trousers, his tongue poking out the side of his mouth in concentration as he fumbled with the material. “I’d better get him home to bed.”

“Yeah you better.” Aaron grinned, looking delighted with himself as he managed to untuck most of Robert’s white shirt, a cold hand pressing against Robert’s hip.

Belle waved them goodbye, Robert having to half drag Aaron down the pathway to their house. “Aaron, you’re a terrible drunk, you know that?” he joked, trying to get his house keys out of his pocket, Aaron’s wandering hands everywhere.

“I love you,” Aaron slurred, whiskey scented breath ghosting over Robert’s jawline. “Do I tell you that enough? I love you, Robert Sugden. You are gorgeous and I love your face.”

“Just my face?” Robert teased, finally managing to unlock the door, bundling Aaron into the hallway of their flat, kicking the door shut behind him. Aaron was all over him instantly, burying his face in Robert’s chest.

“Love all of ya.” Aaron corrected himself, a happy smile on his face. “You make me so happy.”

“You make me happy too,” Robert replied, directing Aaron to the kitchen, sitting him down in one of the chairs, turning his attention to the kettle, making Aaron a cup of tea.

“I love your smile.” Aaron blurted. “Your proper smile, you know? The one you only ever have with me, or Vic, or Liv. It’s nice, y’know? Knowing I make ya happy.”

“Of course you make me happy,” Robert said, adding a dash of milk to Aaron’s tea, setting it down in front of him. “Drink that, eh? Might make the hangover a bit easier in the morning.”

Aaron nodded, blowing on his tea as if he was a kid, a grin permanently fixed in place on his face. “I know we’ve had our problems,” he mumbled, taking a sip of the tea. “But I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else, you know that, don’t you?” 

“I know.” Robert said softly, giving his knee a squeeze. “I always know, yeah?” 

Aaron beamed, reaching out with a shaky hand, brushing it down the centre of Robert’s face, making him laugh. “You’ve got a _lovely_ face, Rob. Really lovely.”

 

 

 

 


	40. for the love of a sister

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> liv unknowingly comforts robert on a tough day.

 

 

 

Liv raised an eyebrow as she looked at Robert hunched over on the couch, staring blankly at the television. It was late enough on Saturday morning, late enough for it to be strange that Robert was still in his pyjamas, the ridiculous Star Wars patterned trousers she’d bought him last Christmas paired with a hoodie of Aaron’s she was prone to stealing herself.

Spreading some more chocolate spread on the pile of toast she’d made herself, Liv picked up her cup of tea, padding across the kitchen to join Robert on the couch, plonking herself down beside him unceremoniously.

“Why are you watching the news?” Liv rolled her eyes, dumping her plate and mug down on the coffee table, half expecting Robert’s usual lecture about getting a coaster.

Robert shrugged, glancing at the television. “Wanted to see if the world had ended yet,” he quipped, gesturing at the news story about Trump.

Liv rolled her eyes, grabbing the control and turning Netflix on, flicking through the shows they’d been watching. She and Robert had been working their way through American Horror Story, Aaron not one bit interested in watching it with them.

“Have you been watching it without me?” Liv asked, suspicious. She could have sworn they’d only been on season three, but Netflix was telling her otherwise.

Robert shook his head. “I think we both fell asleep the other week when we were watching it,” he admitted, leaning back in his seat, the sleeves of Aaron’s hoodie tugged down around his wrists. “Bit gorey for this hour of the morning though, innit?”

Liv rolled her eyes. “What do you want to watch then?”

Robert reached across for the control, flicking through the options on Netflix before he came to an unfamiliar title. “Fawlty Towers,” he grinned, as if Liv should know what that was. “We used to watch this all the time growing up. It aired in like the 1970s, and they only ever made twelve episodes, but it’s the best.”

“The 70s? Jesus, Robert, how old are you?”

Robert rolled his eyes, shoving at her side. “I’m not that old, cheeky. It’s a classic, you’ll love it.”

Liv settled back on the couch, offering Robert a slice of toast before she spoke. “If I don’t, I’m making you watch all of Stranger Things from the beginning again.”

“For the third time?” Robert raised an eyebrow. First time around, the three of them had watched it together, and Liv had then roped Robert into watching it all again, knowing Aaron had little interest.

Liv grinned, confirming his suspicions. “For the third time.”

 

* * *

 

It was hours later when Aaron finally got home, and they’d managed to work their way through ten of the twelve episodes, half eaten pizza scattered across the coffee table, Liv sitting with an ice cream tub in hand.

Robert was as much of a slob as she was, when he wanted to be, ordering them in a feast from Dominos and trekking to David’s to get in some ice cream and crisps. It was the best kind of day, and Aaron arriving home only made it all the better.

“Hiya,” Aaron greeted, kicking his boots off at the door. “Have you two been lazing in here all day?” he inquired, padding across the room in his socks to drop a kiss to Robert’s chocolate covered lips.

Liv did her usual of pretending like they were disgusting her, but in actuality, she loved days like these, when nothing in the world had gone wrong, and the three of them were just happy.

A **_happy_** family.

“I need to piss,” Robert mumbled, Liv wrinkling her nose at his admission.

“Gross, go away.” Liv kicked at Robert with her slippered foot, Aaron snorting as his husband stumbled slightly, his knees cracking as he eased himself up off the couch. “Boys are disgusting.”

“Yeah, they are.” Aaron agreed, sitting down next to her on the couch, stealing a spoonful of the ice cream, reaching for some of the leftover pizza as he ate. “How’s he been today?”

Liv raised an eyebrow. “He’s been brilliant, we’ve been watching some old show he used to watch with his family all day,” she shrugged, wondering why Aaron would even need to ask.

Aaron raised an eyebrow. “So he’s been fine, all day?”

“Yeah, why?”

Aaron tugged her close, pressing a kiss to the side of her forehead. “You’re a star, you know that?” he said, a bright smile on his face. He genuinely looked proud of her, as if she’d done something other than slob about in her pyjamas all day long, eating junk food and watching telly.

“Why are you being so weird?” Liv asked, not protesting the cuddle Aaron was giving her. He was her big brother, after all.

“It’s his mum’s anniversary today,” Aaron admitted, glancing toward the bathroom, checking if Robert was on his way back. “He finds it really tough, and I was worried about him being alone today.”

Liv didn’t know much about Robert and his family, just enough to know his parents were both dead, that he’d lost his mum in tragic circumstances - she’d been a good mum, as well, judging by how Robert would talk about her sometimes, briefly mentioning something she’d do, or cook, a soft, sad smile on his face.

“I didn’t know,” Liv said quietly, glancing at the paused screen. She’d been happy to indulge Robert and watch all of Fawlty Towers with him when she realised just how genuinely funny it was, Robert quoting every character as though he’d watched it a million times over himself.

“Did a stand up job either way,” Aaron beamed at her, munching his way through his slice of pizza.

Liv couldn’t help feeling a little bit proud of herself. Robert had been a rock for her for a long time now, sorting her problems and getting her place back at school, making sure she was getting on alright.

She’d never really thought about how she’d ever be able to help him, return the favour.

But she _had_ , and without knowing, too.

Liv grinned, scooping out the last of the ice cream, the chocolatey mixture mostly melted now, chunks of cookie dough floating in the soupy dregs left in the tub. “Well, he’s my brother too, had to look out for him, didn’t I?”

 

 

 


	41. the first anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> robert and liv bond over the grief of losing their mothers.

 

 

 

Robert set one of the mugs of tea he was carrying down in front of Liv, giving her a kind smile. “I thought you could do with a cup,” he admitted as she gave him a confused look, knees hugged to her chest as she sat on one of the kitchen chairs, staring into the distance.

“Thank you,” Liv said, in that unfamiliar, quiet voice he and Aaron had heard a lot more of over the past year. She was still an absolute firecracker, still causing trouble and wreaking havoc on the village with Gabby and Noah in tow, but she had her quiet, thoughtful moments now, the moments tinged with a sadness Robert knew all too well himself.

Robert didn’t say anything for a second, letting Liv take a few sips of her tea, hoping that the hot drink would help her relax a bit. It was no use forcing her to talk, they’d learned that well enough in the years she’d been living with him and Aaron.

“Is it always going to feel like this?” Liv asked quietly, her voice cracking mid sentence. “Like I’m never going to stop missing her, like there’s always going to be this empty ache in my chest?”

Robert thought for a second, before he replied, trying to find the right words. “I used to wonder if I’d ever feel happy again, after my mum died. I couldn’t imagine ever being happy in a world that she wasn’t in,” he began, setting his cup of tea down on Liv’s bedside locker.

“Do you still feel like that?”

“Sometimes.” Robert admitted, knowing it was better to be honest with her. “It’s mostly on special days now, you know? Like on her birthday, or Christmas, days I’d wish she was here.”

Liv nodded in understanding. “Yeah.”

“The first year is the hardest.” Robert continued, hating the tears that welled up in Liv’s eyes as he spoke. “It is, it’s the hardest one. It’s the first time you’ve got to spent a birthday, or Christmas, or New Year without them. You’ve made it through the first year, that counts for a lot, you know?”

“So it’ll get easier?”

Robert swallowed thickly, tears welling in his own eyes as he thought about his mum, his dad, all the people he’d lost in own life, how he managed to keep going without them. “You’re going to have bad days. You’re going to have days like today when you miss them constantly, I’m not going to lie to you and say you’ll stop feeling like this one day. My mum died nearly seventeen years ago now, and I still have those days - they don’t happen as often anymore though.”

Liv nodded, roughly rubbing at her eyes. “We never even really got on, when she was alive, not like you and your mum.”

Robert shifted so he was sitting a bit more comfortably, giving her a sympathetic look. “My dad and I never got on, not really. That doesn’t mean I can’t miss him, miss the years I didn’t get to have with him. Whatever happened, she was your mum. She _is_ your mum, and you can grieve for her forever, if you want to.”

Liv shook her head, her face flush with tears she was refusing to cry. “I don’t want to feel like this forever,” she admitted. “Is that horrible? I want to feel happy again, get on with my life. Does that make me a terrible daughter?”

“It makes you human, Liv.” Robert nudged. “It’s hard, being the people left behind when someone dies. You can’t be expected to be sad forever. That doesn’t mean you love your mum any less, of course it doesn’t. I’m happy, doesn’t mean I don’t love, or miss my mum. It just means I’m doing her proud by having a happy life - that’s all your mum would want for you too.”

Liv gave him a watery smile. “Thank you,” she said quietly. “Aaron tries, but…”

“I know, he doesn’t understand how it feels to lose your mum.” Robert finished for her. Aaron had known grief in his life, god knows he’d known his fare share, but losing your mum was different.

It hurt in a different way.

“So it’s going to get easier?” Liv asked, hopeful.

Robert nodded. “You won’t realise it’s gotten easier until it does,” he tried to explain, tried to put into words how it had felt to realise the constant thrum of loss in his heart had faded to a dull ache, overshadowed by the love he was surrounded with in his life. “It’ll get easier because you’ve got so many people in your life who love you, yeah? You’ve got Aaron, and me, and Chas, and Vic and Adam. I know we’re not your mum, and none of us are trying to replace her - but we’re your family.”

“I know.” Liv set her mostly drank mug of tea down, her long hair done up in intricate braids, all Victoria’s doing. Robert loved his own sister half to death all the time, but the way she’d stepped up to be a big sister to Liv over the past year, well - he knew just how proud their parents would be.

Victoria had been an orphan most of her life, had parents for even less time than Robert had, and regardless of how great Diane was, she knew what Liv was going through, knew how it felt. She’d been fifteen when Jack had died, the same age Liv had been when Sandra hadn’t made it through her accident.

Complications from her head injuries, painless in the end, an aneurysm killing her while she’d slept in a hospital in Mauritius.

“Come here,” Robert said, holding out his arms, Liv giving him a half hearted eye roll before she cuddled close to him, her arms wrapped tightly around her waist. Robert couldn’t help but rock her back and forth, as if she was a child, not sixteen and more grown up than she ever should have had to be. “I love you, okay? And if you need to talk, I’m always here, and Aaron is - and Vic. You’ve got so many people here that love the bones of ya.”

Liv nodded, her tears soaking into the thin material of Robert’s t-shirt, finally letting go of the upset she’d been carrying around with her all day. She’d gone to Sandra’s grave alone that morning, her mum having been buried in Emmerdale, Liv wanting her close.

Robert had convinced Aaron to give her a bit of space, his husband reluctant to agree, but sometimes, on days like today, all you needed was time to clear your head before you needed your family, needed your brother.

 _Brothers_.

Robert understood it more than most, understood how it felt to lose your mum before you’d gotten to love her for long enough, fifteen and feeling alone in the world.

“I’m here,” he mumbled softly, glancing over his shoulder to see Aaron standing in the doorway. “So is Aaron,” he added, his husband taking that as his cue to enter the room, a sad expression on his face.

“Come to join our cuddle?” Liv managed to joke, her cheeks blotchy with tears.

Aaron smiled, clambering onto Liv’s tiny single bed with them, pressing a chin to Liv’s shoulder as he hugged her and Robert close, wrapping them both up in those strong arms of his, arms that were home for Robert, _and_ Liv.

Their little family of three.

 

 

 


	42. cuddle me close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> robert is rudely awoken by his husband's stubble, and cuddling ensues.

 

 

 

Robert woke to the familiar feeling of Aaron pressed close to him, one of his husband’s legs shoved between his own, and arm slung over Robert’s middle as they slept. They didn’t often fall asleep tangled up in each other, it was too hot and impractical to cuddle every single night, but Robert loved that they gravitated to each other in the night.

That even subconsciously, they wanted to be close to each other.

Aaron shifted in his sleep, pressing his chin into the groove of Robert’s neck, Robert instantly uncomfortable. He hated when Aaron did that, his husband’s chin all scruffy and pointy, digging into his shoulder in the worst kind of way.

“Move,” Robert elbowed Aaron, earning himself a sleepy grumble from his other half.

“S’early.”

“And you’re giving my neck beard burn again, move it.” Robert rolled his eyes, trying to wiggle from Aaron’s grasp, Aaron’s grip on Robert’s t-shirt only getting tighter the more Robert tried to move. “Aaron, come on.”

“I’m comfortable!” Aaron protested, more awake now, scratching his beard against the sensitive skin of Robert’s neck, purposely trying to annoy him now.

“Don’t be a dick, Aaron.”

“You love me,” Aaron smirked, but shifted so his face was pressed to Robert’s back, his hand bunching up the hem of Robert’s t-shirt, so he could press the palm of his hand to the warm skin of Robert’s stomach.

It took Robert a second or two to get settled against, linking his fingers with Aaron’s, the familiar sensation of their ring’s clinking together making his heart race. It was one of the reasons he loved when Aaron wanted to be the one to cuddle him, their left hands always finding each other, wedding rings always glinting together as they lay close, blocking out the rest of the world.

Robert never knew how much he liked being cuddled until Aaron, if he was honest. Something about Aaron, having Aaron’s arms around him made him feel safe, and loved, in ways he’d never known before.

It was nice.

It was always nice to have Aaron hold him, feel the length of Aaron’s body pressed to his back, feel Aaron’s breath ghost across the back of his neck. Robert could stay here forever, he really could.

In an hour or so, their alarm would go off, and the usual morning routine would start. Robert would be the first to get up, and shower, Aaron half asleep on Robert’s side of the bed when he’d finish, Robert kissing his husband awake, damp hair against Aaron’s skin, making him laugh, eventually coercing him out of bed with the promise of breakfast.

Aaron didn’t mind mornings, most of the time, but Robert figured he just liked being woken up the way Robert always did on those early mornings, and he was always happy to indulge his husband.

“I love you,” Robert breathed softly, letting his eyes flutter shut, surrounded by the warmth of their thick duvet, the warmth Aaron always radiated, his body temperature always running high.

It was like having his own personal radiator in bed, at times.

Aaron pressed a kiss to Robert’s clothed shoulder, his response soft, more of a sleepy mumble than it was anything else. “Love you more.”

 

 

 

 

 


	43. you're safe now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> three times aaron falls asleep on robert after his release from prison.

_You’re good. You’re so good._

Robert’s own words rang in his head as Aaron nestled against his chest, his breathing slow, and even. They were sitting in the Mill, pressed together knee to chest on the floor, Robert having shown Aaron all the intricately drawn plans for the house after Aaron had admitted all, telling Robert what had happened inside.

Robert’s heart was aching. He couldn’t quite wrap his head around the trauma Aaron had suffered in prison.

When was the universe going to have enough of putting Aaron through the wringer, eh? When was enough going to be enough? Because Robert had only known Aaron for what, two and a bit years now, and Robert couldn’t comprehend just how much Aaron  had had to endure in twenty five al too short years.

It was cold. The Mill didn’t have heating, or plumbing yet, so it was freezing, and the floor was mostly concrete, icy under Robert’s touch, icy underneath his legs, Aaron half on top of him as he slept, looking peaceful for the first time since he’d gotten out of Robert’s car outside the Woolpack.

Robert could feel his ass going numb from the cold, his hands freezing and stiff, Robert already dreaming of the hot shower he’d have to warm himself up.

Still, Aaron was actually sleeping, and Robert would suffer the cold a little longer, just so he could see Aaron actually **rest** for once.

A half an hour.

Then Robert would wake him up, and he’d get Aaron home, and get some dinner into him, and he’d be okay. Or on the road to okay, at least.

That would have to be enough.

 

 

 

 

**ii.**

The next time it happened, they were lying in bed. It was early, the pub still busy below them, Aaron watching a few episodes of Top Gear he’d missed on his phone, Robert finally cracking into a new book he’d bought before their wedding.

He’d not really been in the mood to read much, with Aaron inside, but he’d spent a few lonely afternoons in the bookshop in Hotten, wishing he just just bury himself in a book and forget everything bad in his life was happening.

With Aaron back, he finally felt in the headspace to read again, Robert happily settled against a mound of pillows, book in hand. It was nice, to just unwind, and relax, spend a quiet evening in bed with his _husband_.

About ten chapters in, Robert decided he wanted a cup of tea. He knew there was a packet of Aaron’s favourite biscuits in the cupboard downstairs, and Aaron wouldn’t protest much, would he?

Robert was usually the one to complain about Aaron eating in bed.

“Hey, do you want a cup of tea?” Robert asked, looking to his left, his heart aching as he noticed Aaron sound asleep, pressed against his side, phone tight in his grip. He had a lot of sleep to catch up on, didn’t he?

Robert couldn’t even imagine what he’d been through in prison, what kind of hell Aaron had to experience, how little sleep he’d gotten.

He’d let him rest.

Easing Aaron’s phone out of his hand, Robert set it down on his nightstand, gently shifting his husband so Aaron was tucked under Robert’s arm, his face pressed into the material of Robert’s pyjama shirt.

“You’re safe,” Robert murmured, picking his book back up again, one hand resting protectively on Aaron’s chest, as though he could keep Aaron safe from everything, anything in the world if he just had his arms around him. “You’re safe now, yeah?”

 

 

 

 

**iii.**

The next time it happened, they were sitting on the sofa in the backroom. There was some daft television programme playing in the background, the remains of a takeaway scattered across the coffee table.

Aaron had been home a few days, getting used to being back in Emmerdale, back in the real world. He’d even done a few hours up at the scrapyard, trying to get back into his old routine.

Robert didn’t say anything as Aaron moved, kicking his legs up on the sofa, and settling his head in Robert’s lap. It was unusual for Aaron to be this openly affectionate, especially in the backroom, but he clearly needed it.

“You okay?” Robert asked softly, running his fingers through Aaron’s fringe, feeling his husband melt into his touch.

Aaron nodded slightly, gripping the material of Robert’s trousers tightly. “You help me sleep,” he admitted, squeezing his eyes shut, as though he was embarrassed to admit just how much he needed to be close to Robert. “‘M still tired.”

Robert couldn’t help the warm feeling that blossomed in his chest as he let the gravity of Aaron’s words sink in, leaning down to press a soft kiss to the corner of Aaron’s mouth.

“Sorry I’m being boring.” Aaron said tiredly, already sounding half asleep, exhausting practically oozing from every inch of his husband. 

“Sleep,” Robert reassured him, brushing a thumb across Aaron’s cheekbone, enjoying the tiny smile that flashed across Aaron’s face for a split second. “We’ve got all the time in the world now, remember?”

 

 

 


	44. failures and all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> robert loses a major contract for home james, and aaron reassures his husband how much he loves him.

 

 

 

 

Aaron looked up from his mobile as he heard the front door open, surprised that Robert was home early. He’d left the scrapyard at lunchtime for a meeting in Leeds, fully convinced he’d have new clients for Home James eating from his hand in a matter of hours, Aaron expecting him to do the usual routine of wining and dining.

He didn’t mind it so much, not anymore. Robert loved it, loved playing the part of the schmoozing businessman, and Aaron didn’t so much mind the quiet evening in to himself. He’d planned to order a takeaway, and settle in for a marathon of trashy telly and a few beers, if he was honest, and forget the long week it had been.

But here was Robert, home before half five.

“Hiya,” Aaron called, draining the last of his cup of tea before he stood up. “Why are you back so early?”

Robert looked at him tiredly, his eyes red and his cheeks splotchy, clear signs he’d been crying. He looked exhausted, as though he was going to collapse and burst into tears all at once.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Aaron was instantly concerned, crossing the short distance between them, putting his hands on Robert’s arms, the material of his suit jacket familiar under Aaron’s fingertips. He rubbed his hands gently up and down Robert’s arms, hoping the gesture would relax him, calm him down, even just a little.

“I lost the deal,” Robert admitted, tears welling in his eyes. “I lost the deal, Aaron. I completely fucked it up, and we lost the contract.”

“I’m sorry,” Aaron tried to give him his best reassuring smile. It had been a major new contract for the company, and he’d heard Robert practise his presentation a hundred times over that week alone. Aaron could have nearly given it himself, the amount of practise Robert had done for this meeting. “But there’ll be other contracts, eh?”

Robert shook his head, looking more annoyed with himself now then he was sat, ripping his arms from Aaron’s grip, frustratedly pacing the hallway, wringing his hands. “It was a huge contract, Aaron. It was supposed to bring in so much business, so we could expand.”

“Robert, it’s not the end of the world.” Aaron wasn’t really sure what to say, not used to seeing Robert in such a state. He’d usually take a bad meeting or a contract loss on the chin, already moving on to bigger, and better ideas, pursuing new clients before the old ones had even turned their backs.

“Why am I such a failure?” Robert blurted, hunched in on himself down, as though he was trying to make himself look so much smaller than the six feet he was. Aaron knew the look on his husband’s face all too well, the angry, regretful expression out of place on the smug face he’d come to know so well over the years.

Aaron could nearly bet on what was running through Robert’s head, there and then. He struggled, more than he’d ever admit, with the things he’d done, the cruel things that had a habit of slipping out of his mouth before Robert could even think about the consequences of them.

He was thinking about her, about how after everything, after all his promises, he’d still managed to betray Aaron. 

“You’re not a failure,” Aaron said firmly, hating the word being used anywhere near Robert, his Robert, his brilliant, intelligent, gorgeous, absolute pain in the arse husband.

“I am.” Robert shook his head, slumping down onto the couch, head in his hands. “I let you down, and now I’m letting the company down. I can’t - I can’t do anything right!”

“Self pity doesn’t look good on you,” Aaron commented, sitting down on the edge of the coffee table. It was a half hearted attempt at a joke, but it was true - self pity didn’t suit Robert, didn’t look good on him.

“I’m serious.” Robert glared at him, barely even lifting his head to look at Aaron when he spoke.

“So am I,” Aaron kicked at Robert’s ankle with his socked foot, his mind working a mile a minute as he tried to find the words to comfort Robert. He wasn’t good at this sort of thing, talking about how much, or exactly why he loved Robert.

Robert was the one who did the soppy speeches and the grand gestures. Aaron was content to just snog the face off Robert, and hope he understood everything Aaron felt, and didn’t have the words for. 

But, he knew how good it felt to hear it, to really hear what he meant to Robert, so he’d tried.

“You want to know what I see when I look at you?” Aaron asked, his voice soft. His Robert voice, Victoria liked to tease whenever she heard it, that quiet, kind voice that was for his husband and his husband alone.

“A miserable bastard.”

“Well, you do look a bit miserable now,” Aaron agreed, barely holding in an eye roll as Robert didn’t respond. “I see the love of my life, Robert. I see the man who’s helped me through hell and back, the man who puts up with my bullshit and loves me all the same.”

Robert didn’t say anything, shifting uncomfortably on the sofa. 

“So you made a mistake, you lost a contract. There’s going to be more contracts, and I’m sure you’re going to keep making mistakes - but so will I, and you’re not going to think I’m a failure because I fuck one thing up, are you?” 

Robert shook his head slowly, reluctantly, as though he was reluctant to believe Aaron could love him despite his mistakes, love him despite the messes he’d so often end up in.

“I told you once, that I love you so much I don’t know what to do with sometimes,” Aaron continued, the words coming a bit more easily sometimes. “That’s true. That’s always going to be true, because loving you, it’s overwhelming to me, Robert.”

“That a good or a bad thing?” Robert mumbled, his face pressed to the palms of his hands as he spoke, his voice muffled.

Aaron reached out and gently tugged on Robert’s wrists, pulling his hands away from his face so Robert was forced to look at him properly, Aaron holding tightly to his hands, feeling the press of Robert’s wedding ring against his own hand. “It’s a good thing,” he said, giving Robert’s hands a reassuring squeeze. “It’s a good thing, I promise. You want to know why?”

Robert stayed quiet.

“It’s a good thing because I never thought I’d have this, the house, the husband - the dogs,” Aaron grinned, thinking of the two oversized puppies that were sleeping in the utility room, last he checked. “And I get to have it every single day with you. You make me so loved, more than I ever thought I deserved to be. That means everything, Robert - to know that no matter what, you’re going to love me forever.”

Robert nodded slowly, a few stray tears rolling down his cheeks. “You know I will.”

“So have a little faith that I’ll love you forever too, yeah?” Aaron said, pressing a soft kiss to Robert’s cheek, grinning slightly as he spoke. “Failures and lost contracts n’all."

 

 

 

 

 


	45. it's okay to cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after adam cheats on victoria, she and aaron talk about forgiveness.
> 
> not canon compliant.

 

 

 

 

“You know,” Aaron began, easing himself down on the kitchen floor next to Victoria, his heart aching as he took in his friend’s dishevelled appearance, her dark hair falling free of it’s usual neat plaits. “It’s okay to cry.”

Victoria looked at him, confusion clear on her face. “What?” she asked, her voice small, tired. She looked exhausted, as though she hadn’t slept in weeks. If Aaron was being honest with himself, she probably hadn’t.

“It’s okay to cry, and scream, and shout, and do whatever else you need to do,” Aaron began to explain, stretching his legs out in front of him. There was a floury mess all over the floor, the half hearted remains of whatever Victoria had been trying to cook before she’d chucked it everywhere. “Your marriage is over, Vic. That’s not supposed to be easy.”

“Shouldn’t you be with Adam?” Victoria muttered, resentment clear in her voice as she mentioned her husbands (or soon to be ex-husbands) name. Aaron hated seeing her like this, hated seeing the absolute spitfire he’d first met when he moved to Emmerdale reduced to this brokenhearted girl, lost and alone.

“You need a friend right now, don’t you?” Aaron said simply, bumping his elbow against Victoria’s side. “You’re my sister, Vic. I know Adam’s my best mate n’all, but you’re my sister, and I’m always going to be here for you to talk to.”

Victoria’s face brightened slightly. “Am I really your sister?” she asked, the childish question sounding funny as it passed her lips, Victoria all of a sudden seeming more like Liv had when she had been four or five, instead of the twenty three year old she actually was. 

“Course you are,” Aaron said, as if it were obvious. “Married to your brother, aren’t? That makes us family, and family looks out for each other.”

Victoria gave him a grateful smile. “Thank you.”

“I know Robert can be a pain, when it comes to Adam right now, but it’s only because he hates seeing you being hurt,” Aaron said, knowing Robert’s reactions to the end of his baby sisters marriage hadn’t been the most sensible. He’d attempted to throw Adam out of the portacabin more than once, Aaron having to step in and stop him from making an absolute show of himself. “But if you ever just want to talk, I’m here.”

“I don’t know how to talk about it,” Victoria admitted, wringing her blue chef’s hand between her hands. “One week, I was trying for a baby with my husband, and now I’m trying to wrap my head around the fact I’m not going to be spending the rest of my life with Adam. How did - how did you and Robert get past it all? The affair, Rebecca. That all just seems like so much to get over, but you two did it, and my marriage ends because we can’t decide on an adoption agency.”

Aaron looked down at his hands, looked at the wedding ring that had sat on his finger for well over a year now. It hadn’t been easy, him and Robert, and they’d taken some time away from each other before they’d decided to fix their marriage. “That’s different, Vic,” he didn’t want to say anything that might hurt her more.

“Just, humour me.” Victoria pleaded.

“After he told me about what happened with Rebecca, when we were having some space….” Aaron trailed off, hating the tears that were now freely rolling down Victoria’s cheeks. “I guess we both realised we’d rather be messed up together than do it alone.”

“So you can’t not be with him?”

Aaron swallowed thickly, nodding slowly. “Yeah, I guess.”

“I used to feel that way about Adam, you know. I wish I could feel that way about him again, but everything that’s happened the past few months, all the thing’s we’ve said to each other - I don’t think theres any coming back from it, Aaron,” Victoria choked out, wiping at her tear stained cheeks with her hat. “Why couldn’t we get our happy ending like you and Robert?”

Aaron’s heart was aching as he looked at Victoria, a sudden urge to just cuddle her close overwhelming him. “Come here,” he sighed, pulling her in for a tight hug. “You’ll get your happy ending. It might be with Adam, or it might be with someone else - but you’re something else, Vic, and you deserve to be so happy.”

Victoria nodded, clinging tightly to the material of his hoodie. “I just want to sit here and cry,” she admitted tearfully.

Aaron hugged her that little bit tighter before he replied. “I did a lot of crying, when I found out about Robert and Rebecca.”

“And screaming and shouting?” Victoria tried her best to tease, her sadness still clear as she spoke.

Aaron laughed, nodding. “Yeah. I told you, it’s okay to cry, and scream, and shout - and throw cake all over the floor. Whatever helps you feel better about all this, okay? I’m here, I’m here for ya Vic.”

 

 

 


	46. i'll be right over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> victoria has a bad day, and she and robert talk about their mum.

 

 

 

 

Robert was sprawled out on the sofa when his phone rang, his face pressed to Aaron’s chest, the television blaring in the background. Groaning, Robert reached across to the coffee table, Victoria’s contact picture flashing on his screen.

“It’s Vic.”

“Answer it,” Aaron nudged, muting the television.

Robert unlocked his phone, shifting slightly so he was propping himself up on Aaron’s chest, half smiling at the fingers Aaron was running through his hair as he held his phone to his ear. “Hiya, what’s up?” 

_“Robert?”_ Victoria sounded tearful, her voice cracking as she mumbled out his name.

“What’s happened?” Robert was imeadiately alert, scrambling to untangle himself from Aaron.

_“I had a few - hic - drinks, and I just, I’m so sad, Rob.”_ Victoria sounded so helpless, so sad that it had Robert’s heart racing, wondering where the hell she was, what kind of state she was in.

“Are you in the pub?”

_“No, ‘m at home.”_

“I’ll be right over, okay?” Robert said, already searching the living room for his trainers. He was dressed in his comfy clothes, he and Aaron planning on a lazy night in. 

_“’kay.”_

“Is she alright?” Aaron asked, sitting up on the couch. He looked worried, and for a second Robert felt his heart swell with love for his husband, and the love he had for Robert’s little sister. 

“She’s really upset about something, I don’t know what,” Robert knew he sounded panicked, grabbing a discarded hoodie of Aaron’s to throw on over his tracksuit bottoms. “I’d better go over there.”

“Do you want me to come?” 

Robert shook his head, grabbing the spare key he had for Victoria’s place before he planted a kiss to Aaron’s lips. “I’m sorry, I know it’s meant to be our night in,” he apologised, hating that their lazy evening in was being cut short. 

Aaron shook his head, giving him a soft smile. “Go look after your sister, Rob. Text me if you need me, yeah?”

Robert nodded, heading for the front door. He walked the short distance between their flat and Victoria’s cottage, letting himself into the house. “Vic?” he called out. “Vic, where are you?”

“In here!” Victoria called, shouting from the living room. 

Robert’s heart broke as he took in his little sister’s position on the living room floor, a picture frame clutched in one hand, a half drunk bottle of wine in the other, her cheeks tear stained and flushed bright red, whether it was from the alcohol or the crying, he wasn’t sure.

“Come here,” Robert eased the bottle of wine from her grip, his stomach clenching uncomfortably as he notice who was in the picture. It was of the four of them, a photo taken long before Andy, even - Victoria a tiny baby bundled up in Sarah’s arms, Robert tucked under a proud Jack’s arm. 

“I miss them.” Victoria admitted tearfully, letting Robert hoist her up off the floor, settling her down on the couch. “Do you miss mum and dad?” 

Robert nodded, brushing a hand through Victoria’s tangled hair. “Yeah, I do. Everyday,” he admitted, knowing Victoria was feeling the all too familiar ache of grief in her chest, that tight, twisted feeling that made you feel as though it was taking an effort to breathe properly.

Victoria nodded tiredly. “I didn’t mean to get all drunk ‘n sad,” she mumbled, hugging her knees to her chest, looking every inch the six year old kid Robert remembered her being, confused as to where their mum was, why she wasn’t coming home.

Robert sometimes forgot, what Victoria had been through. She’d lost everyone by time she was fifteen, and Robert hadn’t even been around when Jack had died, hadn’t been there to help her get through it.

“I’ll make you a cup of tea, eh?” Robert said, unfolding the blanket Victoria kept folded on her couch. He vaguely recognised it as a blanket they used to have up at the farm, a blanket he remembered used to be thrown over the armchair in their living room, the chair their mum would always curl up in with a book in the evening time.

He tucked the blanket in around Victoria, his sister snuggling into the couch. He padded into the kitchen, flicking the kettle on, setting about making them two cups of tea.

Extra sugar in Vic’s, just in case.

“Here you go,” Robert handed her the cup of tea, kicking off his trainers so he could get under the blanket with Victoria, the raggedy old blanket a familiar reminder of the home they’d grown up in.

It hadn’t always been a happy home, but it had been **their** home. 

Victoria nestled in close to his side, starting to sober up a bit as she sipped at her tea. “Will you tell me about mum?” she asked, her voice muffled by the material of Aaron’s hoodie.

Robert wrapped an arm around her, pressing his chin to the top of her head. “Did I ever tell you about the time she caught me stealing the Christmas biscuits from the tin? It was only November, she went absolutely _mad_!”

 

 

 

 


	47. are you drunk?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bernice finds a drunken, heartbroken robert in the playground.
> 
> set post reveal.

 

 

 

Bernice recognised the shoes that were sticking out of the pirate ship, remembering the shopping trip she’d taken with Robert where he’d spent a small fortune on the ridiculous shoes, grinning delightedly as he laced them up in the shop.

“Robert?” she called out, wobbling on her heels slightly as she ascended the steps to the ship, crouching down at the entrance. Robert looked ridiculous in the surroundings of the ship, his lanky frame hunched over, a forlorn look on his face. “Robert, what on earth are you doing in here?”

Robert looked at her, whiskey bottle in hand as he shrugged, his gaze unfocused. “’M hiding,” he mumbled, attempting to take a swig of the whiskey, missing his mouth entirely, and sloshing it down his shirt. 

“Are you drunk?” Bernice asked, incredulous. “Robert, it’s two o’clock in the bloody afternoon!”

“I’ve messed up, Bernice,” Robert said sadly, glancing down at the wedding ring on his left hand. “God, I’ve messed up.”

Bernice knew she wasn’t going to be getting Robert out of the ship any time soon, so she set her handbag down, praying there was no one watching as she crawled into the pirate ship, sitting herself down next to her step-brother. “What have you done this time, eh?” she asked, swiping at the bottle.

Robert hugged it close to his chest, glaring at her. “I slept with Rebecca,” he admitted, his face flushing bright red with shame as he said it aloud.

Bernice’s heart dropped as she took in the weight of Robert’s words, realising just why he was getting off his face in the middle of the afternoon. “Oh, Robert. Have you had another affair?”

“No!” Robert protested imeadiately, looking offended at the mere notion. “No, I - it was when Aaron was in prison, I got drunk, and I thought our marriage was over, and I just, I messed up, Bernice, you know? I messed up so badly.”

“How could you ever think you and Aaron were over, you silly idiot?” Bernice rolled her eyes, wrestling the whiskey bottle from his grip. “I’ve never seen you love anyone the way you love him - and Aaron’s forgiven you a lot, you know? He’d never end it, not really.”

“I’ve never loved anyone like I love him.” Robert admitted, hugging his legs to his chest, pressing his face to his knees. “I know all that.”

“Then why did you do it?”

“Because when everything is going to shit, I decide to hit self destruct and make it worse?” Robert mumbled, shaking his head. “I hate myself for doing it.”

“Did she tell him?” Bernice inquired, wondering why she hadn’t heard about a showdown. That sort of thing was always around the village a few minutes after it happened, usually with Brenda stirring the gossip fires as much as she could.

“I told him.” 

Bernice raised an eyebrow. “You told him?”

“You sound surprised.”

“Well, I do know you, Robert Sugden, and you’re not the most honest person in the world, are you?” Bernice said, matter of factly. She’d known Robert a long time now, and well, it was hardly an exaggeration to say he was a bit of a serial liar. 

“I’m _trying_ to be better.”

“That’s all anyone can ask for, isn’t it?” Bernice nudged, trying to give Robert a bit of encouragement. “Rome wasn’t built in a day, Robert, I think everyone was waiting for you to do something silly.”

“I hate that everyone thinks the worst of me.” Robert said sadly, tears welling in his eyes. Bernice had never seen him so upset, so genuinely devastated by anything in all the years she’d know him.

And he’d brought it on himself, actually telling Aaron, not letting someone else do it. That’s what surprised her the most, really.

“You’ve not always been the pillar of goodness you are now, Robert.”

“Are you being sarcastic?” Robert raised an eyebrow, face still pressed to his knees. He looked so much younger than the 31 one he was, hunched over like he was. 

Bernice smiled. “No,” she shook her head. “You’re a good man, Robert, underneath it all. You just make more than your fair share of mistakes, but you’re still a good man - most of the time, at least.”

Robert smiled, a tiny laugh escaping his lips. “Doesn’t change the fact Aaron hates me.”

“What actually happened?” Bernice asked, seeing through Robert’s dramatics easily. She couldn’t imagine Aaron ever really, truly hating Robert - not really, Aaron loved him too much.

Even Bernice could see that. 

“He told me he needed some time to think.”

“So you decided getting drunk and hiding on a playground was the best way to give him space?” Bernice rolled her eyes, tugging on Robert’s sleeve. “Come on!”

“’M fine here.”

“No, you’re not, Robert.” Bernice struggled out of the pirate ship, yanking a reluctant Robert along with her. “You’re coming home with me, and I’m going to make you a sandwich, and you’re going to sober home, go home to your husband, and save your marriage.”

“That easy?” Robert asked hopefully.

“Of course it won’t be that easy!” Bernice rolled her eyes. “But if you love him as much as you say you do, it’s worth the try.” 

Robert nodded, slowly, unsteadily getting to his feet. “Can we stop at David’s for food? I don’t trust your cooking.”

Bernice was instantly offended, hands on hips. “Excuse me, I can make you a ham and cheese toastie, thank you very much! Now shut your drunken gob, and come with me.”

 

 

 


	48. come home with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaron and robert talk about robert (not) being a disappointment.
> 
> set post reveal.

 

 

 

It’s dark, when Aaron eventually finds him, Robert hunched in on himself, knees hugged close to his chest as he sits in front of his father’s grave. Usually, if he’s here, he’s sitting with Sarah, drawing as much comfort from his mother’s gravestone as he can, so it’s telling that it’s Jack he’s with that evening.

Jack, the man who’d always been so disappointed in his son. Aaron wasn’t sure he’d ever understand the affect Jack had on Robert, the way the long dead Sugden seemed to influence every aspect of his husband’s life. 

He’d never understand how Robert loved him, and didn’t love him, all in the same breath. 

“Robert?” he called out, not wanting to startle his already upset husband. Robert had been in a right state, according to Tracey, the only person who’d seen Robert storming through the village.

Robert looked up, tears shining on his face in the dim twilight of the evening. He looked _devastated_ , sadness and regret painted across his face as he sat on the damp grass.

“He’d agree with all of you,” Robert said after a moment’s silence, gesturing wildly at the gravestone. Aaron couldn’t tell if he’d had a few drinks, or if he was just upset, losing his grip on his normally composed self in his grief, his sadness. “Agree that I was a disappointment, that I ruined everything I touched.”

“Robert, you haven’t ruined everything,” Aaron sighed, easing himself down onto the grass beside his husband. It was an all too familiar way to sit, reminding him of nights he’d spend at Jackson’s graveside, drinking and crying and mourning the loss of the first person who’d ever really loved him. 

“I have.” Robert shook his head, definitive in his angry tirade against himself. “I’ve ruined our marriage, I’ve ruined things with Liv, and I’ve hurt so many people.”

“That doesn’t make you a disappointment, Robert, it makes you human,” Aaron said, hating the way self pity and disgust latched onto Robert’s every word, every heave of his chest, every breath. That kind of self hatred, it didn’t suit Robert, didn’t look good on him. 

Robert shook his head again, tears welling in his eyes, tears he no longer seemed to care if he was crying. Robert didn’t cry, not normally, not ever, really. “How can you sit here and pretend like I haven’t disappointed you?”

“I’m hurt.” Aaron admitted, the lingering ghost of the hurt he’d felt when Robert had admitted what he’d done still there, still clouding his judgement. It was hard to look at Robert, still, even weeks later, it was hard to look at him and not feel hurt. “I’m disappointed that you did what you did, and that you did it with **her**. That doesn’t mean I think you’re a disappointment, Robert.”

Robert looked at him, a genuinely confused look on his face. “Why do you keep giving me so many chances? I don’t deserve it, I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, not this time.”

“I haven’t forgiven you.” Aaron admitted, looking down at the wedding ring on his finger, the band that had caused him so much joy, so much pain in just a few short months. “But I’ll find a way.” 

“Why would you even want to?”

Aaron swallowed, trying to find the right words. “Because I love you, Robert, and when I married you, it was for the rest of my life. I hate what you did, and god - sometimes, I even hate you for doing it. But I’ll never not love you, never not want to be with you.”

“I don’t get it.” 

Aaron couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his mouth. “Sometimes I don’t get it either,” he admitted, thinking of the sheer scale of the love he felt for Robert, the way it seemed to consume him entirely sometimes, the way he just _knew_ , in his heart of hearts, that he’d rather work through the hard stuff with Robert, than be on his own. “But it’s true. I love you, and no matter how hurt I am now, I can’t just _forget_ all the amazing things you’ve done for me.”

Robert looked disbelieving, his knees just hugged closely to his chest as he spoke. “And somehow that cancels how what a disappointment I am?”

“You’re **not** a disappointment,” Aaron repeated, firmer in his words this time. “You do cruel things when you’re hurt, you hurt other people. I can be disappointed you did what you did without thinking you’re a massive disappointment. I’m not your dad, Robert - I do believe in you, I know what a good man you really are.” 

“I’m sorry,” Robert’s voice was small, a perfect match to the way he’d hunched himself over, as though he was doing his best to disappear entirely, as if he made himself small enough that the world would go on around him, and forget he was there. 

“I know.” Aaron bumped his shoulder against Robert’s. “Just because I can’t forgive you right now, doesn’t mean I never will. Okay?”

“Okay.” Robert echoed, his voice barely a whisper.

“Come home with me, Robert.”

“You want me at the flat?” Robert seemed surprised, shocked, even, at Aaron’s plea.

“It’s your home too.” Aaron said, hoping Robert would just understand that Aaron needed him in the flat, needed him close enough (but not too close, not yet. “You’re sleeping on the couch though.”

Robert laughed, the sound a brief escape from the hurt, and the disappointment that lingered between them. “That’s fair.” 

 

 

 


	49. distractions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaron distracts robert from cooking.
> 
> set in the future when they've moved into the mill.

 

 

 

“You know,” Robert commented, glancing at Aaron as he stirred the sauce carefully, half an eye on the hob. “We’ve got a perfectly good kitchen table.”

Aaron grinned, at a slight height advantage as he sat on one of their kitchen counters, wearing a pair of tracksuit bottoms, and an old jumper of Robert’s, the sleeves too long on him. Robert would _never_ admit it aloud, but he found Aaron’s habit of pulling his sleeves down over his hands endearing, and even more so when Aaron did it with Robert’s clothes.

( _As long as it wasn’t one of his nicer jumpers. The one occasion Aaron had stolen on of Robert’s favourite Ted Baker jumpers and yanked the sleeves down after his wrists had nearly given Robert a legitimate heart attack, Aaron oblivious to the reasoning behind Robert’s meltdown._ )

“We’ve got a lovely kitchen,” Aaron agreed, reaching out to steal another piece of the chorizo Robert had on a chopping board, neatly sliced into small pieces. “But I like sitting here.”

Robert rolled his eyes, slapping Aaron’s hand out of the way so he could add the chorizo to the pot he was slaving over. “You’re a child, you know that?” he commented, heart swelling at the bright smile on Aaron’s face as they teased each other.

It had taken them a long time to get to where they were now, happy, and solid, building a real life together. It had taken months, and months, and hours of counselling, and hard conversations, and more than one screaming match, but they’d gotten there.

Of course they’d gotten there.

Their love, the way they felt about each other, it wasn’t something that could just be pushed aside or forgotten, it wasn’t something to just be moved on from. If it had ever been that simple, their affair would never have gotten out of hand the way it had, they wouldn’t have fallen so desperately in love with each other they way they had.

Their love was worth it.

“You love it.” Aaron laughed, reaching for his half drunk cup of tea. It was a quiet Saturday evening, Liv over at Gabby’s, the two of them with the flat to themselves for once. “Anyway, it’s your fault for picking out cabinets that are perfect sitting height.”

Robert snorted, his focus on the sauce he was making, stirring it methodologically. He was making a recipe he’d found online, a meatballs and pasta combination that had made his mouth water as he’d looked at the photos, scribbling the ingredients he needed on a post-it-note.

Had to put that pasta maker Victoria had bought them as a moving in present to good use, he’d decided that morning, Aaron laughing as Robert undertook the mammoth task of making pasta dough from scratch.

It had been therapeutic, actually. Aaron’s counsellor had mentioned the benefits of having a hobby to Robert, once, in a quiet few moments they’d sat together when Aaron was late for a session once.

It had been the day Robert had decided he’d get back into cooking again, spend a little more time doing the sorts of things that would leave his mind blissfully blank - and with the amount of takeaways they had become accustomed to eating, it hadn’t been a bad move in terms of making them a marginally healthy household.

Turning the heat of the sauce down, Robert moved so that he was standing between Aaron’s legs, pressing himself close to the warmth of Aaron’s body. His husband reacted as if on instinct, Aaron shuffling on the kitchen counter so he was closer, hooking his legs around Robert’s waist, ankles crossed at his lower back.

Robert held tightly to Aaron’s hips, thumbs digging into the soft material of the jumper Aaron was wearing, giving Aaron a bright, loving smile. “I love you,” he murmured, enjoying the way Aaron’s face relaxed at the words, his expression one of wonder as Robert confessed his love, even after all this time.

“I love you,” Aaron replied, running a hand through Robert’s already messy hair, his hand a comforting weight at the back of Robert’s head as he leaned in to press a kiss to Robert’s lips, the salty tang of the chorizo he’d been sneaking while Robert cooked reminding Robert he needed to do a quick check of the pasta.

He tried to move away, Aaron refusing to let him go, legs tightening around Robert’s back. “Aaron, the dinner is going to burn,” Robert warned, knowing that if he left it too much longer, he’d be dealing with a disgusting, burnt mess in the place of the flavourful sauce he’d spent close to forty minutes preparing.

“You’ve been ignoring me in favour of making tea all evening,” Aaron shook his head, fingers trailing patterns down Robert’s neck, across his jawline, hitting all the spots that made him weak at the knees. “I want your undivided attention, Mr Dingle.”

“I’m making your tea!” Robert defended, pushing at Aaron’s thighs in an attempt to untangle himself from his husband. He hadn’t spend the day cooking to let it burn now, thank you very much.

Aaron kept grinning, pulling Robert in by the back of the head so he could kiss him again, Robert helplessly melting into the embrace as Aaron tugged at his hair, Robert’s mouth falling open against Aaron’s as his let out a helpless moan, loving and hating that Aaron knew all his weak spots all at the same time.

Familiar fingers worked through the hair at the back of Robert’s neck, Aaron’s other hand coming up to cup Robert’s jaw, tongue sliding against Robert’s own as they kissed, Robert all of a sudden completely incoherent in Aaron’s arms.

Something about kissing Aaron turned him into a lovesick teenager, falling apart with just a kiss, layers of clothes still separating them, despite how ready to completely combust Robert felt.

“I’m more fun than cooking,” Aaron murmured against Robert’s mouth, catching Robert’s bottom lip between his own, teeth grazing against the skin. Robert clung to Aaron’s waist as his husband pressed soft, open mouthed kisses against his cheek, down his neck, ending his ministrations with a grin and a kiss planted against the tip of Robert’s nose.

“You’re an idiot,” Robert snorted, despite the rush of affection he felt at the silly gesture.

Aaron sniffed, pulling a face. “You’re the one who’s let the dinner burn.”

“Aaron!” Robert exclaimed, untangling himself from his husband. Sure enough, the sauce he’d lovingly made was burnt, lumpy and sticking to the bottom of one of their new (very expensive) stainless steel pots. “This is your fault, you know.”

“We’ve got pasta sauce in jars in the cupboard,” Aaron shrugged, not looking in the least bit bothered that Robert’s hard work had gone to waste.

“You want me to use a jar of pasta sauce? When I’ve spent all day making all of this from scratch?” Robert gestured wildly at the messy kitchen counter, incredulous at Aaron’s suggestion that he just chuck a jar of Dolmio sauce over his culinary masterpiece.

Aaron spread his legs invitingly, a familiar lustful grin on his face. “You could just sod the lot, and come back over here and keep kissing me?” he suggested, the look on his face too much for Robert to say no to.

“What about tea?” Robert said, attempting to put up a fight, however pitiful a fight it might be.

Aaron smirked, knowing he’d won Robert over. “If you order us a pizza now, you’ve got at least a half an hour to help me make use of that kitchen table before they get here.”

Robert’s jaw nearly hit the floor, nodding furiously as he stepped back between Aaron’s legs, bunching up the hem of his borrowed jumper. “Give me your phone, and get your pants off right now.”

 

 

 


	50. make me understand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaron wants robert to make him understand why he cheated with rebecca. 
> 
> slightly au, written before the reveal episodes aired.

 

 

“Aaron?” Robert called, searching the dark living room for his husband. He flicked on the lights, noticing that Aaron wasn’t downstairs, wasn’t curled up on the couch, or in the kitchen, but there was a soft light coming from the upper floor that made him walk up the stairs, carefully navigating the spiral steps in the dim light.

“’m here,” Aaron greeted, waving a half drunk bottle of whiskey at Robert. He was sitting on the landing, knees hugged to his chest as he sat opposite to their bedroom door, his gaze on the half open doorway.

“Are you okay?” Robert asked, easing himself down onto the top step of the stairs, not wanting to make Aaron uncomfortable, or sit too close. He’d been worried, when he’d gotten a drunken voicemail from Aaron, wondering why his husband had called him at all.

Last he’d heard from Aaron, it was him screaming at Robert to get out of his house, Aaron angry and devastated as Robert admitted all, told him about what had happened with Rebecca.

In all the years he’d know Aaron, Robert had never seen him go from blissfully happy to absolutely broken in a matter of seconds, and it had been because of him.

Robert hated himself for it. 

“Okay?” Aaron snorted, laughing at the mere concept. “My husband cheated on me  _three weeks_  after our wedding. Do you think I’m okay?”

Robert ducked his head, ashamed. “You called me.”

“I wanted you to come here and make me understand.” Aaron admitted, taking a swig of the alcohol before he spoke again, wincing at the bitter taste. “I wanted you to make me understand. Make it right.”

“I would if I could, you know I would.” Robert said, hating the way Aaron shifted away from him as he tried to reach out for his husband, tried to reassure Aaron the way he always did, with touch, a hand on his knee, or an arm around his shoulders. 

“But you can’t.” Aaron said sadly, shaking his head, fresh tears rolling down his red, and splotchy cheeks. He looked exhausted, as though he hadn’t slept in days, his eyes red rimmed and swollen from crying.

Because of  _him._

Because of  _Robert_.

“I fucked up, Aaron.” Robert said, picking at a loose thread on his tracksuit. He’d been sitting in front of the television with Victoria when Aaron had called, the two of them slobbing out in their comfortable clothes, drinking wine and mourning the apparent end of both of their marriages. 

“Do you love her?” Aaron asked, looking at Robert with tearful eyes. 

Robert’s jaw almost hit the floor. “Love her?” he said, incredulous at the mere suggestion. 

“Do you love her? I need to know, Robert, I need to know if you love her, if you want her more than you want me -” Aaron started to ramble, pressing his palms into his eyes as he started to cry even harder, choking out heartbroken sobs between his every word. “Do you love her more than you love me?” 

Robert scrambled to his knees, not caring now as he moved to sit in front of Aaron, prising the whiskey bottle from his hands. “There’s no one in the world I love more than I love you, Aaron,” he shook his head, desperate to just gather Aaron into his arms, desperate to hold him close, make it better.

“Why did you do it then?” Aaron practically begged. 

Robert’s heart ached as he looked at Aaron, hated how all of this was because of him. “She was easy to manipulate, I guess. I wanted to hit self destruct and I knew she’d let me.” 

Aaron choked out another sob, shaking his head. “It hurts, Robert. It hurts so much - the fact you could do this to me, after everything, after everything we’ve been through. I feel like it’s never going to stop hurting.”

He was drunk, and honest, and saying all the things he was too angry to say to Robert without the aid of half a bottle of whiskey, Robert knew that much. “I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you like this,” he said, knowing it was true, knowing he wouldn’t ever forgive himself for doing what it did, hurting Aaron the way he had.

“I don’t want to feel angry anymore.” Aaron admitted, hugging his knees even tighter to his chest, as though he was trying to fold himself up entirely, escape from all the problems Robert had caused.

Robert didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to fix it, make it better. 

“Did you ever love me?” Aaron asked after a few minutes silence, a desperate look in his eyes.

“I love you so much Aaron, I don’t know what to do with it, most of the time.” Robert said, echoing Aaron’s words from their wedding day, those words that had sent his heart racing in the best way possible. 

“So you slept with her to make yourself feel better?” 

Robert closed his eyes, hating the sick feeling that rose up in his stomach as Aaron spoke. “I don’t expect you to ever forgive me,” he mumbled, not quite able to look at Aaron.

“I want to forgive you.” Aaron said quietly, picking at the skin around his thumb. “I don’t know if I can.”

Robert nodded, spotting the top of the whiskey bottle, screwing it back into place. “Do you want me to get you a glass of water?” he asked, gesturing toward the kitchen downstairs. 

“I want you to go back in time and make it so none of this ever happened.” Aaron sighed, sobering up now, roughly wiping at the drying tears on his cheeks. 

Robert gave him a sad smile. “If I could, I would.” 

 

 

 


	51. pillow talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one where aaron uses roberts stomach as a pillow.

 

 

 

A ridiculous movie Aaron picked out is playing on Robert’s laptop, when Robert notices. He’s barely paying attention, more interested in catching up on the news on his phone, the two of sprawled across their bed, still mostly dressed, favouring t-shirts and boxer shorts over proper pyjamas, their dinner plates discarded on the floor, noise from the Woolpack drifting up the stairs.

Still, it felt as though they were wrapped up in their own little world, Aaron more interested in the exploding cars than Robert was, Robert content to just watch as his fiancé stayed engrossed in the film, happy to just enjoy Aaron being near him.

Even now, weeks after they’d gotten engaged, Robert was still fascinated by how the ring looked on Aaron’s finger, his fiancés hand splayed across Robert’s chest. The bright metal caught his eye every time Aaron moved his hand, Robert’s gaze practically glued to Aaron’s left hand.

The ring he’d put there.

Aaron shifted, drawing Robert’s attention. He moved down the bed, Robert curious as his fiancé resettled himself with his face pressed to Robert’s stomach, scruffy beard bunching up the material of Robert’s t-shirt, so Aaron’s cheek was pressed to his stomach.

Robert couldn’t help but just watch as Aaron smiled slightly, his breathing slow, and even as he continued to watch the film, as though he hadn’t moved in the slightest. Deciding he wouldn’t interrupt him just yet, Robert ran his fingers through Aaron’s hair, revelling in the way Aaron melted into his touch, and just let Robert work his dark hair free of gel.

Aaron was touchy about his hair. He liked it done a certain way, liked when a thick layer of gel hid the his dark curls from view, and Robert hated it. Robert had always hated the gel, hated the severe way Aaron would do his hair.

But he loved this, loved that Aaron was happy to let him mess up his hair, let Robert scratch his fingers against Aaron’s scalp, the younger man practically melting into Robert’s body as he did so.

Happy Aaron was relaxed enough, Robert ran a hair through the fluffy mess one last time, before letting his hand settle on the back of Aaron’s neck, his thumb stroking over a patch of skin underneath Aaron’s ear.

A new sweet spot, he’d discovered recently.

Even after years together, good and bad, they were still learning about each other, still picking each other apart and discovering all their best, and worst, and completely hidden bits.

Like Aaron’s fixation on Robert’s stomach, apparently.

Another movement from Aaron drew Robert’s attention, Aaron burrowing his face closer to Robert’s skin, gently shoving Robert’s t-shirt out of the way, the cool air of their room making goosebumps rise across Robert’s abdomen.

Aaron’s breath was hot against his stomach, one of Aaron’s thumbs brushing a barely there pattern just underneath Robert’s bellybutton, the gesture too soft, too absent to be anything remotely sexual.

Aaron just looked perfectly content to lie on Robert’s stomach, his attention on the car case unfolding on the laptop screen in front of him.

Robert grinned to himself as he spoke, hand still cupping the back of Aaron’s head. “Are you alright there?” he teased, smiling even wider at the adorable look of confusion plastered on Aaron’s face as his attention was drawn away from the movie.

“You what?”

“On my stomach.” Robert explained. “You comfy, or…?”

Aaron’s cheeks flushed a bright pink, as though Robert had caught him doing something he shouldn’t have been doing, and he was embarrassed. “S’comfy,” he mumbled under his breath, his words barely audible.

“I can’t hear you,” Robert nudged, hitting pause on the movie.

“I said, it’s comfortable.” Aaron refused to look at him, thumbs digging into the soft flesh of Robert’s stomach. He’d gone a bit soft, after he’d been shot, and Robert hadn’t had much inclination to start a fitness regime since.

He sort of wished he had now, Aaron’s movements drawing his attention to his softer than it used to be stomach. “I don’t know if I should be offended at that or not,” Robert admitted, poking at his stomach, trying to hide his insecurity with a joke.

Aaron shook his head. “S’nice,” he mumbled again, the pink flush still rising in his cheeks, making him look even younger than he was, mussed up hair and an innocent look in his head. “I just like it.”

“You like that I’m fat?” Robert raised an eyebrow, knowing he was over-exaggerating (a bit, at least.)

“You’re not fat,” Aaron rolled his eyes, propping himself up on an elbow so he could look at Robert properly, an incredulous look in his eyes. “I don’t know how to explain it,” he admitted, gnawing on the side of his lip.

“Stop that,” Robert nudged, reaching out to tug Aaron’s bottom lip from between his teeth. “What, you just like using my stomach as a pillow?”

Aaron nodded, ducking his head again.

“It’s alright, you know,” Robert said softly, finding Aaron’s embarrassment endearing. “I don’t mind.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Robert confirmed. “I mean, no one has ever used my stomach as a pillow before, but theres a first time for everything.”

Aaron snorted, moving to lie down next to Robert again. “You’re an idiot,” he said, hitting play on the movie again.

Robert felt instantly cold as Aaron’s warm face left his stomach, his skin exposed to the cool air of the room, Aaron’s hand not enough, not enough to make him feel as wanted, as protective as he had done a few minutes previous.

Wordlessly, Robert reached for Aaron, gently pulling him back down into his previous position, face pressed to Robert’s stomach. Maybe it was a weird thing to like, a strange thing to want, but as Aaron let Robert manhandle him back into his curled up position on Robert’s stomach, Robert didn’t care.

Aaron looked happy, relaxed, free of pain from the new scar on his side, free of worry, and stress, and well - Robert felt as though he was giving him that, by letting Aaron get comfortable on his stomach, felt as though he was protecting the man he loved from the rest of the world, from all the things that could go wrong in it.

It was a new way to feel wanted, and Robert liked it.

Loved it, really.

 

 

 

 


	52. lazy morning kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from a prompt meme - lazy morning kisses before they’ve even opened their eyes, still mumbling half-incoherently, not wanting to wake up.

 

 

 

 

Aaron felt the lips on his own before he even woke up properly, feeling Robert’s breath ghost against his cheek as his husband nudged his face against Aaron’s, the gesture slow, and made sluggish with sleep. 

“’M sleeping,” Aaron mumbled in response, still melting into Robert’s touch as his husband nuzzled his face against Aaron’s cheek, soft skin warm against Aaron’s face. 

“I’m not waking you,” Robert murmured in response, leaning in to press a soft kiss to the corner of Aaron’s mouth, Aaron able to feel Robert’s smile against his face. 

He was always so soft, in the mornings, Robert, always willing to smother Aaron with affection in the early hours before they’d get have to get up, and face the world, get ready for work. 

Aaron let one of his hands fall to Robert’s hip, tilting his chin up so he could kiss Robert properly, eyes still squeezed tightly shut against the early morning light he knew would be flooding their room at this hour. 

Roberts lips moved softly against Aaron’s own, kisses soft and unhurried, the kind of kisses they never got to have when they were having the affair, when their time was limited and Robert’s life was with someone else. 

But Robert was  _his_  now. it was  _his_  husband who was kissing him awake, it was  _his_  husband who had a warm hand on the back of Aaron’s thigh, holding him close.

It was  **his**  husband who was kissing him softly, as though they had all the time in the world, as though they had nowhere in the world to be except there, curled up under their thick duvet, their touches lazy and sleep heavy, every brush of Robert’s lips, his fingers, sending warm, familiar tingles through Aaron’s body.

He was entirely relaxed when he did eventually open his eyes, Aaron blearily taking in Robert’s sleep ruffled appearance, blond hair standing on end. “Mornin’,” he greeted sleepily, digging his fingers into the soft skin at Robert’s hip. 

Robert responded with a bright grin, and one more kiss to the stubble on Aaron’s cheek. “Morning, Mr Sugden.”

 

 

 

 


	53. you put your arms around me and i'm home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from a prompt meme - throwing their arms around the other person, holding them close while they kiss.

 

 

They were standing in the kitchen when it happened, when Aaron was the one to change up how they kissed. They’d always had a natural fit, the two of them, hands on each others waists (or, sometimes, Robert would cup the back of Aaron’s head and pull him in close, just because he could) but he’d never kissed Aaron and had his boyfriend sling his arms around Robert’s neck.

Sure, maybe during sex, maybe mid-thrust when Aaron needed something to hold on to as Robert took him apart with an easy grin on his face, but never as they just stood in the kitchen, indulging in a quiet pub and a few spare minutes before they would have to leave for work.

Robert had Aaron bundled against the counter, kissing him in a way that made Robert want to drag him back upstairs to bed. Aaron was making these soft little murmuring noises against Robert’s lips, his fingers in a vice grip around Robert’s arms, and Robert had never wanted anyone more in his entire life.

He always wanted Aaron, really, always wanted to be near him, always wanted to kiss him, to hold him close, and as Aaron moved his hands, snaking his arms around Robert’s neck, knotting his fingers together at the base of Robert’s skull, he could have  _exploded_  from how much he wanted Aaron there and then.

Robert broke their kiss, only moving back half an inch so he could look at Aaron’s face properly. His boyfriend’s breathing was uneven, his cheeks flushed red, and an easy smile on his face, and  _god_ , did Robert love him,

Robert loved everything about him, about their newly blossoming relationship, loved how they were rediscovering what they were, what they could be to each other, how much their relationship could mean, how good they could be, now they had half a chance to make it work.

Robert loved that Aaron was comfortable enough to sling his arms around Robert’s neck and hold him close, stand between Robert’s legs as they kissed against the kitchen counter, the novelty of it all feeling as though it would never,  _ever_  wear off. 

Moving his hands from where they’d settled on Aaron’s waist, Robert looped his arms around Aaron’s back, pressing their bodies flush against each other, holding him tightly. 

“Do you think we’ve got time to go back upstairs?” Aaron asked quietly, familiar fingers tracing patterns across the skin on the back of Robert’s neck, catching in the hairs there. 

Robert shook his head, not wanting to move, not wanting to break the magic, risk the possibility of Aaron taking his hands away from Robert’s neck. “I want to stay here,” he mumbled, pressing a soft kiss to Aaron’s already red, and swollen, and throughly kiss bitten lips.

“Someone is going to walk in,” Aaron warned, not moving an inch.

Robert grinned, holding Aaron even closer. “Let’s give them a show then.”

 

 

 


	54. do you not like it?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from a prompt meme - kisses where one person is sitting in the other’s lap.

 

 

 

 

Aaron was pressed completely to Robert’s side as they kissed, and somehow, he still felt too far away. Sometimes, Robert felt as though he’d never be able to get close enough to Aaron, that nothing would ever feel like  _enough_. He wanted to wrap himself up in Aaron entirely, press every inch of them together, pull him close enough so that you’d hardly be able to tell where either of them began, or ended.

Robert just wanted him closer, so he tugged on Aaron’s waist, trying to encourage his boyfriend to straddle his legs. 

( _So what if they were still sitting downstairs in the backroom of the pub? The Woolpack had long since closed, and well, it would be a lie to say that Robert didn’t feel at least a bit of a thrill at the prospect of someone walking into the darkened sitting room and catching them._ )

Aaron was too focused on kissing Robert, too wrapped up in the sensations of their lips pressed together to protest, and so he moved willingly, sitting astride Robert’s trouser clad thighs. 

Robert liked how it felt, to have Aaron sit in his lap. It was always a comforting weight, the feeling of his boyfriend sitting on his thighs, hands on Robert’s shoulders as he steadied himself, knees digging into the couch cushions. 

Robert couldn’t hide his grin as Aaron broke their kiss, his hands having come to settle on Aaron’s ass, a finger threaded through one of Aaron’s belt loops. “You okay?” he asked, feeling Aaron stiffen slightly in his arms, a flash of discomfort on his face.

“Feels a bit weird, this,” Aaron admitted, his fingers digging into Robert’s shoulders, Robert able to feel the indentations his nails were making, even through his shirt. It was half unbuttoned down, the blue material out of place and his chest on show.

Robert’s brow furrowed, confused. “You what?” he raised an eyebrow. “Aaron, you do this all the time.”

And he did.

Robert had lost count of the amount of times Aaron had wordlessly straddled his hips in bed, sitting right on Robert’s crotch and distracting him from whatever book he was trying to read that evening. It wasn’t new, not really, not after nearly four months together.

“Not down here,” Aaron admitted, shifting slightly so he was putting less pressure on his knees, hands still digging into Robert’s shoulders. He looked as though he was struggling to find the words to explain to Robert how he felt, and Robert hated the screwed up, close to uncomfortable expression on his face. “I just…. Is it not weird for you?”

Robert shook his head, hooking his arms around Aaron’s waist, enjoying the way the palms of his hands seemed to span the entirety of Aaron’s lower back. “I like it,” he said, the warmth of Aaron’s skin, even through his t-shirt, almost distracting. “I like being this close to you. Do you not like it?” 

Aaron was quiet for a second. “I do.”

“Whats the problem then?” Robert nudged, genuinely curious. Even now, there was still things about each other they were only learning, things there had never been room, or time to learn during the affair. 

Aaron threaded his fingers through Robert’s hair, relaxing into Robert’s lap, their chests flush together. “I guess it’s just new,” he said quietly, leaning in to press a kiss to Robert’s lips, his own swollen, and red, and completely kiss bitten. “I’m not used to getting to be this out in the open with you.” 

Robert’s heart could ache. He never realised how much the affair affected Aaron (or more like he hadn’t let himself acknowledge how hard it was for Aaron to sit in the pub and watch Robert draped over Chrissie) and so sometimes, he forgot that Aaron had wanted this, them, for so long, that he’d wanted it for longer than Robert, even.

That Aaron had wanted to be able to sit and kiss Robert in the backroom of the pub and not worry that someone would out their affair. 

“I’m yours,” Robert murmured softly, their lips inches from each other. He brushed his lips softly against Aaron’s, the gesture reassuring more than it was wanted, reassuring Aaron that there was nowhere else Robert would want to be, no one else Robert would want to be with. “I promise, I’m all yours.”

 

 

 

 


	55. working hard (or hardly working)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from a prompt meme - when one person’s face is scrunched up, and the other one kisses their lips/nose/forehead.

 

 

 

Aaron watched as Robert let out another frustrated sigh, his forehead screwed up as he glared at his laptop, clearly annoyed by whatever was on his screen. He’d been working on a major presentation for Home James for weeks now, and if you asked Aaron, it was perfect - it was brilliantly designed, because Robert was good at photoshop and powerpoint and all that faff ( _he was the one who made up every single presentation or business plan they had to make for the scrapyard_ ) but Robert was convinced it was terrible, and so it was his fifth evening in a row sitting hunched over the kitchen table, refusing to give himself any time to relax.

Aaron eased himself up off their sofa, padding across the house in his socks. It was the depths of winter, and Aaron had never been more grateful for Robert’s insistence on triple glazed windows and underfloor heating in the kitchen, and god knows what else, purely because the house was so cosy and warm, despite the storm brewing outside.

Flicking on the kettle, Aaron busying himself making them both a cup of tea, heaping an extra spoon of sugar into Robert’s, knowing his husband’s sweet tooth was the easiest way to put a smile on his face. 

A sugary tea would have to do in the absence of any biscuits, they’d not done a proper shop that week yet.

Easing one of the kitchen chairs out from under the table with his foot, Aaron set Robert’s cup of tea down next to his laptop, carefully moving a pile of papers out of his way before he put his own down.

Robert mumbled a thank out, his brow still furrowed and his focus on his laptop screen, and Aaron couldn’t help himself - Robert looked so wound up, and stressed, and Aaron just wanted to kiss it all away, so he did, leaning forward on his elbows and pressing a kiss to Robert’s furrowed brow. 

Robert didn’t react, so Aaron did it again, trailing sloppy kisses down Robert’s cheek, across his jawline, finishing with one on the tip of his husband’s nose, the gesture finally breaking Robert’s serious expression, his husband bursting into the first genuine laughter Aaron had heard from him in days. 

“It’s perfect,” Aaron reassured, nudging Robert’s laptop out of the way slightly so he could bring himself closer, settling his socked feet on the edge of Robert’s chair. “But if it’ll make you feel better, go through it all again with me. Yeah?”

Robert gave him a grateful smile, flicking the presentation to full screen mode. “You’re the best, you know that?”

Aaron grinned, leaning in to press one more kiss to the side of Robert’s head. “I know, and you’d better be taking me on a proper holiday after you land this deal tomorrow.”

 

 

 


	56. routine kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from a prompt meme - routine kisses where the other person presents their cheek/forehead for the hello/goodbye kiss without even looking up from what they’re doing.

 

 

 

Chas doesn’t really take notice of it until it happens for the third morning in a row. For all the jokes she would make about banging headboards ( _all done with an uncomfortable, a mother doesn’t need to hear it Aaron, sort of smile on her face_ ) seeing her son be physically affectionate with his boyfriend (fiancé, Robert was Aaron’s fiancé now) wasn’t something she was used to.

Something had changed between them since the car accident, the engagement, and it was big enough for Chas to actually notice it. It was as though they were both more settled in their relationship, Aaron especially. Seeing her son with an engagement ring on his finger and the intention to actually go and get married was strange, but it suited him.

For all her faults, for all the problems they might have had, Chas was just like any other mother, she wanted to see her son be happy, and maybe Robert wasn’t her first choice, but the devastated look on her future son-in-law’s face as they sat and waited for news on Aaron’s condition told her that Robert did love him, did really, truly love Aaron.

And their new way of saying goodbye seemed to confirm it all the more.

Aaron wasn’t back to work yet, and he was driving them all mad. He’d get up with Robert, mope around the house in his tracksuit bottoms, grumble about how he was well enough to go up to the scrapyard, and then he’d wince and clutch at his side, and both she and Robert would exchange knowing looks, it clear that Aaron was still healing.

Still, they’d repeat the same pattern every morning, Aaron sitting at the kitchen table, cup of tea in hand as Robert would make himself breakfast, and every morning, Aaron would tilt his head slightly, Robert pressing a soft kiss to Aaron’s cheek in goodbye, as though it was on reflex.

Chas was settled in her usual kitchen chair, flicking aimlessly through one of the  trashy celebrity gossip magazines that Charity left dotted around the backroom, half an eye on a full page article about reality stars who’d apparently committed fashion crimes, half an eye on her son and his fiancé.

“I’ve got a meeting in Leeds at ten,” Robert said, his chair tugged closer to Aaron than strictly necessary, their legs bumping together, Chas grinning to herself as she watched.

She remembered how that felt, to not want to take your hands off the person who loved, even for half a second.

“Fancy a takeaway tonight?” Aaron asked, clearly not very interested in the meeting Robert had mentioned. “Could watch a film, or summat.”

Robert nodded. “I can pick something up on the way home.”

“Or you could come back and collect me, and we could go get something together?” Aaron asked hopefully. “I’m going crazy, being stuck here with my mum, Rob.”

“Oi, cheeky!” Chas swatted halfheartedly at Aaron. “I’m great company, thank you very much.”

Aaron rolled his eyes. “I know more about the Kardashian’s fashion habits that I ever wanted to,” he grumbled at Robert, the blond man smiling.

“I know the feeling, Vic used to make me watch it when I lived at hers.” Robert snorted, pressing a kiss to Aaron’s lips as he stood up, taking his plate and mug to the sink.

Robert was a lot tidier than Aaron. It was one of the first things she’d noted about her son’s boyfriend after he’d moved in, Robert always the one to stack the dishwasher, or iron Aaron’s clothes ( _that one made her laugh, Aaron only ironed his clothes if Chas demanded he do it, and look a little bit less like he’d just rolled out of bed, but he just let Robert at it, Robert happy to iron piles of Aaron’s threadbare t-shirts and scruffy jumpers._ )

Chas watched as Robert gathered his laptop and a sheaf of paperwork from the kitchen counter, watched as Aaron didn’t even look up from his phone as he titled his head, giving Robert room to kiss his cheek in goodbye, the gesture sweeter than she’d ever known her son to be, or Robert for that matter.

She clearly hadn’t done such a good job at hiding her grin, Aaron giving her a funny look as Robert left the room.

“What’s wrong with you?” Aaron waved a half eaten slice of toast at her, a confused expression on her face.

“You and Robert….” she began, trailing off mid-sentence, not wanting to be the one who turned Aaron off the whole idea. He’d never been one for PDA, not with Jackson, or Ed, and it was so good to see him so settled in a relationship, Chas didn’t want to ruin it. “It’s just good to see you happy, love.”

And it was.

It was so good to see a proper smile on Aaron’s face, it was so good to see him being smothered in love, it was so good to see him so eager to let it all happen, cheek kisses and engagement rings and all.

It was just good to see him happy.

 

 

 


	57. sometimes, i wish you'd died.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an au reveal of robert's one night stand with rebecca and it's aftermath.

 

 

 

 

Aaron felt sick, as he looked at Robert, felt honest to goodness sick to his stomach as he watched his husband, Robert’s usually imposing form crumpled and small, Robert hunched in the corner of their bedroom.

He didn’t want to feel like this. Aaron didn’t want to look at the man he loved more than anything, or anyone, in this whole entire world, and feel  _sick_ , but he did, because Robert’s words were flashing in vivid technicolour at the forefront of his mind, and it just wasn’t stopping.

_I slept with Rebecca._

**_I slept with Rebecca._ **

Rebecca, of all people, it had to be her. It had to be the one person Aaron had been constantly afraid Robert would be tempted by, tempted by the status, the money, the power, the beautiful blonde that could give Robert money and kids and all the things Aaron couldn’t give him. 

“Sometimes,” Aaron began quietly, knowing he had to speak, had to say something, had to try and figure out how he was going to deal with the bombshell Robert had just dropped. “I wish you died.”

Robert went instantly pale, the shock evident on his face as he looked at Aaron, his expression as broken as Aaron had ever seen the great Robert Sugden ever look. “W-what?”

“When you got shot. Sometimes, I wish you’d died,” Aaron said, a little more forcefully this time, hugging his knees to his chest. He was sitting on the floor, back to their bed frame, not ready to sit on their comfortable duvet just yet, not now, not now that he knew. “Because it would have hurt less, if I’d lost you then. That’s what I used to think, those first few months. If I had lost you then, it would have hurt less.”

Robert looked like he was about to be sick, and a part of Aaron relished in the fact he was causing his husband as much pain as Robert had just caused him, that he was breaking Robert’s heart the same way Aaron’s had just shattered in his chest.

“But then I realise that I wouldn’t have survived without you, if you’d died.” Aaron admitted, pressing his cheek to one of his knees, trying to ground himself with the contact. “I don’t know if I’d have found the courage to get through the court case, last year, if I didn’t have you.”

“You would have.” Robert spoke for the first time in a few minutes, voice thick with tears and shaking with nerves.

“I’m not so sure I would have.” Aaron admitted, knowing it was true. Even without Robert, he had a great support system. You could never mark the Dingles down as an unsupportive family, they truly did band together when there was a need for it - but Robert, all those those dark, awful months, he’d found a way of grounding Aaron, keeping him sane as he had to relive the worst moments of his life over, and over. 

“I’m sorry,” Robert choked out, sound every inch as sorry as his heartbroken expression implied. Aaron hated seeing Robert like this, hated seeing him so sorry and upset and broken, sitting in the corner as if he was a child rather than a grown man.

If he wasn’t so angry, if he wasn’t so hurt, he’d be more worried.

But then again, he was worried, of course he was worried, this was Robert after all, it was his husband, and Aaron loved and worried about his husband every minute of every day.

It’s just what you did, when you loved someone so much it felt like you needed them to breathe, sometimes, like you needed their arms around you and their kind words in your ear, those soft smiles and kind eyes that Robert saved for Aaron, and Aaron alone. 

The love he so freely, and honestly gave Aaron, the way Robert properly loved him now he’d been given half the chance to commit to their life together, to commit to Aaron, no wives or dirty secrets involved. 

Aaron knew Robert was sorry. He could see it in every hitch of his voice, every unsteady intake of breath, every tear that seemed to escape Robert’s eyes involuntarily. Sorry just seemed to ooze from every inch of Robert, his husband owning up to his mistakes, not running away, not hiding, not this time. 

“I know.” Aaron said, quiet for a second as he thought. “I’m not breaking up with you, Robert.”

“You should.”

“Maybe, but I don’t want to. I can’t be without you,” Aaron shook his head, hating the tears that welled up in his eyes. “I tried to do it before, and I couldn’t. We’re just going to have to find a way to get past this, because I need you too much. I  **want**  you too much.” 

 

 

 


	58. quiet, they can hear us.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> having sex quietly isn't one of aaron and roberts better skills.

 

 

 

 

Aaron had his head buried in the crook of Robert’s shoulder as he laughed, caught somewhere between a fit of the giggles and a moan, his husband just as bad. 

“Quiet, they can hear us!” Robert tried to say quietly, a snort escaping his mouth as he spoke. “Aaron, if we get shit from your mum for being too loud again, I swear to god.” 

His threat was half hearted, the grin on his face as his uneven breathing giving away how pissed he actually  _wasn’t_. 

“‘M sorry,” Aaron couldn’t stop his laughter now, fingers digging into Robert’s shoulders. “Give me a second,” he whispered, shifting his hips slightly so he was more comfortable on the tiny single bed they were sharing, Robert’s bony hip digging into Aaron’s thigh.

They were on a weekend away, with Aaron’s mum and Liv, and Cain, and Debbie, and the kids, Victoria and Adam due to come join them for the final two days they had the little cottage. Somehow, Aaron and Robert had ended up with a tiny twin to share, and it was their third night in a row sharing the cramped space, mindful of the paper thin walls that had led to a very awkward breakfast with Chas and Cain the morning after their first night.

That’s what they got for trying to have a nice family holiday, Aaron thought to himself, his laughter finally subsiding. Twenty seven years old, and he was trying to have sex with his husband of two years in a little single bed - it was as ridiculous as life could get, really.

A whole house to themselves back in Emmerdale, and here they were, duvet tugged up over their heads in a vain attempt to muffle their moans. “Okay,” Aaron nudged, a calmness having returned to his voice. “Go, Robert.”

Robert ducked his head into the space between Aaron’s head and shoulder, lips pressed to Aaron’s neck as he pushed in, Aaron’s eyes rolling back in his head as the familiar sensation overwhelmed his entire body.

He practically bit through his lip as Robert gently rocked his hips into him, Aaron scrambling to cling to Robert’s shoulders, yanking Robert’s mouth toward his so he could kiss him, moaning and laughing into his mouth. “I love you,” he murmured, unable to wipe the grin from his face as he looked at Robert, all messy hair and flushed cheeks, his husband still setting his heart racing, even now, years and years on from that first moment on the lay-by when Aaron knew he was hooked.

Robert returned the grin, eyes bright and love oozing from every inch of him. “I love you, Mr Sugden. Now, quiet as you can, I’m not going to be able to wait until we get home to do this.” 

 

 

 

 


	59. out of control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from a prompt meme - starting with a kiss meant to be gentle, ending up in passion.

 

 

 

 

It was supposed to be a simple welcome home kiss, Aaron noted as Robert shoved him up against the kitchen counter, devouring his mouth as though it was all he needed to survive. Aaron had shoved a lasagne in the oven (pre-made, not that Robert needed to know) and greeted his quiet husband with a peck on the lips, and somewhere between then and now, Robert had decided he wanted him.

Aaron wasn’t exactly complaining. They’d overslept that morning, didn’t have time for much else other than a quick snog as Robert got out of the shower and Aaron got in, a quick kiss goodbye while Liv moaned about being soppy enough to have him on edge all day, jittery and wanting.

He couldn’t help but always want Robert, when his husband was so effortlessly, absolutely gorgeous all of the time. Aaron hated him for it sometimes, hated how Robert would roll out of bed in the early summer mornings, freckled and sun-kissed, blond hair askew and a lopsided grin on his face as he would kiss Aaron awake, looking like he’d stepped off the pages of a holiday brochure.

Summertime looked good on Robert, and Aaron couldn’t help but drink in every inch of tanned skin, the way his blue blazer looked against his golden skin, couldn’t help but completely indulge in the toned muscle and soft curves of Robert’s hips as they kissed, Robert determined to remap every inch of Aaron’s mouth with his tongue. 

“How long do we have before Liv gets home?” Robert demanded, eyes blown wide with lust as he looked at Aaron, chest heaving.

Aaron was confused for a second before it clicked. “Half an hour, I reckon,” he said, voice hoarse from their furious snogging session. “The lasagne though….”

“It’s a pre-made one from David’s, I don’t care,” Robert gave him a knowing grin, reaching around to switch off the cooker, grabbing Aaron by the wrist and dragging him toward the stairs.

Aaron rolled his eyes, but went willingly.

He’d be a fool not to, really. 


	60. early morning goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from a prompt meme - height difference kisses where one person has to bend do wn and the other is on their tippy toes.

 

 

 

 

The height difference between them wasn’t particularly noticeable, it really wasn’t. It was a few inches at best, only enough to make Aaron tilt his chin upward slightly when he was kissing Robert to get the best angle, but it was nothing major.

It wasn’t as though they were Adam and Vic, Adam able to rest his chin on top of Victoria’s head as they stood. No, it was nothing as obvious as that, but sometimes (just sometimes) when Aaron was standing around in his socks, and Robert was dressed and ready to go, that height difference felt a bit more pronounced.

Like right there and then. It was early on a Saturday morning, Aaron half asleep as he stood, slumped at the kitchen counter, cup of tea in hand. He was planning on going straight back to bed when Robert left for the half day conference in Leeds Nicola was forcing him to attend.

“I’ll text you when I’m on my way home,” Robert said, stuffing half a slice of toast into his mouth as he spoke, trying to fix his haphazardly done tie. He’d overslept a bit (Aaron’s fault, really) and so he’d been in a right panic for the last half an hour, running around like a whirlwind trying to get ready.

Aaron set the cup of tea he’d been nursing down, knocking Robert’s hands out of the way so he could straighten his tie for him. It was so blissfully domestic, it made Aaron’s heart twist in his chest for a second as he fiddled with the navy material, suddenly acutely aware of Robert’s presence (more than he had done as he’d padded around after his husband, half asleep) the familiar scent of Robert’s cologne overwhelming his senses. 

Before he did his best to make Robert as late as possible, Aaron leaned back against the counter, picking up his cup of tea again. “We should go out for dinner tonight,” he suggested, the idea of a night out in town with Robert more than appealing. “We still haven’t tried that new Italian place in Hotten you’ve been banging on about.”

Robert leaned down (he honest to goodness leaned down, hunched over and stooping so he could get the perfect angle to kiss Aaron) and Aaron couldn’t help but melt into Robert’s embrace, the more pronounced height difference setting his heart right on edge. 

“Book a table, and wear your best suit, Mr Sugden,” Robert grinned, straightening up and grabbing the travel mug of tea Aaron had made him. “Don’t miss me too much.”

Aaron returned the grin. “I never do.”

 

 

 


	61. lazy pillow talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from a prompt meme - breaking the kiss to say something, staying so close that you’re murmuring into each other’s mouths.

 

 

 

 

It was the lazy mornings and quiet evenings in bed, that Robert liked the most. Those quiet moments at the start or end of a day that he got to share with Aaron, their bedroom door closed and the rest of the world blocked out. He’d set his phone to charge, alarm set for the morning, do not disturb turned on with a gleeful look on his face as he settled into bed (on the right side, of course) watching as Aaron went about his nightly routine.

He was a shower at night type of person, Aaron, his dark hair flat against his forehead and his pyjama top clinging to his still shower damp skin as he shoved his dirty clothes into their hamper, pausing to plug his own phone into charge before he pushed back the duvet, easing himself into bed next to Robert.

Somehow, he looked less tired than he had done at dinner, the shower clearly having eased the soreness and tension in his shoulders that could only be there after a long day of work up at the yard.

Leaning over, Robert pressed a kiss to Aaron’s clothed shoulder, wishing he could ease the tired muscles even more. He knew Aaron loved the manual work, loved being outdoors, being his own boss, but by Thursday of every week, his body seemed to ache a little more, Aaron’s limbs bone tired before Friday morning would even dawn.

“Have you got much on tomorrow?” Robert inquired, propping his head up in his hand as he lay on his side, facing Aaron.

As if on autopilot, Aaron snuggled down next to him, face inches from Robert’s as he replied. “Mostly paperwork,” he admitted, resting a hand on Robert’s hip, the warm palm a familiar comfort.

Robert would take Aaron’s hands anywhere on his body, if he was honest, but moments like this, the two of them tired after a long day and ready for sleep, when Aaron’s guards were dropped entirely, when Robert wasn’t wearing his usual mask of snark and over-confidence, when Aaron would put his hands on Robert simply because he could, because he liked touching Robert, well, they were some of the very best moments of Robert’s day.

Nudging his nose against Aaron’s, enjoying the grin that appeared on his husbands face, the way he scrunched his nose up at the action, Robert kissed him, soft and slow, dragging out the embrace as though it wasn’t going to go anywhere.

It wasn’t, not tonight. Tiredness was rolling off Aaron in waves, and however great the sex always was, it’s not like it was all they needed for closeness. Robert had come to love this intimacy, the soft and gentle moments he’d never dreamed he’d have with Aaron, all those years ago when he’d been sleeping with him in cold barns and expensive hotel rooms.

This, soft kisses exchanged in their own home, the house they’d built together, cuddled up under bed linen that had caused a full blown argument in John Lewis (“You’re not paying a hundred quid for a duvet cover, Robert, you absolute tosser!”), well, it was everything Robert could possibly want out of life.

Their lips were barely half an inch apart as Robert replied. “We should sack off work early, go to Hotten for dinner,” he murmured, brushing his lips against Aaron’s in another soft kiss.

“Mm,” Aaron shoved up the back of Robert’s t-shirt, fingers tracing circles absently on the skin of his lower back, the duvet shifting slightly with Aaron’s movement. “Or we could sack off work early and come home, make the most of Liv being at that art thing until six.”

Robert could kiss Aaron forever, he really could. He barely even moved away when he spoke this time, focus hazy now his concentration was on Aaron’s lips again. “I forgot about that,” he admitted, only vaguely remembering the conversation they’d had about some art show Liv was to go and see with school in Manchester that Friday.

“So did I, until she badgered me for twenty quid,” Aaron replied, his breath warm against Robert’s lips, his cheek. “It’ll be seven, before she even bothers to come back here. You know what her and Gabby are like.”

“All those hours with an empty house, what are we to do, Mr Sugden?” Robert grinned, giving Aaron’s hair a playful tug as he kissed him again, revelling in the way Aaron just melted into his touch.

Aaron gave him a tired smile, happiness clear in his expression. “I’m sure we’ll find something to do,” he murmured, pressing one last kiss to Robert’s lips as he closed his eyes, settling down against his pillow properly.

Robert stuck his arm under his own pillow, slinging an arm over Aaron’s waist as he listened to his breathing start to even out, their legs tangled together, lips still inches apart.

Maybe it was soppy of him, but falling asleep like this, face to face, Aaron’s oh-so inviting lips inches from him come the morning time, well -

it was as close to perfect as life could get, wasn’t it?

 

 

 

 


	62. white picket fences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompted by @dannymillersthighs on tumblr, who want a fic where aaron and robert were looking at silly facebook videos in bed.

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron settled back against his pillows, shifting so he was pressed close to Robert’s side as they lay in bed, unwinding after a long day. Robert had picked up the new book he’d bought in Hotten that afternoon as soon as his arse had hit the mattress, his shower soft hair messy and oh-so inviting as he focused on whatever sci-fi novel he’d been excitedly talking about all through tea.

It was endearing, how into reading Robert was. Aaron had never known about it during the affair, not really - a brief mention, or a book sitting on Robert’s desk at home farm the only indication of his favourite hobby.

Sometimes, he couldn’t quite believe just how domestic and settled the two of them were. There was always the nights that they’d fall into bed, unable to keep their hands off each other ( _god, he hoped they’d never lose that_ ) but Aaron always enjoyed these quiet sort of evenings, when he’d be scrolling through Facebook on his phone, Robert engrossed in a book, the two of them doing nothing more than just enjoying each others company after a long day.

Aaron snorted as he noticed a video on his timeline, nudging Robert in the side to make him look. “That’s you,” he grinned, gesturing at the video, a dog jumping up and down on the screen.

Holding his place in the book, Robert angled Aaron’s phone so he could get a better look. “When he looks at his phone instead of you….” he rolled his eyes, laughing at the dog as it jumped in and out of view excitedly. “You’re an idiot, you know that?”

“You love it,” Aaron shrugged, continuing his scroll through Facebook, leaning a little more heavily on Robert now, the familiar scent of his shower gel practically assaulting Aaron’s senses.

He’d always bang on about how it was a waste of money, but Aaron loved how it smelled on his fiancé’s skin, the lemon scent clinging to his skin, his hair, his pyjamas. It was one of those little Robert things that always made him smile, the expensive branded bottle sitting next to Aaron’s cheap shower gel in the shower caddy.

Hitting play on another video, a screeching sound filled their otherwise quiet bedroom.

“What is that?” Robert scrunched up his nose, wincing at the noise.

Aaron grinned. “A baby otter,” he showed Robert the video, playing for the second time through now.

“You know, you make fun of Victoria for sharing all those cute animal videos, but you’re as bad,” Robert teased, shoving a bookmark into his book, setting it down on his bedside locker. He shoved at Aaron’s side, forcing him to sit up for a second so he could manoeuvre himself behind Aaron, an arm slung around his back.

Aaron settled back against Robert, the way his fiancé would cuddle him close like still a novelty, even after all this time. He could feel the steady rise and fall of Robert’s chest as they laid together, duvet tugged up around their waists. “Baby animals are always cute,” he defended, flicking past a few posts from his friends, Belle having had shared some video about a hairstyle to Liv’s timeline.

He loved that his little sister was a Dingle now, through and through, all of them having had taken Liv under their wing, Belle most of all. Liv needed that, she needed a family around her, needed more than just Aaron and Robert on her side.

“Wait, play that one,” Robert interrupted his train of though, pointing to a video Victoria had liked. “Are those stuffed cookies?”

Aaron nodded, watching as someone made the most sickening looking combination of chocolate moose and cookies, the dessert oozing chocolate as the cameraman did the usual sexy food shot to end. “You don’t need to eat anymore chocolate,” he grinned, enjoying the horrified look on Robert’s face.

“Are you saying I’m fat?”

“I’m saying you’ve got a major sweet tooth and I’m the only one that goes running - ow! I’m joking, I’m joking,” Aaron snorted, wriggling away from Robert’s grasp as he pinched Aaron’s thigh.

“We should try and make that nacho pizza,” Robert murmured, resting one hand protectively on Aaron’s stomach, light fingers tracing patterns across his abdomen, Robert’s palm warm against Aaron’s skin. “The one you showed me the other day.”

“I saved it,” Aaron noted, thinking of the video he’d sent Robert at lunchtime, when Robert had been at a meeting in Hotten. “We’d burn the kitchen now, realistically.”

“Hey, I’m not a bad cook!”

“Good and not bad aren’t the same thing,” Aaron pointed out. “We could try and convince Vic though, she’d always up for doing something mad with food.”

“Mm, she’s good at it too,” Robert agreed. “Don’t tell her I said that, she’ll never let me hear the end of it.”

Aaron rolled his eyes, but continued his scroll, pausing at a video captioned ‘puppy barks in his sleep.’ Maybe he had a complete soft spot for dogs, but so what? He knew Robert was the same, for all his pretend gruffness.

No one could resist the appeal of a puppy.

“That’s cute,” Robert commented, grinning against Aaron’s cheek as they watched the tiny puppy sleep, letting out a high pitched bark every few seconds.

Aaron beamed. “It’s funny,” he agreed, locking his phone, sitting up so he could plug it in to charge before he laid back down, turning on his side this time, so he could look at Robert properly. “We should get a dog,” he said decisively.

Robert trailed his fingers across the back of Aaron’s neck, only illuminated by the hall light streaming in from the crack in their door, having turned off his bedside lamp as Aaron plugged his phone in.

He looked gorgeous, even in the dusky half light, all blond hair and blue-y green eyes that made Aaron’s heart melt in his chest. It astounded him, how much he loved every inch of Robert, how he’d never had that with anyone else before.

“Living here?” Robert answered. “I don’t think your mum would be too happy.”

“No, I mean - when we have a place of our own,” Aaron corrected, surprised at how easy it was to say, how much of a certainty it was for him that one day, the two of them would have a house of their own, their names jointly on the deeds.

“Do you think about that a lot?” Robert asked after a few second silence. “The future, I mean. Do you want all that with me? A house, a dog, all of it?”

Aaron nodded, tilting his head so he could look at Robert a bit better, lips inches from his fiancé’s. “Yeah,” he said simply, not quite trusting himself to say more without babbling.

Robert was quiet for a second, his brow furrowed. “What kind of dog?” he asked, tugging Aaron impossibly closer. “I’ve always wanted a golden retriever,” he admitted, the first indication he’d given the idea more than a second’s thought.

“Clyde was a mix,” Aaron said, thinking back to the dog he’d loved so wholeheartedly as a teenager. “We could adopt one, you know? From a shelter.”

Robert pressed a kiss to Aaron’s cheek, his breathing slowing as he started to drift to sleep. “Sounds good,” he mumbled, a now familiar contentment to his tone. He was happy, he was happy here, with Aaron, talking about houses and dogs, planning for a future with Aaron.

Aaron couldn’t wipe the smile from his face as he closed his own eyes, one hand on Robert’s chest, right about where his heart would be. If he concentrated enough, Aaron swore he could feel the steady thrum of Robert’s heartbeat.

Robert was fast asleep by time he finally replied, finally spoke again, but Aaron didn’t mind.

Robert already knew, he always had.

“I love you.”

 

 

 

 


	63. breaking beds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaron and robert accidentally break their bed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Robert couldn’t help but freeze mid-thrust as he heard an ominous crack. Aaron instantly glares at him, fingernails digging into Robert’s shoulders. “Did you hear that?” Robert asked, his breathing unsteady.

“No - Robert, fucking move, will ya?” Aaron moved one of his hands, pinching Robert’s hip, bearing down on Robert’s dick in an attempt to get him to move. They’d overslept that morning, no time for even a quick handjob before work, and so they were both keyed up and absolutely desperate for each other.

So Robert moved, capturing Aaron’s lips in a heated kiss, pushing Aaron’s hands up over his head, his thrusts slow, and deliberate. Even now, years after that hasty first time in the back of a car, the thrill of Aaron, and being with Aaron, had never worn off.

Robert wasn’t so sure it ever would. Every time still felt as exciting as the first, every inch of Robert feeling as though it was liquifying when they were together, when he was buried deep in Aaron, his husband’s legs hooked around his waist, Aaron’s body under his own and his hands in Robert’s hair.

Every inch of them could be pressed together, and it would still never feel like enough.

“‘M so close,” Aaron admitted, voice slurring slightly as Robert brushed against his prostate, eyes rolling in his head. Seeing Aaron fall apart like this, it was still the most satisfying feeling in the world for Robert, knowing it was all him, that he was the only person who made Aaron feel like this, that Aaron  _trusted_ him to take him apart like this, his heart on display.

Robert hummed his agreement, picking up his speed, knowing neither of them were going to last too much longer.

And then all of a sudden, he heard another crack, and their entire bed collapsed, the two of them still on top of it, and Robert nearly had a fucking heart attack, the impact of the two of them suddenly hitting the floor sending his heart racing ( _and not in the great I’m having mind-blowing sex with my husband sort of way it had been racing before._ )

Wide-eyed, Robert looked at Aaron, who’s shocked expression mirrored his own. “I told you I heard something!” he said incredulously, his heart pounding out of his chest.

Aaron was quiet for a second before he burst into hysterical laughter, the sound filling their otherwise quiet bedroom.

It was infectious, Aaron’s laughter, and Robert couldn’t do anything but join in, burying his face in Aaron’s neck as he laughed, the sheer ridiculousness of what had just happened sinking in.

They’d  _actually_  gone and broken a bed.

Sure, they made jokes about their sex life, they both knew they had a great sex life, but in all their years together, they’d never quite managed to break an actual bed-frame.

Robert’s proudest moment to date had been Aaron biting a hole in one of their pillow cases, but this? This took first prize.

“I can’t believe we broke our bed,” Aaron snorted, holding tightly to Robert’s shoulders as he laughed, the two of them shaking with laughter as they laid in the ruined mess of their bed frame, Robert spotting one of the wooden slats on the carpet out of the corner of his eye.

“I guess I’m just that good in bed,” Robert smirked, earning himself a half hearted slap from Aaron.

Aaron’s laughter had calmed slightly, and he was quiet for a second. “Do you think we could just keep going?” he said, his cheeks flushing slightly. “I meant it. I’m really close.”

Robert grinned, leaning in to kiss Aaron softly. “I love you, you idiot.”

Aaron wriggled slightly, trying to get comfortable on the broken remains of their bed, glad they hadn’t bothered to move their thick duvet out of the way before they’d started stripping off each other’s clothes.

“Get to making breaking our bed worth it then,” Aaron smirked, a wicked glint in his eye.

Robert pinned Aaron’s hands over his head, returning the grin. “Oh, don’t worry, this bed is going to be well and truly broken by time I’m done with you, Mr Sugden.”

 

 

 

 

 


	64. forever after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> robert develops a habit of drawing words on aarons skin.

 

 

 

 

Robert isn’t sure when it became a habit, doodling on Aaron’s skin. It was probably around the time Liv bought him an adult colouring book for his birthday, his itchy fingers rediscovering their love of patterns, of drawing and tracing.

They were lying in bed, Aaron on his stomach, boneless and trying to catch his breath, Robert doing his best to hide his self satisfied grin as he watched Aaron’s chest heave, his cheeks flushed and a sheen of sweat across his skin.

Robert couldn’t help but reach out, index finger tracing large, looping letters across Aaron’s exposed back.

_I love you._

Robert would trace it into every inch of Aaron’s skin if he could, pattern every part of Aaron with the words, the words that always felt like a promise when they left Robert’s lips, a promise to be better, kinder,  _more_ , the promise he made every single day to the man he’d been lucky enough to marry.

_You’re my forever._

Robert would trace the words into every inch of Aaron’s skin if he thought it would make Aaron believe them, believe them without a single doubt in his mind, if he thought it would make Aaron feel secure, and safe, and happy.

Wandering fingers tracing down Aaron’s spine, Robert leaned down to press a kiss to Aaron’s shoulder, his husband still, and curious now.

_Mr Sugden._

It might not be official, but Aaron bore the Sugden name as proudly as he did the Dingle one, the same way Robert was never bothered to correct someone who called him Robert Dingle.

They were family, after all, and seeing Aaron so comfortable, so happy to use Sugden as his own, it made Roberts heart swell a thousand sizes. For all their faults, Robert was proud of his roots, proud of who he’d come from, and there wasn’t too many of them left in the village now.

“What are you doing?” Aaron murmured, his words quiet, half muffled by the pillow his face was buried in.

These moments, the quiet few minutes after sex, when they’d just lie together, no need for words, or actions, both of them happy to be in each others company, they were Robert’s favourite.

Gone were the days of the affair, when Robert would scramble to leave, a combination of needing to get back to Chrissie and his own refusal to believe his attraction to men was anything more than just sexual, more often than not leaving Aaron half undressed, the younger man slower to leave.

He’d been more used to being in love than Robert had, back then.

But not anymore.

No, not anymore. Robert was present now, here and happy and he had nowhere else he’d rather be than in bed with his husband, surrounded by the trinkets and details that made their home, theirs.

“Just reminding you that I love you,” Robert murmured, tracing an ‘I love you’ across Aaron’s back again, enjoying the shiver that went down Aaron’s spine as he did so.

Aaron turned, shifted so he was lying on his side, facing Robert. He reached for Robert’s hand, bringing Robert’s palm to his face, pressing a kiss to the warm skin, breathing a soft ‘I love you’ against it, as though he was trying to breathe all the love he felt for Robert across his skin, goosebumps rising across every inch of Robert.

“Can we stay here forever?” Robert asked quietly, cold now, but unwilling to reach for the duvet they had bundled at the end of their bed.

Aaron smiled, that soft, happy smile he seemed to reserve only for these moments. “At least until tomorrow morning, anyway.”

 

 

 

 

 


	65. the shower door incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when shower sex goes very, very wrong.

 

 

 

Aaron isn’t really sure how it happened, in the end. One minute they were putting their ensuite shower to use, Robert sneaking in behind him as Aaron soaped up his hair, and the next thing he knew, Robert had gone flying, cracking his head against the thick glass of their shower door.

“Jesus - fuck, Robert, are you okay?” Aaron shut off the shower, sliding a bit on the tiled floor himself as he crouched down to check if his husband was okay, Robert sitting on the shower floor, looking a little more than dazed.

“‘M… not sure,” Robert’s words slurred a little as he spoke, pressing a hand to the back of his head.

Aaron hooked his arms around Robert, his husband like dead weight as he hoisted him out of the shower, depositing him unceremoniously on their bed, knowing Robert would give him nothing but grief later for letting their fresh bedsheets get soaked through.

“Let me see,” he murmured, tilting Robert’s head slightly so he could assess the damage. Robert’s head wasn’t bleeding, or anything, so he took that as a good sign, but that shower door was seriously thick glass, and Aaron couldn’t help but be concerned.

Especially when Robert was still so  _dazed._

“Come on, get dressed,” Aaron said, pulling on his own boxers, wincing at the way his clothes stuck to his damp skin.

“Why?”

“Because I’m taking you to the hospital Robert,” Aaron said, as if it were obvious. “You just nearly cracked your skull open on the shower door, you could have a concussion.”

“I’ll be fine, just a bit woozy,” Robert shrugged, fumbling for the trousers Aaron was handing him.

“Robert, don’t argue with me,” Aaron shook his head, fully dressed now. He would have run down to grab something to eat, but he didn’t quite trust Robert to get down the stairs ( _god, why had they gone for a spiral staircase again_ ) without tumbling head first down it, the state he was in.

Robert seemed too disorientated to argue, squinting at the button of his trousers as he tried to do it up.

“I can’t believe I’m dressing ya,” Aaron teased, covering his worry with a joke as he buttoned Robert’s trousers. “I didn’t think we’d be doing this until you were at least forty.”

“Ha-ha,” Robert attempted to roll his eyes, tugging on a discarded t-shirt of Aaron’s. “You try getting your pants on after you nearly brained yourself in the shower.”

Aaron gave him a sympathetic look, squeezing his hip. “It’s probably just a concussion, if anything,” he said, guiding a still disorientated Robert toward the stairs, practically sighing with relief as his husband held tightly to the bannister, taking the steps one at a time (usually Robert was worse than Liv, thundering down the stairs like a small herd of elephants.)

“I’m going to have a banging headache either way,” Robert sighed, picking up a hoodie of Aaron’s, Aaron having had left it thrown over the back of the couch the previous evening. “And I didn’t even get an orgasm out of it.”

Aaron snorted, leaning in to press a quick kiss to Robert’s lips. “I’ll make it up to ya, old man.”

 

 

 

 

 

It had been a concussion. A fairly mild one at that, the nurse barely holding in laughter as Robert explained how he’d slipped in the shower, his cheeks turning a bright pink as he did so.

They’d spend the day on the couch, Robert nursing a banging headache and Aaron more than making up for the orgasm that wasn’t by the end of the day.

Robert had all but gotten over it when he’d gotten to work the next morning, a shower mat on his desk, right red bow attached and Adam doubled over in the corner, laughing his head off. “You told him?” he asked, incredulous.

Aaron couldn’t do much to hold back his laughter now either. “I had to tell him why we weren’t coming in to work!” he defended himself, remembering how Adam had just broken down on the phone when Aaron had told him they were in A&E because Robert had fell in the shower, Adam quickly putting two and two together.

Robert glared at the two of them. “Don’t either of you dare tell Vic.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

A week later, a brochure for shower chairs arrived in their front door, Victoria’s neat hand writing stating she’d picked out a few nice ones for him, and that was the moment Robert decided he hated his  _entire_  family.

 

 

 


	66. happy fortieth, robert.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaron and robert celebrate roberts fortieth birthday (with a few jokes about his age, for good measure.)

 

 

 

 

 

 _Forty_.

It was his fortieth birthday, today.

Forty just sounded so old, so much older than Robert wanted to be, if he was honest. He’d always thought he’d be okay with getting older, that he’d be fine with it, but he felt strange, as he woke up that morning.

Time was passing too quickly.

He’d been with Aaron (properly) for ten years now, and it felt like it had been about six months. Robert couldn’t help but wonder if the rest of his life was going to pass this quickly, if he’d wake up one morning and forty years will have gone by, and all the happy years they were going to have together would be behind them, rather than ahead of them.

“I know you’re awake,” Aaron murmured against Robert’s cheek, their bed shifting as his husband sat down. Robert kept his eyes closed as Aaron nuzzled his face against Robert’s cheek, pressing kisses to his nose, across his cheekbones. “Happy birthday, Robert.”

Robert opened his eyes, giving Aaron an unhappy look. “It’s a birthday alright,” he grumbled, barely holding back a smile as he looked at the tray Aaron had set down on his bedside locker, a plate of pancakes and two mugs of coffee adorning one of the new plates Robert had insisted on buying.

Aaron was so good to him, he really was.

“What’s wrong?” Aaron nudged, able to read Robert’s emotions as though it was second nature. After ten years, it probably was, the two of them able to know and understand without words, without needing to explain.

Robert shifted so he was sitting up against the headboard, giving a slight shrug. “I guess it’s hitting me that I’m getting old,” he admitted, his reading glasses catching his attention.

Just another reminder that he wasn’t as young as he used to be.

Rather than get back into his own side of the bed, Aaron moved so that he was straddling Robert’s hips, wearing an old t-shirt belonging to Robert (he knew it was his own because it was Star Wars themed) his hair messy and soft against his forehead.

God, did Robert love him.

“Forty isn’t that old,” Aaron said, almost matter of factly, reaching out for the mug of coffee he’d made for himself, in the best husband mug (the sixth they’d had to buy in ten years), making himself comfortable as he sat on Robert’s thighs.

Robert wanted to enjoy his breakfast in bed, enjoy the comforting weight of Aaron sitting on him, enjoy all sorts, but he couldn’t shake his strange mood. “Easy for you to say when you’re thirty two,” he grumbled, feeling the age difference between them properly for once.

Twenties to thirties had never felt like a major difference, but thirty to forty was.

God, he’d nearly be fifty by time Aaron turned forty.

“My dad was 63 when he died.”

Aaron raised an eyebrow. “ _And_?”

“That’s only twenty years from now. What if I’ve got got twenty years left?” Robert knew he was being irrational, knew he was healthier than his father had been, no underlying heart condition yet to be found at his yearly checkup, but he didn’t much feel like being rational that morning.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Aaron rolled his eyes, running a hand through Robert’s hair. “You and me have got all the time in the world left. You promised you’d stick around until you were at least eighty.”

Robert couldn’t help but lean into his husbands touch. “You’re not going to want me when I’m old and grey,” he mumbled, thinking of the slight meltdown he’d had when Aaron had noticed a grey hair when they were in the shower, a few mornings previous.

“I’m going to love you no matter how old you get,” Aaron reassured, hands trailing down Robert’s chest. “I’m always going to think you’re gorgeous, Robert.”

“Promise?”

Aaron laughed, crossing his heart in an action not dissimilar to Victoria’s daughter when she’d promise them she wasn’t going to steal any biscuits. “I promise,” he said, leaning in to press a soft kiss to Robert’s lips. “You’re my husband, Robert. Means I’ve got to love ya, even when you’re old and grey.”

Robert had to admit his heart felt a little lighter, the uneasy feeling in his chest easing as he listened to Aaron. “I love you, you know,” he said, the words having been said thousands of times by now, always still holding the same weight, the same promise of a forever after.

“And I love you,” Aaron echoed, nodding his head toward the breakfast plate. “Are you going to eat now? I’ve been slaving away all morning!”

Robert dug his fingers into the familiar muscle of Aaron’s thighs, forcing his husband to grind down on him a little harder to get comfortable, Aaron’s grin matching his own. “I think you owe me forty birthday kisses, Mr Sugden.”

“Oh, so now your age isn’t a problem?”

 

 

 

 

 


	67. stop looking at me like that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> robert realises the impact of their affair still lingers, with aaron.

 

 

 

 

 

“Stop looking at me like that!”

Robert couldn’t help but laugh at Aaron’s protest, his boyfriend’s hair a stark contrast to the pure white bedding of their hotel room. It was the first time they’d managed to get away, just the two of them, since the court case, since Liv, since they’d gotten back together.

Robert had purposely picked a quaint little country house hotel on the outskirts of Manchester, determined not to bring Aaron back to anywhere that might remind him (either of them) of the affair, of the days when Robert would leave and go home to his wife and never chose Aaron.

Maybe one day, they’d stay at somewhere like the Barden Park and not remember how much it had all hurt, for Aaron, more than anyone, but today wasn’t that day. No, today was for a new start, a quiet weekend for the two of them, a chance to be them, no distractions, no sisters, no family commitments.

“Like what?” Robert feigned innocence. He knew exactly how he was looking at Aaron, the same way he’d looked at him every day since they’d gotten back together, as though he was the most gorgeous person Robert had ever met.

He was, really.

That was the thing about Aaron. He was outwardly attractive, of course, but the more you got to know him, the more gorgeous he became, this incredible man who’d been through too much in too short a time, who was somehow still all heart and love for the  people he let into his life.

Robert was lucky enough to be one of those people again, for real this time.

“I dunno!” Aaron shook his head, a light flush to his cheeks. It was late, later than they should probably have been awake, the two of them fighting sleep just so they could bask in each others company, the desperation and the frustration that had them banging into (and on) every surface of their hotel room gone now, replaced with a sort of easy calm they’d only ever had glimpses of during the affair.

It had mostly been physical, the affair, trying to fit everything in during one night away, but there was no limit on them now, no limit on how much and how often Robert got to be with Aaron.

It made more time for moments like these, where Robert could just watch, and admire.

“Stop looking at you like I think you’re beautiful?” Robert said after a brief pause, it clear Aaron wasn’t going to say it. “I can’t do that, you know. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”

Aaron screwed his eyes shut, his cheeks bright red now. “Don’t, Robert,” he said, a strange sort of sadness clear in his voice.

“Hey, look at me,” Robert nudged, moving so he was pressed close to Aaron’s side. “Aaron, look at me.”

Aaron opened his eyes, Robert’s heart aching as he took in his boyfriends tear filled blue eyes, the pained expression on his face. He didn’t have to be a genius to know what Aaron was thinking, the setting so familiar, even if it was another hotel, even if it felt like it was another lifetime.

It wasn’t, it wasn’t another life, it wasn’t another Aaron and Robert. They’d been through all that together (or not really ever together at all) and Robert sometimes forgot how hard it must be for Aaron to let go of it all, to believe Robert was with him for real, that there wasn’t a Mrs Sugden waiting at home, not now, not anymore.

“I’m yours,” Robert reassured, pressing a hand to Aaron’s chest, feeling the steady thrum of his heartbeat. “I’m sorry for all the times I didn’t chose you. I’m sorry for everything I put you through Aaron, I am. But I’m yours, now - I am always going to be yours.”

Aaron blinked back tears, looking annoyed at himself for even being upset. “Sometimes I don’t know how to make myself believe it,” he admitted, his voice cracking mid-sentence.

_God, they still had so much to work through._

Robert kissed him softly, wishing he could make Aaron see what he saw, what he felt, what he knew in his heart to be true, that he was Aaron’s, only Aaron’s, always Aaron’s. “I’ll just keep telling you until you find a way.”

 

 

 

 

 


	68. forever after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the first night aaron and robert spend together after their reunion.

 

 

 

 

 

It was strange, really, to feel so completely unsure as he stood in Aaron’s bedroom, wearing a borrowed t-shirt, stripped down to his boxers, watching as his boyfriend (god, that word would take some getting used to) settled into bed, plugging his phone in to charge.

The stress, the horror of the last few weeks, they’d really taken their toll on Aaron, exhaustion clear in his face as he settled back against his pillows, looking half asleep as it was.

Robert didn’t want to overstep, didn’t want to do anything that might damage their new, tentative relationship, so he’d watched as Aaron climbed into bed, wondering if he was still inclined to sleep on the left side.

( _He was._ )

“Are you going to stand there all night?” Aaron asked, duvet tugged up around his chest. He looked so much younger than he was, curled up in bed like this, Robert’s heart twisting in his chest as he got a sudden glimpse of the tiny little boy Aaron used to be, before the universe had thrown so much horror at him.

“I….” Robert trailed off, knowing he should be honest with Aaron, because thats what they were now, honest, and true, and real. “I don’t want to ruin things,” he admitted quietly, shifting from left foot, to right.

Aaron’s brow crinkled in confusion, clearly unsure of what to say. “What could you possibly ruin by going to sleep?” he asked, knowing that was all that was going to happen.

  
Aaron had admitted it quietly, as they’d stood side by side in the bathroom, brushing their teeth. He wasn’t ready to have sex again, he needed time, and Robert had cupped the back of his head, and kissed his forehead, and reassured him that he’d wait for as long as Aaron needed.

“Everything,” Robert said, feeling ridiculous as he spoke. “Us. It’s so new, and good, I don’t want to ruin it before we’ve even got the chance to get started by hurting you, or opening my big gob and doing summat stupid,” he said, his fears rushing out all at once, the worries he constantly carried now he was getting his second (or was it tenth?) chance with Aaron.

“The only thing you’re going to ruin is my good mood, if you don’t get into bed,” Aaron gave him a tired, but sincere smile, tugging back the right side of the duvet, a clear invitation.

As Robert clambered into bed beside Aaron, it dawned on him that they’d never done this, never just gone to sleep together. Sure, they’d shared a bed plenty of times, sex sated and sweaty, but this was different.

Somehow, it felt more intimate.

Robert wasn’t exactly sure of his boundaries, but Aaron seemed to nestle into his side happily enough, so Robert wrapped an arm around him, holding Aaron close. “I want to do right by you this time,” he murmured softly, fingers itching to run through Aaron’s shower soft hair.

“Me too,” Aaron replied, palm flat against Robert’s chest, as though he was seeking out the steady thrum of Robert’s heartbeat, Aaron’s chin digging into Robert’s shoulder in a way that should have been uncomfortable, but it wasn’t, of course it wasn’t, because he had Aaron in his arms and it felt like the universe had just aligned to exactly where it always should have been, Robert knowing in his heart of hearts that nothing would ever feel as right as  _this_ , as right as the two of them together, legs tangled and bodies pressed together.

“I think about the future a lot now,” Aaron’s quiet voice roused Robert from his thoughts.

“Yeah?” Robert couldn’t help the surprise in his voice at Aaron’s admission. Aaron had said it  plenty of times before, that he didn’t think much about the future, that he didn’t think about it half as much as Robert did, Robert always looking to next week, over today.

“I thin about how happy I’m going to be,” Aaron continued, thumb pressing into Robert’s ribcage, Aaron’s skin hot, and familiar even through the t-shirt he was wearing. “How happy you and me are going to be.”

Happy.

Happy with  _Aaron_.

God, did that sound like utter bliss.

“We’re going to be so happy,” Robert confirmed, a heart full of hope for the future as he lay with Aaron in his arms, murmuring into Aaron’s hair as they curled up together, the noise and the busyness of the rest of the world finally blocked out, leaving them to their little sanctuary in Aaron’s room. “I am going to make you so happy, Aaron, I promise ya.”

Aaron hummed, an ease to his expression that hadn’t been there a few days previously. “I know,” he said, after a moments pause. “I want you to be comfortable here, with me,” he added, as though he was asking a question.

“I am.”

“Then don’t be so afraid you’re going to ruin things,” Aaron said, moving his head so he could look at Robert properly, his eyes wide, and sincere. “We’re only getting started, you and me.”

“A new start,” Robert breathed, unable to hide the wonder from his voice. It was something he never thought he was going to get with Aaron, not in this lifetime, at least.

Aaron grinned, a proper Aaron-like grin. “Sounds good, doesn’t it?”

_Sounds like a happy rest of my life._

“Yeah,” Robert returned the grin, kissing him softly, chastely, wanting to pour all the love he would never have words for into the simple action. “It sounds good.”

 

 

 

 

 

 


	69. there was enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaron and robert talk about the affair.

 

 

 

 

 

They’d played this game a hundred times over now, it always starting the same way. Robert would nuzzle his cheek against Aaron’s, a smirk half hidden as he would wait, wait for Aaron to respond.

Aaron would always wait it out, knowing exactly what Robert wanted, refusing to give it to him. His husband was a soft idiot, at the best time of times, and Aaron always liked to pretend not to encourage him.

The truth was, he loved this side of Robert, the softer side, the side only he got to know, got to love these days. Robert had always been tactile, even from the early days of their affair, but being with him for real, loving Robert the way he’d gotten to love him for over a year now, Aaron was getting to know a whole other side to his husband, the side that loved to be touched, to touch, to hold him close.

Just like he was doing now.

They were sprawled out on the couch, Robert half lying on top of Aaron, wedged in the space between Aaron’s body, and the back of the couch. There was a film playing in the background, a terrible action film with too many explosions for it to be truly watchable, neither of them paying too much attention to it, content to just enjoy each other’s company.

They’d spent hours, just catching up.

That was the bit Aaron was surprised about, when it came to marriage. They lived together, they worked together half the week (when Robert was out at meetings or shorter haulage runs) and yet somehow, they still had so much to talk about, hours upon hours of quiet chat to be shared over dinner, or in front of the telly in the evenings, getting ready for bed together.

They never seemed to run out of things to talk about, him and Robert.

Aaron hoped they never would.

He’d never say it aloud, but Robert was his favourite person to talk to, the one person he couldn’t go a day without talking to. The idea of all of that ceasing to exist someday, it didn’t bear thinking about.

But losing this, the soft, silly side of Robert, that didn’t bear much thinking about either.

Robert bumped his nose against Aaron’s, his grin obvious now, one hand resting protectively on Aaron’s stomach, legs tangled together. It had ceased to be entirely comfortable about an hour ago, but Aaron didn’t have it in him to move.

Not when Robert was like this.

Unable to resist his husband’s antics any longer, Aaron gave in, brushing his nose against Robert’s in a familiar action. “You know,” he murmured, Robert’s eyes distractingly bright, even in the dim light of their living room, a lamp in the corner the only thing offering any bit of brightness. “You did this a lot, that week at Home Farm.”

Robert’s brow furrowed, as though the memory was unpleasant. It was, Aaron supposed, every moment, every memory of their affair was tinged with hurt, and anger, but they’d had some good moments together, too, the moments where Aaron had fallen in love.

Like that week at Home Farm, Robert soft, and pliant, and loving, all in ways Aaron had never gotten to experience outside of their sneaky nights away, or hour holed up in a freezing barn.

No, Home Farm had been a week where Aaron could pretend that Robert was his, a week where he’d gotten to play the loving partner, gotten to know all the parts of Robert had hadn’t, the sleep ruffled hair, the quiet greetings of morning as Robert would pass him a cup of coffee.

The nose rubs.

Aaron didn’t really see the appeal, if he was honest, but Robert would just melt when Aaron would let him brush their noses together, the silly action feeling so much more intimate, more loving, that he ever thought it could have.

“I don’t remember,” Robert admitted, thumb brushing circles over the thin material of Aaron’s ratty t-shirt.

“I do,” Aaron said, voice quiet, barely loud enough to be heard over the background noise the film was causing, shouts and explosions an odd soundtrack to their soft conversation. “I remember the good bits.”

“There wasn’t many,” Robert’s gaze was on Aaron’s collarbone now, as though he couldn’t quite make eye-contact with him now they were talking about the affair, about how they’d started.

Aaron lifted Robert’s chin, nudging his nose against his husband’s, giving Robert a genuine, loving smile. “There was enough.”

 

 

 

 

 


	70. eight am, saturday morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaron and robert have a lazy morning in bed.

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron was an earlier riser than Robert, that much became very clear at the start of their relationship. He didn’t mind, most of the time - it always meant that he could wake Robert up for a quickie before work (something Robert was never too upset about being woken up for) but it was Saturday morning now, the quiet end to a long week, and Aaron knew Robert wouldn’t take too well to getting woken up at eight o’clock.

Maybe if he tried hard enough, he could fall back to sleep.

Aaron shifted under the covers, the light blanket pulled up around his chest. It was late summer, the mornings still warm, the autumn chill still a few weeks away yet. Somehow, Robert was still cold, wearing a pair of thin pyjama bottoms, and a light t-shirt, a stark contrast to the boxers Aaron had donned, his skin bare against the material of their sheets.

Robert was  _always_  cold.

It was the one thing that had taken him a while to get used to, when they’d gotten back together, how cold a person Robert was. Aaron always ran hot, warm blooded to his core, but Robert? Robert was the opposite, bundled up in jumpers and jackets from September on, moaning about the harsh Yorkshire winters they were prone to getting.

Aaron couldn’t help but smile as he looked at Robert, his husband snoring softly into his pillow. Robert always claimed he didn’t snore, and it wasn’t bad, not unless he had been drinking, but Aaron was used to the soft, snuffling noises Robert would make at night, grumbly little snores breathed into his pillowcase.

Aaron wanted nothing more than to wake Robert up, nudge his husband awake and get to enjoy his company, indulge in a quiet morning in bed, but he knew Robert would be a complete arsehole about it, if Aaron woke him up now.

Easing himself out of bed, Aaron grabbed a discarded t-shirt, mindful of the creaky floorboard right by their bedroom door as he padded out onto the landing, glancing down the hallway to see Liv’s room still in complete darkness.

It would be lunchtime, before she graced the world with her presence.

The flat was quiet as Aaron made his way downstairs, lights off and unplugged, all part of Robert’s nightly routine. Sometimes, he was still in awe of the fact this was all  _his_ , that this was his home, not a rented room, not the spare room in his mum’s pub.

No, this was all his.

His and  _ **Robert’s**_.

Aaron wasn’t sure when he’d gotten so sappy, but somewhere along the way, he had, and he didn’t exactly hate it. Marriage suited him, Chas has pointed out recently, the two of them settled in a way they never had been before.

Quickly making himself a mug of tea (in the best husband mug, of course), Aaron made his way back upstairs, nudging their bedroom door closed with his hip. Robert was still passed out in the middle of their bed, on his side now, left hand reaching out into the empty space Aaron had left behind.

Even in the dim light of their bedroom, Aaron could see the wedding ring sitting proudly on Robert’s finger, the ring he’d put there twice now. He hoped he’d always be excited, when he noticed the ring,  ** _his_**  ring, sitting on Robert’s finger.

Setting his mug down on his bedside locker, Aaron eased himself back into bed, moving Robert’s hand gently out of the way. He’d barely gotten a few mouthfuls of his tea when Robert stirred, brow furrowed as he looked tiredly at Aaron.

“What time is it?” Robert mumbled, pressing his face to his pillow, looking as though he had little intention of waking up.

“Eight,” Aaron replied, brushing a hand through Robert’s already messy hair. “Go back to sleep.”

Robert shook his head, reaching for Aaron with one tired hand. “You not being here woke me up,” he admitted, his voice hoarse and still thick with sleep, a deliciously gravely tone to it that had something stirring in Aaron.

“Soft lad,” Aaron teased affectionately. “I’m here now, go back to sleep.”

Robert shook his head. “‘m cold,” he mumbled, his fingers icy against Aaron’s stomach, making Aaron shiver in the least pleasant sort of way.

_God, how was he always so cold?_

Aaron rolled his eyes, setting his mug of tea back down on his locker, scooting back down the bed so he was nose to nose with Robert, his sleepy husband brightening slightly at the movement.

“If you wanted a cuddle,” Aaron commented, pulling an exceptionally pliant Robert into his arms, Robert immediately latching onto him, burrowing his face into the material of Aaron’s t-shirt. “All you had to do was ask.”

He could almost feel Robert’s smile against his clothed chest, Robert practically melting into him as Aaron pulled their duvet up around them, cocooning the two of them together, turning their bed into a little bubble of  _AaronandRobert_ , warm, and cosy, and nothing like he ever expected his life to be.

“Sleep now,” Robert mumbled, yawning against Aaron’s chest. “We can talk later.”

 _Later_.

In a few hours, their day would start, and Robert would insist on making them a proper breakfast ( _Aaron would never complain when Robert had the urge to make Saturday morning pancakes_ ) and then they’d realise they didn’t have any groceries in, or Robert would drag him shopping in Hotten for clothes  _(Robert definitely didn’t need any more clothes_ ) and Aaron would have to share his husband with the rest of the world all over again.

But for now?

Now he could just lie in bed, a sleepy Robert in his arms, and know it was exactly where he wanted to be at eight o’clock every Saturday morning for the rest of his life.

( _Aaron was asleep again before the clock even ticked over to quarter past, his snores matching Robert’s breathy mumbles, the two of them sleeping the morning away, wrapped up together in a tangle of legs and arms and forever after._ )

 

 

 

 

 

 


	71. i'm not letting you go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> robert refuses to let aaron get out of bed.

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron wasn’t usually opposed to cuddling, he really wasn’t. He rather enjoyed the mornings he spent wrapped up in Robert’s arms, his husband nuzzling into the space between Aaron’s neck and shoulder, strong arms holding Aaron tightly, anchoring him, keeping him grounded.

Aaron liked those mornings, when Robert would hit snooze on Aaron’s alarm, and hold him tightly for this extra ten minutes, his breath warm against the back of Aaron’s neck. Those ten minutes every morning, they were some of the best of Aaron’s day, the memory of Robert’s arms around his waist, his lips on Aaron’s skin, getting him through the hard toll of long days up at the yard.

But Robert was pissing him off this morning.

Aaron had a meeting in Leeds, at ten, and he needed to stop into the yard before he went. His alarm had gone off three separate times, Robert pinning Aaron’s arms underneath his own, hitting snooze every single time.

“Robert,” Aaron elbowed him in the stomach, knowing he could easily break free of Robert’s grip if he really gave it a try. When it came to brute strength, Aaron was miles ahead of his husband, but Aaron liked this soft, and tactile Robert too much, really.

He didn’t want to stop him doing it forever, just - not today.

“I have a meeting!” Aaron exclaimed, almost hating the way he melted into Robert’s arms as his husband kissed along the exposed skin of his neck, tugging Aaron’s pyjama top aside so he could press warm, wet kisses to Aaron’s neck.

“No,” Robert shook his head, moving his arms so he had one hand under Aaron’s t-shirt, palm warm against Aaron’s skin, the other wrapped tightly around Aaron’s chest, keeping their bodies flush together. “I’m not letting you go, it’s too early to get out of bed.”

Aaron rolled his eyes, unable to help himself from tangling his fingers with Robert’s, their hands pressed together over Aaron’s chest, right about where his heart would be.

As if they both needed to hear it, feel it, know that they were alive, that this was real.

Aaron needed that, sometimes, to know that Robert was real, that this was all his life. Things - well, life was overwhelming, sometimes, Aaron could admit that aloud now, and he needed  _Robert_ , their  _marriage_  to ground him to reality.

“I’m going to be late for my meeting,” Aaron said quietly, Robert’s fringe tickling the back of Aaron’s neck, hair shower soft and fluffy against the back of Aaron’s head.

“You’ve got loads of time yet,” Robert replied.

Aaron shuffled, shifting around in the middle of their bed so he was facing Robert properly, his husband looking impossibly gorgeous in the dim morning light, blonde hair messy from sleep, eyes bright and his expression soft, love pouring from every inch, every line.

“I need to stop by the yard first,” Aaron pointed out, nudging his nose against Robert’s in a gesture that still felt too soft, for the two of them sometimes.

Robert grinned delightedly, arms wrapped tightly around Aaron’s back. “I could drive you,” he suggested. “I don’t have any meetings on today, we could have a proper day out.”

“Meetings, Robert,” Aaron reminded, hands on Robert’s impossibly cold hips. “You mightn’t have them, but I do.”

“You’d be free for some lunch though,” Robert murmured, lips inches from Aaron’s. “We’ve not been on a proper date in ages.”

“We’re married, do we really need to go on dates?”

Robert gave him an incredulous look. “Of course we need to go on dates, Aaron,” he pinched Aaron’s hip. “Keeps the romance alive, and all that.”

Aaron rolled his eyes, pressing his lips to Robert’s in a soft kiss. It didn’t feel like one of those mornings where they were desperate for each other, desperate to have each other.

No, it was one of those quiet, intimate mornings where being  _held_  felt like enough.

“Five more minutes,” Aaron warned, glancing at Roberts watch as they broke apart. He had five minutes to spare, five more minutes to be held close, to trade lazy kisses with his husband. “And we’re going to that burger place I like for lunch.”

Robert grinned, clearly delighted his refusal to let Aaron out of bed had worked. “Deal, Mr Sugden.”

 

 

 

 

 

 


	72. right here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from a tumblr prompt meme - moving around while kissing, stumbling over things, pushing each other back against the wall/onto the bed.

 

 

 

 

They’d never lost the passion, in their relationship. They’d been married for three years now, and Aaron still wanted, needed, as much as he had that first time in the garage, when they’d desperately fumbled with each other belts and mouths, not able to keep away from each other for a second longer.

They’d never lost that.

If anything, their relationship had gotten  _more_  passionate. Maybe it was because both of them felt settled, properly settled, well and truly where they belong for the first time in their lives, or maybe it was because they were Aaron and Robert and everything they had now was borne out of the physical, started in the days they couldn’t keep their hands off each other, the days they’d risked everything just for sneaky snogs and dirty weekends away.

They’d been on a date.

Robert insisted they have a date night every week, a few hours just for themselves, whether it was going to the pub for a quiet pint, or into town for a proper meal out, or just sitting at home, eating takeaway and being completely wrapped around each other.

They’d gone all out, that evening.

It was four years, since they’d first gotten back together, since they’d shared that tentative kiss on a damp April day, so unsure of what was to come for them. Robert had forced him into a suit ( _an expensive tailored thing that Robert had insisted he buy before Pete and Leyla’s wedding_ ) and they’d booked at table at a four star restaurant in Leeds ( _the food was a bit posh, for Aaron’s taste, but Robert’s delight at the menu was enough for him to keep his mouth shut._ )

Robert hadn’t been able to keep his hands to himself in the taxi, and it was worse now, they were standing in the porch of the Mill.

Aaron was desperately trying to keep his husband somewhat quiet, Robert always loud and uninhibited when they were in their own home, Aaron more mindful of Liv in their flat, of Pete and Leyla who now lived upstairs.

His self control didn’t exactly last long, when Robert slammed him against their front door, tongue exploring every inch of Aaron’s mouth, as if he didn’t know every crevice, every part of Aaron as well as he knew his own body.

“Keys, Robert,” Aaron nudged, rooting in Robert’s pockets for the house keys they’d taken out with them. Robert melted helplessly into Aaron as Aaron brushed a hand against his crotch, mostly unintentionally.

“I want you,” Robert said, breathless. “I want you right now.”

“You can wait until we get inside,” Aaron replied, twisting in Robert’s arms so he could slot the keys in the door, Robert’s octopus-like hands undoing Aaron’s belt blindly, the two of them tumbling in the door with a crash.

Aaron barely had the chance to shut the front door behind them before Robert’s lips were on his again, deep, dirty kisses that had Aaron  _wanting_ , every inch of him feeling as though it was on fire as they kissed, Robert backing him up against a wall, Aaron letting out a surprised noise as his back hit the wall.

“Sorry,” Robert said, not sounding the slightest bit sorry as he geared his attention to Aaron’s neck, sucking and biting at the exposed skin, Robert having long since ripped the tie he’d been wearing off.

Aaron knew exactly what he was doing.

Robert was the  _worst_ , when it came to hickeys. It was as though he had some sort of addiction to marking Aaron’s neck, his hipbones, leaving deep purple bruises behind that had Aaron remembering their antics as he sat at his desk, or drank a cup of tea with Adam.

Taking control, Aaron fisted Robert’s jacket in his hands, shoving him backward, forcing his husband into a sitting position on the edge of the armchair. Aaron stepped in between Robert’s legs, bodies flush together as they kissed, Aaron stooping slightly to get the best angle.

Kissing Robert always left him breathless. Breathless, and excited, and always, always  _wanting_. Aaron had always enjoyed sex, sure, but he’d never wanted anyone like he wanted Robert, like the want would never fade, or dull.

Robert hooked an arm around Aaron’s waist, standing up and attempting to lift Aaron along with him.

“You know that’s not going to work,” Aaron snorted, feet firmly planted on the ground. Robert had attempted to pick him up and carry him upstairs once, resulting in a very awkward conversation with Liv as they attempted to explain why the two of them were collapsed halfway up the stairs, and pissing themselves laughing.

“You can’t blame a guy for trying,” Robert guided Aaron to the kitchen, pushing at him until Aaron was lying on their kitchen table, legs wrapped around Robert’s thighs. “I want you so much,” he continued, nimble fingers undoing the last few buttons on Aaron’s shirt.

“Here? Really?” Aaron raised an eyebrow, knowing his body wasn’t protesting half as much as the logical part of his brain was, thinking of the countless family meals and early starts they had at that very table.

Robert pressed his lips to Aaron’s again, teeth sinking into Aaron’s bottom lip, knowing it was the easiest way to have Aaron pliant and easy in his arms. “Here,” he confirmed, Aaron helpless to disagree as he ground his hips up against Robert’s. “I’m going to fuck you  _right_   ** _here_**.”

 

 

 

 


	73. i'm still your boyfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> robert picks up a drunk and angry aaron from town.

 

 

 

 

Aaron’s drunk.

Aaron’s drunk, and he looks terrible, barely able to stand as he tries to plead with a bouncer to let him back inside the club. He’s in a right state, and it makes Robert’s heart twist in his chest, knowing it’s because of  ** _him_** , because Robert had to open his big gob and say something stupid.

It was only because he wanted the best, for Aaron. He might go about it the wrong way sometimes, but Robert did only want the best for him, and the security that kind of money could bring his boyfriend - well, it was the sort of cash that Robert had always wanted for himself.

But it’s not like he understood. It’s not like he understood the pain Aaron had to carry with him every day, the aftermath of all his so-called father had done, and so Robert should probably have kept his mouth shut.

He was still learning to navigate this whole being in a relationship with Aaron thing. So much of them, their love, had flourished in secret hideaways and stolen moments, and being out and proud and  _dedicated_  to just him, well, it was new.

“Aaron,” Robert called, getting out of his car. At the call of his name, Aaron turned, swaying on his feet as he gave Robert a furious look.

“What are you doing here?” Aaron practically growled, knowing he’d called Adam, not Robert.

“Adam’s been drinking, he can’t drive,” Robert explained, not bothering to mention that he’d been halfway out the front door of Keepers before Aaron had even finished his drunken plea with Adam to come have a pint with him.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” Aaron grumbled, turning back to the bouncer. “I’m fine, I’m not that drunk. Just let me back in, yeah?”

The bouncer gave Robert a bored look, arms folded across his chest. “He tried to start a fight,” he said, unimpressed. “Get him out of here, or I’ll call the police.”

Robert gave a furious nod, trying to shuffle Aaron toward his car. “I’ll sort it,” he reassured, Aaron glaring at him.

“You’ll  _sort_ it? Am I your pet fucking project now, Robert?” Aaron slurred, words laced with anger and bitterness, anger he must have been carrying since their argument earlier that day.

“No, Aaron, but last time I checked I was still your boyfriend, so could you just let me look after you?” Robert couldn’t stop himself from snapping, wind whipping up around them as they stood, arguing on the footpath.

Aaron looked as though he was about to say something, opening and shutting his mouth a few times before he shook his head, a reluctant hand on the passenger door. “Just get me home,” he said. “And don’t talk to me.”

Robert raised his hands in surrender, grateful that Aaron was allowing himself to be brought home. He slid behind the wheel, pretending not to notice the way Aaron’s face softened as he noticed the bottle of Lucozade waiting on his seat, the sugary orange drink a familiar reminder of car journeys they’d shared home from their sneaky hotel breaks, Aaron desperate to rid himself of his hangover.

“Stop being such a good boyfriend,” Aaron said quietly, clutching tightly to the fizzy drink. “It’s making it hard for me to hate ya.”

“Then stop trying to hate me, and let me be your boyfriend, Aaron,” Robert sighed, glancing over to the passenger side as they came to a stop at the traffic lights. “I’m going to make mistakes, Aaron, it doesn’t mean I don’t want the best for you. Its just - this is new to me too.”

Aaron stayed silent for a second, focus on the quiet road in front of them. “I said no talking,” he said gruffly, unwilling to accept the white flag Robert was offering.

Robert sighed again, flicking on his indicator so he could take the turning for Emmerdale. “Don’t get sick in my car.”

 

 

 

 

 


	74. can i kiss you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaron is surprised when robert asks for permission to kiss him.

 

 

 

 

“Can I kiss you?”

Aaron’s surprised, really, when Robert asks. It’s not as though Robert ever has, ever felt he needed to. If there was ever anything Robert was an expert in, it was reading Aaron’s body language, knowing his tells and signs and knowing when he was, and wasn’t in the mood for a snog.

But here he was, asking.

Aaron’s brow furrowed as he looked at his husband, the two of them sitting on the couch, pretending to pay attention to whatever new mid-week drama that had started, the typical mystery full of murder, and badly lit scenes.

He wasn’t very interested in it, if he was honest, but Aaron’s mind was elsewhere a lot, these days, mind on Robert, and Rebecca, and the possibility of Robert having a baby, a real life human being born out of his drunken intentions to hurt Aaron where it would hurt the most.

It was a sort of irony, really. Robert tries to hurt Aaron as much as he could, and inadvertently plays into Aaron’s biggest fear, the idea he can’t give Robert a child of his own, not the way Robert had expected when he stood up and married a woman, first time around.

He  _knew_  it was silly, of course he did - a child is a child, and they deserved to be loved, no matter how they come into the world, and Aaron would find his way and he’d love anything that was a part of Robert, of course he would, but Aaron couldn’t help but Robert’s first child was going to be with him, however they would have eventually gone about it.

It’s not like he wanted to think about it, but he couldn’t avoid thinking about it, either.

Robert was doing his best to though.

Master of avoidance, his Robert. It had been a week, and they’d yet to have a proper conversation about the fact Rebecca had decided to keep the baby, Robert adamant he wanted nothing to do with his future child.

They were stuck in a strange sort of limbo, both of them wanting to move on, but this one, very big, conversation holding them back.

“Why are you asking?” Aaron asked, hitting the mute button on the television.

Robert looked at him, hair messy and eyes downcast, as though he didn’t want to admit just why he was so tentative, so unsure. Aaron had noticed, his reluctance to be fully  **there** , full in their new home, of course he’d noticed.

Aaron always noticed, when it came to Robert.

“I didn’t know if you’d want to,” Robert admitted, eyes glassy as he spoke, a tremor to his voice Aaron didn’t like hearing. He was used to confident Robert, the self-confident, unshakeable force he’d fallen in love with.

This Robert was quiet, and reserved, and oh-so unsure.

“I’m hurt,” Aaron said, doing his best to think things out before he spoke, to try and be coherent. Miscommunication had done this to them, after all. “I’m hurt, Robert, but I still want you. I still love you, and I still want you. You don’t - you don’t need to ask to kiss me.”

As if to prove it, Aaron leaned in, pressing a chaste kiss to Robert’s lips, his husband tasting faintly of coffee and the takeaway pizza they’d had for dinner, neither of them in the form to put their shiny new kitchen to the test.

“I just wanted to be sure,” Robert mumbled, lips inches from Aaron’s own as they broke apart.

“You can always be sure of how much I want you, Robert.”

 

 

 

 


	75. don't ever say something like that again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> roberts self doubt gets the better of him.

 

 

 

“How could you love me?” Robert was sitting, back to the wall, knees pulled to his chest, the position making him look so much like a little boy, it made him almost unrecognisable, a far cry from  _Robert Sugden_ , the man who always took what he wanted, never waited for it.

Aaron’s heart ached as he looked at his husband, took in his broken appearance. He’d been struggling, lately, Robert, and Aaron would be lying if he said it hadn’t been expecting it all to come to a head sooner or later.

“How could you love someone like me?” Robert continued, unshed tears making his blue eyes glassy, brow furrowed. Aaron couldn’t tell if he’d been drinking, or if this was really it, the meltdown he’d been half expecting from his husband.

There was only so long you could carry the weight of your mistakes with you, he supposed.

“I love you,” Aaron said, voice almost a whisper. He didn’t know what to say, or do. He’d gotten so used to Robert being his rock, that he forgot he needed to be Robert’s sometimes too.

“But  _why_?” Robert choked out, disbelief evident in his voice. “I’m cruel, and I - I hurt you, I’ve always hurt you. I don’t understand how you fell in love with me, Aaron, I’m no good - not for you. If I was good, if I was worth falling in love with, I’d have picked you from the start, but I’m not, I’m not good. I’m a  _coward_ , Aaron, you married a coward.”

Aaron wanted to yell, and scream, and shake some sense into Robert, tell him that he was far from a coward, far from being unloveable, but it wouldn’t help. No, it wouldn’t help, not looking at the state Robert was in.

“You’ve hurt me,” Aaron confirmed, knowing it was true, knowing Robert, out of everyone he’d ever loved, had hurt him the most. “But you’ve made me happier than I ever thought I could be, Robert, and I don’t just mean with the wedding, or the grand gestures. You just make me happy, Robert.”

Robert shook his head, as though he didn’t believe a word.

“Robert, listen to me,” Aaron shuffled forward, hands on Robert’s knees as he spoke. “You make me laugh, with all your dumb jokes,” he said, thinking of the ridiculousness Liv had branded as his dad jokes. “You make me feel loved, every single day. You - you know how I like my tea, you always cook my favourite foods when I’ve had a bad day. You take care of me, more than - more than anyone ever has, and I love you for it.”

“But I hurt you,” Robert said, clearly devastated. Aaron had never seen him like this, not in all the time he was cheating on Chrissie with him. Guilt, it seemed to ooze from his every fibre, every inch of him carrying the weight of what he’d done.

“Yeah,” Aaron nodded. ‘You have, you’ve hurt me. But I wouldn’t change any of it, because I get to be with you, every day. Do you not know how that makes me feel? It makes me feel  _safe_ , and  _settled_.”

“You shouldn’t love me,” Robert shook his head, trying to look away.

Aaron grabbed his chin, forcing Robert to look at him properly. “Don’t ever say something like that again,” he warned. “I’m not going to sit here, and listen to you tear yourself apart over one mistake. You fucked up, Robert, but it doesn’t make you unlovable.”

Robert was crying now, properly crying, something Aaron had only seen a handful of times, in all the years they’d been together, from the affair to now. “I can’t lose you,” he choked out, scrambling to grab at Aaron’s arms, as though he needed something to ground him, to remind him he was really there, that Aaron was giving him another chance.

“You won’t,” Aaron held him close, cradling Robert’s head to his chest, letting his husband cry out weeks, months of pent up tears and frustration, Robert having finally hit his breaking point. He rocked him back and forth gently, hating how much pain and anger their brand new bedroom had already seen in such a short time. “You won’t ever lose me, Robert, because I love you.”

His words were a prayer, a promise, a  ** _certainty_**. 

Aaron loved him. No matter what, he always would. 

 

 

 

 

 


	76. i'm too afraid to close my eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some fiancé era pillow talk.

 

 

 

“I’m too afraid to close my eyes,” Robert admitted, shifting so he was on his side, looking at Aaron intently. He’d not slept much, during those few days Aaron had been in hospital, not wanting to be in their bed alone, and well - now he had Aaron back, he had his  _fiancé_  back.

Fiancé. That word would take some getting used to, wouldn’t it?

“Why?” Aaron asked, face adorably scrunched up as he looked at Robert.

Not that Robert would  _ever_  admit he’d used the word adorable, when talking about his gruff and tough boyfriend (fiancé, Aaron was his fiancé), Aaron would probably try and smack him one.

He was looking better, Aaron. Being away from the harsh lights of Hotten General, back in his comfortable pyjamas and out of the white gown that had made him look so pasty, and ill - well, he was getting back to his old self.

“Because if I do, I’m afraid I’ll wake up and none of this will be real,” Robert said, reaching out to tangle the fingers of his left hand with Aaron’s own, wanting to feel the unfamiliar press of Aaron’s engagement ring against his hand.

They’d come so far, Robert wasn’t surprised that sometimes (a lot of times) it all felt overwhelming, as though he didn’t deserve this kind of happiness, and least of all with Aaron, the one person who’d suffered the most because of Robert’s refusal to admit to who he was.

“I feel like that too, sometimes,” Aaron admitted, his gaze on Robert’s own engagement ring, brow furrowed, as though he sometimes questioned if it was  _his_  ring, or the one Chrissie had put there. “Sometimes, I…..”

Robert frowned as Aaron trailed off, his eyes back on the ceiling now. “Talk to me,” nudged, not wanting any secrets between them, not anymore.

Aaron’s uneven breathing was the only sound in their room for a few minutes, until he finally gathered himself together to speak. “Sometimes, I can’t believe this is happening,” he admitted, nerves evident as he spoke. “Because I’ve wanted this for so much longer than you ever did, and I don’t - I don’t get what I want, Robert.”

Aaron’s words were a harsh reminder of everything Robert had done to him, of how much Robert had pushed Aaron away, kept him at arms length so that he couldn’t fall for him, when all the while Aaron had been in love.

“I wish I’d gone about it all differently,” Robert said, figuring he might as well just be overly honest, if they were spilling their guts there and then, now they were actually talking about the affair (sort of.) “I do, I wish I’d done it all differently, because knowing I hurt you as much as I did, Aaron, god, it’s always going to be the thing I regret the most.”

He couldn’t help the way his voice cracked, emotions overwhelming. Robert regretted a lot in his life, but he would always regret making Aaron, Aaron Dingle, the strongest, most incredibly brave person he knew, feel as though he wasn’t enough, that he wasn’t worth choosing, that he wasn’t worth being the first choice.

“I know,” Aaron squeezed his fingers tightly.

Robert nodded, appreciating the reassurance before he continued. “I can’t change the past,” he said. “I wish I could, but I can’t change the past. But I can promise my future, every single day of it, to you.”

Aaron looked at him with wide eyes, the ceiling no longer remotely interesting. “The rest of our lives, then?” he said, the word shaky, almost unsure as he spoke, wondered if Robert was really committing to this, them, for the rest of their lives.

“That’s not long enough,” Robert leaned in, pressing a kiss to Aaron’s clothed shoulder. It was funny, they hadn’t actually had sex, since their engagement, Aaron tender and sore and all too fragile, but the intimacy between them seemed to have increased tenfold.

Maybe it was the engagement rings.

Aaron rolled his eyes. “You’ll be saying you want to be married to me forever next,” he teased.

“Forever’s not long enough, either,” Robert grinned, knowing he was being cheesy now. He didn’t mind, not really - he didn’t get to be cheesy with Aaron too often, so he’d take his opportunity. “But I’ll take it, if it’s as long as I get with you.”

“Stop being so soppy,” Aaron pressed a palm to Robert’s face, shoving him away halfheartedly.

“We just got engaged, I think I’m allowed to be soppy!” Robert defended, settling himself close to Aaron again, the two of them so wrapped up in each other, they were practically sharing a pillow, most of the bed empty behind Robert.

Aaron looked at him, that still unfamiliar ‘God, I love this idiot so much’ kind of look that he’d been giving Robert for days now, a content smile on his face. “Be soppy while you give me a proper snog,” he nudged, tilting his chin upward, intentions clear.

Avoiding his mouth for a second, Robert pressed a kiss to either cheek, to the tip of his nose. “I love you, future husband,” he beamed, lips inches from Aaron’s as he spoke.

Aaron practically breathed the words into Robert’s mouth as he leaned in for a kiss, careful not to jostle his still injured stomach too much, knotting a hand in the hair at the base of Robert’s neck, not letting him move a fraction of an inch away.

“I love you too, future husband.”

 

 

 


	77. why did you make me say it?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> robert won't give aaron the control until he says i love you.

 

 

 

 

"Robert, give me the control,” Aaron practically growled, lunging across the couch to swipe at the remote, Robert holding it as far away as he could, a cheeky grin on his face.

“I’m not giving it back until you say it,” Robert said, grateful for the marginal height difference between them as he held the remote out of Aaron’s reach. His husband could most definitely just pin Robert to the cushions and take it by force, he was ten times stronger than Robert was, but he was playing along.

Aaron glared at him, looking positively ridiculous. They were having a lazy evening in, the cold and wet November weather outside not making them want to go to the pub - he had a hoodie on, the hood pulled up around his ears, making him look like the chavvy teenager he used to be, black hoodie and tracksuit pants on.

“You can have all the control of the telly for the rest of the evening if you just say it,” Robert said, waggling the control at Aaron. There was some boring gardening program playing in the background, and Aaron had gotten bored before the title credits had even rolled, demanding they put on Netflix and watch something half decent.

Maybe he was being childish.

Robert was  _definitely_ being childish, but he didn’t mind so much. He liked being able to mess with Aaron like this, the silly domesticity of it all making his heart feel lighter in his chest.

After all they’d been through, after everything that it had taken for them to get to where they were now, happy and settled and content, well - a bit of childish silliness wasn’t a bad idea at all.

“I love you,” Aaron said, giving in to Robert’s game, to his demands that Aaron tell him he love him before he handed the remote over.

Robert beamed, passing him the remote. “See? Wasn’t that hard,” he teased, settling back into the middle of the couch, Aaron leaning against him as he turned on Netflix, flicking through their recommendations, somehow still skewed by Liv’s constant secret watching of terrible teen dramas, despite Robert setting her up her own profile. He was so sure she did it to piss him off, now.

Aaron hummed, flicking through tv show, after tv show until he settled on Prison Break, the two of them halfway through a re-watch. “Why did you make me say it?” he inquired, the title credits filling their brand new, overly large television, bought on a whim when Robert had gotten a massive bonus for landing a new client.

“Hm?”

“Why did you make me say it when you already know?” Aaron asked, twisting so he was looking at Robert.

_You already know._

Of course he already knew. Robert had always known, even when he hadn’t wanted to admit to it.

Aaron had loved him for so much longer than Robert deserved, loved him with longing looks and soft eyes and an open heart.

 _Still_ , he was only human, and he wanted to hear it sometimes, hear the words, rather than feel them.

Robert shrugged, ducking his head to hide the flush that had risen in his cheeks as Aaron had questioned him, questioned his reason for the silly game they’d just played. “I just like hearing you say it aloud, I guess.”

 

 

 

 

 


	78. scoot over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaron and robert have a quiet evening in.

 

 

 

 

“Scoot over.”

Robert looked up from his book, raising an eyebrow at Aaron’s request. He was curled up in their armchair, new novel in hand and his pyjamas on, ever the picture of relaxation, Aaron’s slouchy outfit mirroring his own. “There’s a whole couch over there that’s empty,” he pointed out, gesturing at the other side of the room.

They were having a quiet evening. Work had been hectic, that week, and it was only Wednesday, and the weather was terrible, so it had felt like as good an excuse as any to settle in for the night and do nothing much at all, the two of them throwing together an altogether student-y dinner of cheesy pasta before they’d gotten into their comfy clothes, the heating on full blast, teas in hand.

It was the picture of domesticity, really, the kind of old married couple shenanigans that made Robert laugh, as he realised they’d gone from a steamy, illicit affair, to watching reruns of Grand Designs in their pyjamas.

He wouldn’t change it for the world, really.

Everything about them, their life now, it was more than Robert ever imagined he’d get out of life. The comfort, the feeling of belonging - it had been missing from his life for so long, he’d forgotten how it felt to truly feel at home.

And he did, feel at home, with Aaron, in the Mill, surrounded by their things, the life they were building together.

“I don’t want to sit on the couch,” Aaron shrugged, easing himself into the space between Robert, and the side of the armchair. His body was completely pressed against Robert’s, socked feet in Robert’s lap as he made himself comfortable, the familiar warmth of his body making Robert relax more than he already was.

“This chair isn’t mean for two people,” Robert said, shifting his weight slightly so he was giving Aaron a bit more room, wondering why on earth his husband had decided to half sit on top of him, at the wrong angle for the television, the couch better suited to whatever program Aaron was about to switch to, control in hand.

Aaron shrugged, flicking onto a program about a vet, barely hiding a grin as he watched a dog bounce on screen, craning his neck slightly to see a bit better. “I don’t care,” he said, shaking his head. “Go back to your book.”

Robert tried, he did.

He balanced his book on Aaron’s shins, eyes wandering over the page to find the place where he’d left off. It was decent, so far, a sci-fi novel the overly helpful sales assistant in Waterstones had recommended when he’d been in the week previous, but his focus was gone.

Marking his place, Robert set his book down on the coffee table, careful not to jostle Aaron and his cup of tea as he did so. Slinging an arm over Aaron’s legs, his husband sitting at an angle that made it easy for Robert to press his head to Aaron’s chest, cheek nestled against Aaron’s pyjama shirt, Robert spoke.

“What are we watching then?”

Aaron smiled, running an aimless hand through Robert’s hair, keeping him close. “Supervet,” he gestured at the screen. “Rebuilt a dog’s jaw, last week.”

“That’s cool,” Robert nodded, not bothering to say anything else. Just being near Aaron, being close to him like this, however awkward the position was for a bit of a Wednesday evening cuddle in front of the telly, it was good.

Nice, even.

Like it was all he’d ever really need to feel safe, and loved, and  _wanted_.

And if Liv called them disgusting for sitting on top of each other in the armchair when she got in from Gabby’s, well, Robert couldn’t bring himself to care all that much, not when he had Aaron’s hand in his hair and his husband murmuring softly about how they should get a dog, really, make their family a bit bigger, now things had calmed down. 

 ** _Their_**  family.

 

 

 


	79. you don't have to say it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> robert struggles with hearing aaron say i love you.

 

 

 

 

“I love you.”

Robert stiffened, at Aaron’s words, those three little words he was so used to hearing now, as though they were as easy for Aaron to say as any other entirely mundane, normal phrase.

It had taken him a while, to be like that, Robert savouring and treasuring every time he’d say it aloud, knowing Aaron said it a thousand other ways, but always been affected by the words, the most, affected by Aaron’s willingness to be open, and proud and to love him, despite it all.

Maybe it was because he didn’t believe it still, sometimes, no matter how many times he’d heard it.

He’d heard it a lot.

Aaron had said it nearly every night, since he’d gotten out of prison. Soft, mumbled ‘I love yous’ into Robert’s skin, against his lips. Bolder, stronger ‘I love yous’ as they’d kiss, as something soft and gentle turned to so much more, turned to what they had always been best at, the physical.

Grinning, mumbled ‘I love yous’ as they’d stand, shoulder to shoulder, at the bathroom sink, brushing their teeth in unison, a sort of silly new nightly tradition they’d developed, newlyweds who couldn’t stand to be away from each other for even a few minutes.

Quiet, confident ‘I love yous’ as they’d settle underneath the covers, Aaron back on the left of their bed, where he was supposed to be.

Robert loved every kind.

But tonight, Aaron’s words made his heart twist in his chest, knowing he didn’t deserve to hear them. Knowing he didn’t really even deserve to be in their bed, in their room, in their  _home_.

“You don’t have to say it,” Robert said, glad they’d already turned the lights off, glad Aaron couldn’t see his face as he spoke, couldn’t see the fear, the worry, couldn’t tell that Robert was just waiting to be told to leave, after everything he’d done, after how he’d hurt him.

“What?” Aaron’s voice was quiet, confused, and he shifted slightly, so he was looking at Robert, rather than gazing at the ceiling.

“You don’t have to say you love me,” Robert focused on a spot of the pristine white ceiling, guessing entirely from memory that it was wear the strange patch of slightly off-white paint was, a renovation disaster that was probably his own fault, but he blamed on Adam anyway. “I get it, if you don’t want to say it, after everything I’ve done. I don’t - I don’t deserve to hear it.”

“Maybe,” Aaron’s words weren’t so much an agreement, as a shrug, a noncommittal hum as though he was thinking aloud. “I wouldn’t say it, if I didn’t mean it.”

The words were an echo of a time that had felt like a lifetime ago, a place Robert didn’t want to think about,  ** _another_**  time he’d hurt Aaron.

All he ever seemed to do, really.

“Robert?”

Robert tore his gaze away from the ceiling as Aaron spoke, able to see him a little better now his eyes had adjusted to the dark. “I’m sorry,” was all he could think to say, knowing it didn’t exactly make up for anything, it didn’t change what he’d done.

Aaron’s hands found his underneath the warmth of their duvet, tangling their fingers together tightly. “I know,” he reassured. “I know you’re sorry, Robert, and no matter how angry I am, I still love you. Okay?”

Robert didn’t want to cry.

He didn’t want to break apart, not now, not when there was so much at stake, because it felt like he’d never piece himself back together again, if he did.

Not this time.

“Okay.”

 

 

 


	80. sky high

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> robert hated flying, but aaron always made it a little better.

 

 

 

 

Robert hated flying, he really did. He’d always hated flying - being stuck in an enclosed space, no escape, for hours on end, well - it just wasn’t for him. He liked the destination, sure, the sunny holidays and the discovering new places, all that he loved.

He just didn’t love flying.

Robert hated flying, but he hated admitting it aloud even more. Settling into his seat, Aaron pressed against the window, genuine curiosity in his eyes as he looked out, watched as the airport got further and further away as the plane trundled down the runaway, Robert felt that familiar tug of panic.

That twist in his chest as he realised this was where he was stuck for the next three hours of his life, Aaron on one side, a stranger on the house, all of them stuck on a godforsaken metal tube that was taking them to the sun, sand, and sangria.

The plane gathered speed, and that was it. Robert was digging his fingers into his palms, breath coming in gasps as take off began.

Before he could fly into a full blown panic, Aaron was easing his fingers from where they were making nail shaped indents in his palm, slotting his fingers between Roberts, such a familiar and comfortable action for them now, tangled fingers and warm palms pressed together, Aaron’s finger brushing against the cool metal of Roberts wedding ring.

A ‘I’m here’ sort of gesture.

Aaron looked at him, one headphone in, one not, an encouraging smile on his face. “Worst but will be over soon,” he nudged, squeezing Roberts hand tightly.

Robert felt the knot of panic in his chest ease slightly, Aaron grounding him, just like always (even if they were mid air now, thousands of feet above the rolling green fields of Yorkshire.)

“Just think about how you’ve got me all to yourself for the next two weeks, if that helps,” Aaron gave him a cheeky grin, pressing his lips to the material of the t-shirt Robert had donned that morning, lips warm even through the cotton.

“Yeah,” Robert breathed, eyes closed as the plane continued its upward ascent, griping too tightly to Aaron’s hand. “That helps.”

 

 


	81. i'm proud of who you are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> robert freezes, when someone makes a homophobic comment toward him and aaron, and he and aaron have a conversation about pride.

 

 

 

 

 

It’s a completely normal, average day when it happens. They’re in Tesco, Aaron leaning on the trolley as they browse the aisles, aimlessly chatting about what they want for dinner, and if they should get some beers in ( _Aaron is talking about how he fancies a barbecue, the weather was supposed to be good that weekend, and there was nothing like some burgers and an endless supply of beer in the sun to start a weekend right._ )

“You forgot your biscuits,” Robert said, depositing a double pack of chocolate bourbons into their trolley, leaning in to press a kiss to Aaron’s lips. It was something he’d done a thousand times in public now, less and less anxiety about being open, and proud of who he was and who he was married to sitting heavily in his chest.

And then he hears it.

_“That’s disgusting, right where people can see n’all. Have they got no shame?”_

Robert freezes.

Robert freezes, and feels sick to his stomach as the words ring in his mind, the world spinning around him as he looks around for the source of the comment. Theres another man, standing by the biscuits, a friend in tow, and he’s looking at them with genuine disgust in his eyes.

“You want to say that again?” Aaron was defensive immediately, face red and hands balled into fists as he glares at the stranger. “Go on, I fucking dare ya, say it again.”

Before the stranger could make another comment, there’s a manager standing between them, a young looking woman who tries her best to ease the situation before gets out of hand.

Robert stands, frozen, as the manager tries to direct the stranger on, tries to placate Aaron with kind words and the promise of a money off voucher for their shopping.

“I don’t  _want_  a voucher,” Aaron is trying to be calm, but anger oozes from his every pore, every inch of him. He’s practically bristling, ready for a fight, ready to defend himself and their marriage. “I want to do my shopping with my husband and not have ignorant pricks like ‘im try and tell me I’m disgusting.”

He’s standing up for them.

He’s standing up for them, both of them, and Robert’s frozen to his spot on the aisle, one hand gripping the cool metal of the trolley slightly. Robert can only watch, as Aaron has a few more words with the manager and accepts her apology with a furrowed brow, and Robert’s barely even able to put one foot in front of the other as they head for the checkouts, Aaron giving him a worried look as he hands his card over, paying for the shopping Robert had haphazardly thrown into the trolley.

He doesn’t even really remember doing it.

All he remembers is those strangers words.

_Disgusting._

_Right where people can see._

_Have they no shame?_

**_Disgusting_.**

“Robert?” Aaron’s hands are on his face now, familiar hands on his cheeks, his neck, something that should make him feel calm, feel safe, but he just wants to panic, is afraid that stranger might be close by, might say something, or God, do something -

“I froze,” Robert blurted, hating how upset he felt, hating how he couldn’t react. “I didn’t say anything. I just stood there, and I took it.”

“Hey, you didn’t have to say anything,” Aaron shook his head. “We don’t have to defend what we have to any ignorant bastard who can’t keep his mouth shut in Tesco. Yeah? You don’t need to defend us to anyone.”

“But you did,” Robert mumbled, throat thick with tears he was refusing to cry. He wasn’t going to break down in a Tesco fucking carpark, with a bag of oranges in one hand and a trolley half full of beer next to him.

“You know me, always looking for a fight,” Aaron tried to joke, prising the shopping Robert was holding from him, dumping it in the boot. “It’s okay, Robert - I get how terrifying it can be to have someone be like that.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah,” Aaron’s voice was soft, tired, as though he’d been through this a thousand times. “I’ve been out for a lot longer than you have.”

_Of course._

“Does it ever hurt less?” Robert asked, gaze dropping to the floor, to his shoes, the concrete he was standing on suddenly very interesting.

“No.”

Robert looked up sharply, the sick feeling rising in his stomach again. Was this going to be the rest of his life, off hand comments in Tesco telling him he was disgusting for loving another man and daring to not be ashamed of it?

“But you get a thick skin,” Aaron said, emptying the last of their shopping into the boot. “And no one, _no one_  is  **ever**  going to make me feel ashamed of loving you, I’m not to let them win.”

Robert imagined for a second, what it would feel like to hide, to be ashamed again, to keep his love, his husband behind closed doors, to only love him where no one else could see, and he held his head a little higher, stood a little prouder. 

“I’m not letting them win either,” Robert declared, giving Aaron’s hip a squeeze, reaching into his trouser pocket for the car keys, not caring who saw. “I’m proud of who we are.”

 

 

 

 

 


	82. quiet, they can hear us!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> roberts an unruly drunk.

 

 

 

 

 

Robert’s snorting.

Like, absolute, undignified, properly snorting. Aaron had never really heard him like this, not often at least, happy and unafraid to show it. He remembered it happened once, during one of their weekends away, back during the affair.

There had been a comedy program, on telly. Aaron couldn’t even remember what it was, now, but he remembered how he had been mesmerised by Robert’s laugh, his real one, the laugh when his face would screw up, and he’d laugh with his whole body, and  _snort_ , and look so much younger than he actually was.

This was another one of those moments.

They were both a little drunk. They’d gone into town, for dinner, a legitimate date, for once, and they’d had a few too many glasses of wine with dinner, and a few too many pints on their little pub crawl afterward.

Aaron didn’t mind, much.

They’d both be hungover in the morning, but it was worth it, worth it to hear Robert laugh, and snort like he was, worth it to feel this happy, this  _free_.

Worth it to feel this in love.

Robert laughed again, louder this time, clutching a half eaten bag of chips to his chest.

“Quiet!” Aaron hissed, barely holding back laughter himself. “They can hear us!” he jerked his head toward the stairs, toward where the rest of his family was sleeping, the time well past three am now.

Robert made a pantomime of putting his finger to his lips, toeing off his shoes in the hallway.

That was the annoying thing, about living with so many other people. When you came home late, there was no way you could clatter around and get ready for bed like you normally would - no, it was all the art of being quiet, once the clock had ticked over past one, and the pub was locked up for the night.

Aaron eased off his sneakers, wincing as the staircase creaked a little on their ascent. Everything felt more noisy, in the nighttime, and his judgement was a little bit impaired by that last shot of tequila he’d talked Robert into.

They managed to get upstairs relatively quietly (he hoped, or he’d get an earful from his mum in the morning) and into Aaron’s bedroom without much of a fuss, Robert barely holding in his giggles.

“Whats so funny?” Aaron asked, easing his bedroom door shut, mindful of the almighty bang it would make if you just flung it closed.

“I don’t know!” Robert admitted, setting his now mostly eaten chips down on one of the bedside lockers, trying to hold in his laughter, spluttering a little.

“You’re an idiot,” Aaron said fondly, pressing a kiss to Robert’s lips. His boyfriend (god, would he ever get used to that one?) tasted like too much salt and vinegar, and tequila, and badly needed to brush his teeth, but Aaron didn’t mind - not when he was nearly swallowing Robert’s laughter as they kissed, Robert’s carefree happiness infectious.

It could be a good life, Aaron decided, smiling widely as Robert buried his face in the crook of Aaron’s neck, trying to calm himself down.

It could be a very good life after all.

 

 

 

 

 


	83. where do i go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> robert wonders where he'd go if aaron ever didn't want him.

 

 

 

Robert felt like he’d had this same nightmare a thousand times over, reliving the moment his father had sent him away. He used to have the nightmare more often, every night, those first few months, and eventually it was once a week, once a month - until he hardly kept count at all.

For so long, Robert had been able to block that day out.

The day his friend had died.

The day he’d saved Andy first.

The day he’d finally disappointed Jack Sugden one too many times, his father wanting nothing more to do with him.

He’d been on eggshells with his father for years, if he was honest, tiptoeing around Jack as he made mess after mess, fucked up his own life, ruined Andy’s, did everything he could to make sure happiness didn’t stick, because it was better to ruin it yourself than let someone else take it away from you.

That’s how Robert functioned, closed off, always ready to run. It’s how he’d  _survived_ on his own for so long, how he’d never let Chrissie see those parts of him he wanted to hide from her, regardless of how in love with her he had been.

The way he’d never quite managed to be with Aaron, Aaron breaking down all his walls, his defences, seeing the person Robert had boarded up behind years of self loathing, years of knowing he wasn’t good enough for anyone, let alone his own family.

Aaron had seen past it all, and now he was going to lose him.

Easing himself out of bed, Robert quietly reached for a discarded hoodie of Aaron’s, padding downstairs to the kitchen. He hadn’t been sleeping properly, the past few nights, waking up drenched in sweat because he’d relived all the worst days, the bad nights, all over again, and he was exhausted.

Exhausted, and  _terrified_ , because Aaron should have kicked him out. Aaron should have told him where to go, should have told him their marriage was over, but he hadn’t - he’d said he wanted to forgive him.

 _Forgiveness_.

Robert could laugh.

The one thing he didn’t deserve.

Flicking on the kettle, Robert leaned against the kitchen counter, eyes closed as he listened to the water bubble. Was this going to be his life now, sleepless nights and always walking on eggshells, wondering when Aaron was going to see sense and get rid?

He didn’t want that.

Robert tugged Aaron’s hoodie more tightly around himself, inhaling the familiar musky scent of a hard days graft up at the scrapyard, the lingering scent of the cologne Robert had bought him for Christmas clinging to every inch of the dark blue material.

The scent of  _home_.

Robert had never had a home like this, with a love this  _honest_ , and real. Every inch of the Mill was theirs, inside jokes and joint decisions they’d argued for days over, eventually reaching compromises that made the house uniquely  **theirs** , and theirs alone.

It was nothing like the pre-brought grandeur of life with the Whites, nothing like the life he’d been scraping together for himself at nineteen, twenty, living from week to week, barely able to afford food, let alone anything else, nothing like the life he’d known growing up on the farm, memories of days when ends wouldn’t meet and they’d have to huddle around the fire, his parents trying to hide the fact they couldn’t afford to turn the heating on that week.

No, this was home, and Robert had already managed to hit self destruct, putting everything he had, everything he loved, at risk.

“What are you doing up?”

Aaron’s tired voice made Robert look up, his husband standing sleepily at the end of the stairs, dressed in just his t-shirt and boxers, eyes heavy and hair practically standing on end.

He was beautiful, especially like this, open and honest in a way that only Robert got to love.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Robert admitted, gesturing to the empty mug he’d gotten out for himself, the brightly patterned china that had been a gift from Victoria. “I thought I’d make some warm milk.”

Aaron’s face softened, and he padded across the kitchen tiles, pausing to get the milk from the fridge. “Did you have a nightmare?” he asked, knowing, always knowing.

Robert gave a slight shrug, not really wanting to talk about it at close to three am. They should probably start to talk about the things that mattered at normal times, rather than leave it all for the middle of the night.

“You can talk to me,” Aaron said quietly, getting himself another mug, pouring equal measures of milk into both. They moved in tandem, Robert pouring the warm water into each mug, the drink reminiscent of his childhood, of all the things his mum would do to help them sleep.

Aaron reached around Robert, grabbing the sugar bowl, and Robert’s heart tightened in his chest as he watched his husband scoop a spoon of sugar into each mug.

His mum used to do that too.

“Where do I go?” Robert blurted, unable to stop himself now, unable to hold it back any longer, not wanting to keep the fear he felt with every breath, every time he looked at Aaron, to himself anymore. “If you don’t want me anymore, where do I go?”

Aaron looked at him, wide eyed. “I’m always going to want you, Robert,” he said, quiet, reassuring.

“You shouldn’t.”

“But I do,” Aaron said, as if nothing else mattered. “Nothing - nothing is going to be easy for a while, but we’ll get through this, Robert.”

“Will we?” Robert hated how unsure he was, how insecure he felt about them, about their marriage.

And all because of one mistake.

Aaron nodded, nudging Robert’s mug toward him. “We’ve survived worse,” he said simply, jerking his head toward the stairs, a clear we’ll talk about this in bed sort of gesture. “And this is your home, Robert. The only place you’re ever going to have be is here, with me.”

 

 

 


	84. don't you dare walk away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaron isn't going to let robert walk away without a fight.

 

 

 

“Don’t you dare walk away from me,” Aaron couldn’t hold back the anger in his voice, the hurt. Their front door was wide open, Robert halfway out the porch as he spoke, bag in hand.

“Aaron, please, don’t make this any harder than it has to be,” Robert has his back turned to him, shoulders hunched, as though it was taking all the strength he had in his body to not turn back around, to not come back inside.

“You don’t get to walk away from me,” Aaron said, decisive, determined. He crossed the few short steps between them, the gravel of their driveway crunching underneath his sneakers as he reached for Robert’s bag, yanking it from his husband’s grasp.

Chucking the bag onto the gravel, not caring what was inside of it, or if it was breakable, Aaron pulled at Robert’s elbow, forcing him to turn around.

Robert looked  _broken_ , brow furrowed and eyes glistening with tears as he stood, halfway out of the door, halfway out of Aaron’s life. “You’d be happier, if I was gone,” he said quietly, believing every word that he said.

Aaron could scream.

He could shout, and yell, and shake Robert for being so stupid, for believing they would be better apart. Over the years, they’d more than proven they were absolutely  _useless_  without each other, and Aaron couldn’t quite believe Robert thought  _leaving_  him, giving up on their marriage, was the right thing to do.

“Do you really think that?” Aaron couldn’t keep the laughter out of his voice, the sheer disbelief.

“All I’ve ever done is hurt you.”

_All I’ve ever done is hurt you._

God, that wasn’t true.

Robert had hurt him plenty, over the years, hurt him in ways that had made Aaron feel as though his heart was being ripped from his chest, but Robert had done a whole lot more than just hurt him.

He’d been his best friend, his greatest supporter, exactly when Aaron needed him to be, always there, always willing to put Aaron before himself. He’d never really had that with anyone, not really.

He’d never had the honesty of their love with anyone.

Aaron had always been holding things back, with other boyfriends. He’d never wanted them to know the darkest parts of him, never wanted them to know about what had happened, but he told Robert.

He told Robert everything, good and bad.

Just, talking to Robert was his favourite thing to do, and Aaron had never been big on chat. He couldn’t just forget about all the good that had come of their love, of their relationship, the times he’d laughed, the hushed conversations under Aaron’s duvet during the early, tentative days of their newfound relationship, the easy date nights and the passion that had never left them.

He couldn’t just forget how much Robert made him feel loved, and important.

“You have done so much more for me than you realise,” Aaron said, quickly realising he’d been silent for too long, a worried expression on Robert’s face. “Robert, you’ve given me a home.”

Robert’s gaze flickered around the garden, the outside of the Mill.

“I don’t mean here. Well, I do,” Aaron said, thoughts jumbled in his head. “But you’ve given me so much more, Robert. I never - I never thought I could do the married thing, the coming home every night and cooking tea and watching the news together thing, but you’ve made me want to. You’ve given me - you’ve given me a place I feel like I belong, and I belong with  _you_.”

Robert clenched, and unclenched his fists, shaking his head. “You’d be better off without me,” he said. “You’d find someone nice, someone who’d never hurt you like I have.”

“Maybe,” Aaron shrugged, knowing Robert probably wasn’t wrong, that there was another Ed out there, safe, and kind, ready to love Aaron, no complications. “But they wouldn’t make me feel like you do.”

“Angry? Sad?”

“Madly in love,” Aaron admitted, unable to wipe the grin from his face as he closed the space between him, and Robert, his husband trembling now, wavering on his decision to just up and go. “You drive me absolutely fucking crazy, Robert Sugden, and I love ya for it.”

Robert had softened now, trying to hold back a familiar smile, that genuine, real smile that he seemed to save for Aaron alone, the smile that was full of love, the smile that had always made Aaron look to the future, to the good times they were going to have together.

The good times they’d still be able to have.

“You don’t get to walk away from me,” Aaron repeated his earlier statement, shaking his head. “We’re in this for life, Robert, good and bad, so you don’t get to walk away from me.”

“It’s always going to be the good, bad and  _ugly_  with me,” Robert said, nervous again, as though he was trying to talk himself out of going back inside, of giving them another chance.

( _Third? Fourth? Aaron didn’t know, or care. That was the thing with loving someone the way he loved Robert, he decided, you’d take all the chances in the world to get it right just once, because once was all it would take for a very happy ever after._ )

Aaron shrugged, jerking his head toward the Mill, the home they were making their own, and he echoed Robert’s words of so, so many months ago now. “Messed up forever, remember?”

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
